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| Feeling awful | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 24 2009, 02:40 PM (150 Views) | |
| Arnieboy | Jul 24 2009, 02:40 PM Post #1 |
Gibdo
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As you may or may not know i've been un-single for quite a while now, nearing 20 months. Within that time i've lost a supposed mate, had a car crash and another scare i won't go into. I also got engaged in february...something which i've regretted doing, she talked me into it more than anything. We've never had much in common my girlfriend and i, and she's never really been my 'type', yet 19 months down the line i'm still with her and engaged. Well several big decisions are coming my way such as do i want to move in with her and she's applied for a job where i work and i'd be her way of transport as she lives 15 miles away. But, she's never really seemed enthusiastic about anything and the only time she really seems to care is when i go quiet and then she'll actually ask me, and even then the 'aww' has always seemed a bit sarcastic. Well this week i've been thinking deeply and decided that if i am to pluck up the courage and break up with her, it has to be before she gets a reply for this job. But i'm feeling really shit about it, i've been with her 19 months and given her a bloody engagement ring, i know she won't take it well. It's not that she's a bad girlfriend, but she isn't really a brilliant girlfriend either, doesn't really like the things i like and doesn't seem to do family very well. I just feel that both i and her will benefit from a similar partner, she deserves someone else and so do i i suppose. But i've never been overly selfish and i'm already getting myself worked up about it and how she'll be, and i won't take the easy way out with a text or phone call either. Also sorry i've been a bit inactive, i've been out and working a lot. Edited by Arnieboy, Jul 24 2009, 02:41 PM.
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| Roki | Jul 24 2009, 10:05 PM Post #2 |
Gohma
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you were engaged? Well, before you make a move, I'd do a little thinking. Like: "Can I really find someone better?", "Is it me or is it her?" and "Will I feel the same way later?" And I'm dead serious about that last one. You may feel nothing now, but you may be mourning about it later and realize that she was the best thing you ever had. Trust me, I've seen it happen to people and it's not something you want to go through, and the fact that you're engaged and that it's been going on for almost two years now is really going to play a factor. If you are going to break it off, good luck. But think about it first. I mean REALLY REALLY think about it. For all you know, she might REALLY need you. I think if you should've broken it off, you should've done it while she was tempting to get engaged, then there'd be less to be lost. I mean, you're in pretty deep here, you probably should've ended it earlier if you really felt that way about her. Either way, I wish the best for you and hope you make the right decision, I'd just hate to see it cost you. Edited by Roki, Jul 24 2009, 10:06 PM.
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| SIG UPDATED CAUSE I'M NOT GETTIN ARESTED | |
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| Joseppi | Jul 24 2009, 10:59 PM Post #3 |
Who?
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My first thought's when I began reading this was, "He's just getting cold feet like everyone does." But then I thought about it and if you haven't been happy with her, marrying her won't be a good idea. But if you aren't happy with her, why did you propose in the first place? You must have been happy with her at one time. You really need to talk to her and tell her your feelings. Don't just say, "I'm breaking up with you." Tell her exactly how you feel. And if she really loves you, she will talk to you about it and understand your feelings while being comforting.. If she gets really defensive with you, then you are best to break it off. This is something that you can only figure out for yourself. But asking us was a great idea since we are all un-biased and don't know the whole situation. But don't take our advice without thinking about what works best for you. Also, ask yourself if you "love" her. I wish you the best of luck! |
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| Arnieboy | Jul 25 2009, 06:36 AM Post #4 |
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Gibdo
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Very well thought out answers and i agree to an extent with both. Don't ask why, i'm at that stage it seems where i'm learning by my mistakes, (car crash - don't drive so fast round corners etc). I honestly don't know why i agreed it was a good idea to get engaged, it was hardly romantic either. I think the reason i'm still with her isn't because i don't think i'll find anyone better, it's because i don't think that i will find anyone else at all, this relationship was set up via an ex-friend i didn't actually ask her out. I did try to break up with her twice before but both times she brought me round, both were also before the engagement and both times i think i'd made the right decision. But our relationship hasn't really seemed to progress much, she doesn't seem enthusiastic about our future together and i'm the one trying to make it work. At the end of the day a person is who a person is and i don't think i'm going to change what she's like, so tonight i think i'll be doing the talk. I hate upsetting people, i'm going to be so depressed tonight, but i'm 99% sure it's the right thing for me to do rather than getting stuck taking her to work and then breaking up with her, i couldn't do that as it would be unfair on her. I've thought this through for days but i just can't see a future together with her. The love between us just seems to have vanished recently and i'm not one to stay with someone out of pure lust for those 'moments.' Thanks for the replies, much appreciated, i'll post back after whatever has happened has happened, i'm really hoping it goes well, i really don't want it to badly hurt her. |
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| CaLeB- | Jul 26 2009, 06:19 AM Post #5 |
White Boy
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8uBc18jOU8 Video related; the chorus says everything. |
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| Arnieboy | Jul 27 2009, 06:39 AM Post #6 |
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Gibdo
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Well i went and spoke to her saturday and we had a very long conversation about everything and everything i was concerned about. And it turns out we're still together so i'll have to see how it goes from here. Thanks for all the words of wisdom guys, it really did help. |
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| 3NiGmA | Jul 27 2009, 10:20 PM Post #7 |
Pendragon Fanatic
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Obama is president and the Ying Yang twins provided "words of wisdom". I need to go find a cliff to jump off..... Anyway, good to hear you're working things out. |
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| Negasquid | Jul 28 2009, 11:04 AM Post #8 |
Why am I still here?
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Dammit enigma. <I would make this post constructive to the topic but I have no idea what to say> |
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| CaLeB- | Jul 28 2009, 03:01 PM Post #9 |
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White Boy
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IS IT BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH BLACK?! YOU RACIST YOU! |
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| 3NiGmA | Jul 28 2009, 06:14 PM Post #10 |
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Pendragon Fanatic
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Not at all because they are black. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpvLI6Wev48 http://cdn.newsone.blackplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/07-ying-yang-twins-082907.jpg Thats why |
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| CaLeB- | Jul 29 2009, 09:45 AM Post #11 |
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White Boy
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Ah, republicans... Can't get enough of em. |
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| Negasquid | Jul 29 2009, 11:33 AM Post #12 |
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Why am I still here?
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love how he could only manage 25 seconds of stupid phrases. Ever heard of bushisms? There is a near infinint (infinity) amount of those. |
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| Arnieboy | Jul 29 2009, 12:20 PM Post #13 |
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Gibdo
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Haha, really cheered up quite a depressing thread, sort of goes with my mood too. Is Obama living up to expectations? I haven't been keeping up with it all. |
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| 3NiGmA | Jul 29 2009, 02:48 PM Post #14 |
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Pendragon Fanatic
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I never said Bush wasn't an idiot :P |
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| Joseppi | Jul 29 2009, 11:27 PM Post #15 |
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Who?
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Are you kidding me? I've dated people while having that state of mind but someone else always comes along. But you do have to put yourself out there a little. Never stay with someone because you don't think you'll find anyone else. You always will eventually. I'd rather be alone than with someone that makes me feel depressed. |
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