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| CaLeB- | May 10 2009, 09:57 PM |
White Boy
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Listening to some slow-tone music. "Day 'N' Nite" by Kid Cudi. So today I was at a friend's house named AJ. He's an old friend. Haven't seen him in a few months ever since he went to another school. I was there for his barbeque that was for his little birthday party. And one of the some people who came was this girl. Yeah, she was cute. She had pretty eyes and was nice... from what I've seen. She was in the same grade as me, just in another school. We were all outside having some barbeque. I was ashamed that I found myself talking to my two brothers (Jacob stopped by, too) and AJ but not this girl. Once I noticed that, a whole train of thoughts went through my head as I sat there eating my hamburger and beans, glancing at this girl every now and then. How I was completely shy to talk to any chick is what started it. It put me down a little, how I can't even casually walk up to a girl and become her friend. I don't know whether it's because I'm shy or oddly unconfident. Or both. Even just to be their friend. When I'm around a girl, I can't talk to her or talk around her. It's like my mind goes completely blank. I could had a load of stories to tell, but I can't seem to think of anything to spark up a conversation when I'm around a girl. I just don't know why. Something in my mind tells me, "Don't even bother." It might be because I don't feel confident, or they're just not worth it...or worth my time. Might explain why I never tried again after having one girlfriend. I mean, any chick passed cute that I've seen is a hoe. No lie. Even the chicks I've known back at elementary that were at least cute...are now trampy. It's hard to find a girl whose normal around here. When you have friends who got laid at least at the age of 13, something's wrong. I know that isn't normal in other communities. So my whole time there, I didn't even say a word to her. Like she didn't even exist. Yeah, I shouldn't be worried about girls at this age, but you know how hard it is to NOT feel left out when many of your friends are getting girlfriends? Even my bigger bro was a pro at getting chicks. So what do you do when you're somewhat unattractive, really shy, and not a stud? You're screwed. All you can do is sit back and hope for a miracle that some girl you like is interested in you and comes up to you first. Because don't have ANY kind of guts to at least talk to a girl, ones I want to meet at least. Kinda like natural selection, huh? I just hope these years of shyness are made up for in my future. Maybe I'll get my turn. Maybe there's a reason why I'm not good at socializing with girls. For my future's sake... One of these days, I need to stop caring what people think, girls especially. And maybe that'll make me more confident, somewhat. Easier said than done, though. |
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