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A Silly Story From 1978; Scandalous tale
Topic Started: Jan 30 2018, 06:27 PM (127 Views)
simoncroft
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Scurvy Scum
With the 40th Anniversary gigs coming up, I got to thinking about The Good Old days, when we were mostly appearing in support slots and student bar gigs, travelling there in an aged, mustard yellow van that originally belonged to the GPO. (That's the long defunct General Post Office children...)

Anyhow, on this particular day, we weren't going to a gig, we were going to Spaceward Studios, Cambridge, in order to record He's Frank (Slight Return), Silicon Carné and Fallout.

I think Bid was driving, with Tom sitting next to him. I was lurking in the back, half-listening through the security grille. As we drew up to a pedestrian crossing, the two in front were discussing a woman I didn't know. At the same time, a completely unrelated young woman was crossing the road.

"What does she do?" asked Tom, referring to the woman they were discussing.

At this point, I should explain that I was the yob of the group, with a taste for a pint, and more than a little foul-mouthed. However, I had a very fast wit.

Before Bid could reply, I shouted: "She takes it up the ****!" through the grille.

There was one little problem I had failed to consider. At that precise moment, we had no windscreen. It had shattered a few days earlier. No windscreen = acoustic attenuation of 0dB = I am plainly audible to the woman crossing the road.

She of course, assumed that Tom and Bid were some sort of builder-types, shouting obscenities about her from their work van for their mutual amusement. As I was invisible in the gloom of the interior, it is they who got the full depth of her disdain, as displayed by a glaring gaze that could have cubed concrete, like a high powered lazer.

To make matters worse, Tom and Bid were by now laughing, as they realised the embarrassing position I'd managed to land them in, so they very much looked the couple of likely lads she assumed them to be.

This is not a situation you can explain to a complete stranger, especially one who has already formed the lowest opinion of you. Fortunately, the lights changed, and we were able to go. Had they not, there is no doubt in my mind that the 22-year-old bass player in the back would have continued embarrass his band-mates to the best of his ability...

If you manage to spot me at the Lexington in London, you are very welcome to buy me a drink as a reward for this story, and as payment for a few more. :D
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