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Stage chat
Topic Started: Apr 29 2011, 09:59 AM (527 Views)
bid
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The Captain
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So, in Japan, Lester read sporadically from Japanese tourist books, "Japanese in 10 minutes a day", and "Making out in Japanese".
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bid
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The Captain
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In Germany, each night I said the following after the third song (usually Jet Set) and before Alphaville. Note two things: that Jan Lanklisch (friend and promoter of the Cologne show) is very tall, and that in Osaka Andy had screwed up the beginning of Cowboy Country (very amusing, as he never makes mistakes, and it's only a two note intro).

Stuttgart
Swabia, oh, Swabia! Land of my forefathers!
Oh, yes, I am Swabian!
I am very elegant, have aged well, am creative, intelligent. I have strange dreams about the planet Mercury. Birds are afraid of me because they think I'm strange. Fish like me- I don't know why.
All these things make me typically Swabian. Especially as I speak no German.
The next song talks about a small village near Stuttgart...

Schwaben, oh, Schwaben! Land meiner Vorfahren!
Oh, ja, ich bin Schwabe!
Ich bin sehr elegant, habe gealtert gut, bin kreativ, intelligent. Ich habe sonderbar Träume von dem Planet Merkur. Vögel haben Angst vor mir, weil sie denken ich bin komisch. Fische mögen mich , ich weiß nicht warum.
Alle diese Dinge machen mich typisch schwäbisch, besonders als ich kein Deutsch spreche.
Das folgende Lied erzählt von einem kleinen Dorf in der Nähe von Stuttgart...

Berlin
Berlin, oh, Berlin! Land of my forefathers!
Oh, yes, I am a Berliner!
I am very elegant, have aged well, am creative, intelligent. I have strange dreams about the planet Venus. Sheep despise me because they think I am scum. But goats adore me and find me hypnotically beautiful.
But this is typical of a Berliner like me. Especially the fact that I can't speak any German.
This next song is about a small village just outside Berlin...

Berlin, ach, Berlin! Land meiner Vorfahren!
Ach ja, Ich bin ein Berliner!
Ich bin sehr elegant, habe gealtert gut, bin kreativ, intelligent. Ich habe sonderbar Träume von dem Planet Venus. Schafe verachten mich, weil sie denken, dass ich Abschaum bin. Aber Ziegen lieben mich und finden mich hypnotisch schön.
Aber dieses ist von einem Bewohner von Berlin wie mir typisch, besonders als ich kein Deutsch spreche.
Das folgende Lied erzählt von einem kleinen Dorf in der Nähe von Berlin...

Hamburg
Hamburg, oh, Hamburg! Land of my forefathers!
Yes, I am from Hamburg!
I am very elegant, have aged well, am creative, intelligent. I have strange dreams about the planet Mars. Birds have an insatiable desire to cover me with mustard. Old women keep placing buns on my head.
All these things make me a Hamburger. Especially as I don't speak any German.
This next song is about a small village just outside Hamburg...

Hamburg, oh, Hamburg! Land meiner Vorfahren!
Ja, ich bin aus Hamburg!
Ich bin sehr elegant, habe gealtert gut, bin kreativ, intelligent. Ich habe sonderbar Träume von dem Planet Mars. Vögel haben einen unstillbaren Wunsch, mich mit Senf zu decken. Alte Frauen halten, Brötchen auf meinen Kopf zu setzen.
All diese Dinge machen mir einen Hamburger, besonders als ich kein Deutsch spreche.
Das folgende Lied erzählt von einem kleinen Dorf in der Nähe von Hamburg...

Hannover
Saxony, oh, Saxony! Land of my forefathers!
Oh, yes, I am a Saxon!
I am very elegant, have aged well, am creative, intelligent. I have strange dreams about the planet Jupiter. In the morning, I smell of magnolia, in the afternoon, of roses, in the evening, I smell of salty soup.
All these things are typically Saxon. Especially the fact that I cannot speak any German.
This next song is about a small village just outside Hannover...

Sachsen, oh, Sachsen! Land meiner Vorfahren!
Ach ja, ich bin ein Sachse!
Ich bin sehr elegant, habe gealtert gut, bin kreativ, intelligent. Ich habe sonderbar Träume von dem Planet Jupiter. Am Morgen, rieche ich von der Magnolie, am Nachmittag, der Rosen, am Abend, ich rieche von der salzigen Suppe.
Alle diese Sachen sind gewöhnlich sächsisch, besonders als ich kein Deutsch spreche.
Das folgende Lied erzählt von einem kleinen Dorf in der Nähe von Hannover...

Köln
Westphalia, oh, Westphalia! Land of my forefathers!
Oh, yes, I am a Westphalian!
I am very elegant, have aged well, am creative, intelligent. I have strange dreams about the planet Saturn. Squirrels dance around the rings in sexy costumes. Crows fly past me and peck at my head.
All these things are typically Westphalian. Especially the fact that I cannot speak any German.
This next song is about a small village just outside Köln...

Westfalen, oh, Westfalen! Land meiner Vorfahren!
Ach ja, ich bin ein Westfale!
Ich bin sehr elegant, habe gealtert gut, bin kreativ, intelligent. Ich habe sonderbar Träume von dem Planet Saturn. Eichhörnchen tanzen um die Ränder in sexy Kostümen. Krähen fliegen über mich und picken auf meinen Kopf.
Alle diese Dinge sind typisch westfälisch, besonders als ich kein Deutsch spreche.
Das folgende Lied erzählt von einem kleinen Dorf in der Nähe von Köln...

Düsseldorf
Westphalia, oh, Westphalia! Land of my forefathers!
Oh, yes, I am a Westphalian!
I am very elegant, have aged well, am creative, intelligent. I have strange dreams about the planet Neptune. My house is made of traditional materials- peacock feathers, the skin that forms on hot chocolate drinks, and buffalo sperm.
All these things are typically Westphalian. Particularly the fact that I cannot speak any German.
This next song is about a small village just outside Düsseldorf...

Westfalen, oh, Westfalen! Land meiner Vorfahren!
Ach ja, ich bin ein Westfale!
Ich bin sehr elegant, habe gealtert gut, bin kreativ, intelligent. Ich habe sonderbar Träume von dem Planet Neptun. Mein Haus wird von den traditionellen Materialen gebildet: Pfauenfedern, die Haut auf heißer Schokolade, und Büffel Sperma.
Alle diese Dinge sind typisch westfälisch, besonders als ich kein Deutsch spreche.
Das folgende Lied erzählt von einem kleinen Dorf in der Nähe von Düsseldorf...


...and then later in the set, before Cowboy Country:

This is the last gig of our tour in Germany. We have been here for one week, and in two weeks time we go to Athens.
In Stuttgart, I dreamt of Mercury, in Berlin, of Venus. In Hamburg, I went to Mars, and in Hannover, to Jupiter. In Cologne, I thought of Saturn, and tonight in Düsseldorf, it's Neptune.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking.
After all, we Westfalians are an astronomical people.
(Points to Jan, standing at the side of the stage)
I mean, look at him, he's huge!
But I can assure you that I will not be visiting Uranus until I have landed in Greece.

(Bemused silence from audience)

Unfortunately, although Andy sniggers for 15 seconds, he is not incapacitated, and starts Cowboy Country as normal.
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TwoSunspots
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Macaw Mucker
The Greek Uranus line made me laugh out loud..... ;)

Excellent stuff Bid. :D
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Snootsworth
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Lop-eared Delinquent
I rather like the smell of salty soup, young Bid.

:D
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C's M
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Heel Scratcher
Have now checked and in German "Saturn's Rings" are in fact the disappointingly predictable "Saturnringe" or "Ringe des Saturns", rather than "Ränder" (edges, periphery, skirting, rim) or even "Räder" (wheels). Either of these is funnier and more in keeping with the semantic free spirit that is Gerbid, however, so Beolingus (below) should be taken with a pinch of salt, if not salty soup indeed.

http://dict.tu-chemnitz.de/dings.cgi?lang=en&service=deen&opterrors=0&optpro=0&query=ringe+des+saturns&iservice=&comment=&email=

:D
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JaneB
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Madame Billets
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TwoSunspots
Apr 29 2011, 11:47 AM
The Greek Uranus line made me laugh out loud..... ;)

Excellent stuff Bid. :D
Oh yes, nothing like the good old english 'double entendre', especially when in Germany... I'm not surprised they looked bemused ;)
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Istvanski
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Offal Manipulator
Ah, there's nowt better than a slice of witty onstage banter.
Reminds me of a Damned gig a few years back when the crowd were in high spirits chanting "Sensible's a w*nker, la, la, la, la..."

Sensible: "That's right, I have a w*nk everytime I count my money..."

Vanian, quick as a flash, interjects with: "...which isn't very often!"
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bid
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The Captain
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I should also include the chat that I did at the Scarlet's Well gig at The Windmill on 13/07/06. Hmm, a long time ago.
The chat preceded the song titles listed.

Savage
This song is the true story of how Dickon lost all his clothes on a flight down to Tangiers, and, as a result, had to spend two weeks completely naked, walking around the souks of Arabee.
Now!
Luckily, the local people, who are Phoencian, and therefore by nature a harsupical people, thought that the sight of Naked Dickon was in some way an omen of good fortune, and left him to wander completely unmolested, much to his disgust.
Even now, every Friday at 3 o'clock they all unroll their filthy carpets, expecting to see a glittering array of lovely diamonds.

Narcissus
This song is the true story of how Dickon lost all his clothes in Hampton Court, and spent two weeks completely naked, wandering around, lost in the maze.
Now!
Luckily, the gardeners at Hampton Court Maze are all Sri Lankans...
Funny race, they're only two feet tall, but are very good with roses. There are 38 of them that live in one of the hedges, which they've hollowed out into a sort of high-rise apartment block, complete with laundromat.
Anyway, they are, by nature, a very harsupical people, and thought that the sight of Naked Dickon was in some way an omen of good fortune, and left him to wander completely unmolested, much to his disgust.
Even now, every Friday at at 3 o'clock they all come out of their hedge, expecting to see a blooming array of lovely diamonds.

Evening Star
I just want to read my notes for this song...Edgar Allan Poe...Baltimore graveyard...police called...found standing naked in a shallow pit, exposing his pendulum to mourners...I may give this one a miss.

My Tender Years
This song has nothing to do with Dickon, though he assures me that when he first heard it, he was completely naked.
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Hop Man Jr
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Macaw Mucker
Just giving this a bump for the benefit of anyone stumbling in here.
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