| The Ledgend of Tristan; A pokemon Story | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 14 2008, 09:11 PM (303 Views) | |
| Weirdal16(2.0) | Jan 14 2008, 09:11 PM Post #1 |
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Proulouge: Near the Sinnoh League lied a village known as YellowLeaf Town.Legend has it,its where the first pokemon trainers lived.So many rare pokemon appear there.But here are a few differences in it that other towns: -You gain respect by being a good trainer.Its hell on earth For bad trainers. -The only way to go on a pokemon jouney is to win the summer, winter, or spring Tournements. This is where are jouney begins.A kid named Tristan is getting ready to begin trainer school when his mom raised enough money working at the Pokemon Center.He was small for his age.He was almost 11.He had blonde hair and blue eyes.He was often beat up because he wasnt able to be a trainer.So he will begin his jouney... TO BE CONTINUED... (This Was First Fanfic So Go Easy.Ill Make More!) |
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 TriforceMan
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Jan 14 2008, 09:17 PM Post #2 |
Triumphant Return!
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...Is this a fan-fic or an RP? If it's a fan-fic, it's in the wrong section by a few inches. |
 
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| HUNTER JAWA | Jan 14 2008, 09:17 PM Post #3 |
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some advice for your next fanfic. Capitilize the first word of every sentance and put spaces after each period. |
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TriforceMan
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Jan 14 2008, 09:40 PM Post #4 |
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Triumphant Return!
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Don't capitalize the first letter of every word like you did in your last paragraph. It makes it very awkward to read. |
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| Weirdal16(2.0) | Jan 15 2008, 07:17 AM Post #5 |
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anything about the story itself? |
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| Malceure | Jan 15 2008, 03:06 PM Post #6 |
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From personal experience, I have found it better for the prologue to be several paragraphs, not a couple of sentences and bullet points. Your idea is good, but your structure is a tad off. Futhermore, it seems more like a summary of a prologue than an actual prologue, and it did not have an actual story; it was a jumble of stray information that is meant to be more as a preview of your Fan Fiction. You could write so much more about the information you have posted. I apologize if my statements seem rather harsh, but I do review games after all. A critical eye is better than an ignorant one. 
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| Weirdal16(2.0) | Jan 15 2008, 04:10 PM Post #7 |
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I Guess But If A Was Writing A book I Wouldnt Be Looking To Forum Nintendo To Publish it.its just a story that i have been dreaming up.i wanted to knowwhat you thought of the story itself not the grammer errors and how short it is |
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| Malceure | Jan 15 2008, 04:56 PM Post #8 |
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I'll have to actually see a story before I can say whether it is good enough or not. What you have is not a story, it is simply an idea. No one is asking you to write a book, but it would be nice if there was more to it than what is currently present. You have the idea, now you just have put it in sentences.
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| Weirdal16(2.0) | Jan 15 2008, 08:38 PM Post #9 |
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Chapter One:Tristan Catches A Pokemon Tristan Woke up on A Saturday morning and raced downstairs.He couldn't wait to begin his journey.The School was just a few blocks away, but it seemed like miles.Once he Reached the school he saw his rival Trey. "I'm Surprised You showed up." Trey Said Arrogantly "Since you Always Back Down!" "Listen up," Said Tristan Angrily "first of all I wouldn't ever miss this,and second of all I do not back down!" "Whatever" Trey Said. "Class Will Now Begin!" Mr. Brothers Said.Tristan Spaces Out Because He Knew all This Stuff.He Always Tried To Learn As Much About Pokemon as he can.*1 Hour Later* "Alright For 5 Hours I Will Be Letting You Free BUT!" Mr. Brother Said "You Have To Catch a Pokemon!" He Hands The Students Poke Balls * The Bell Rings* Outside, Tristan Says To Himself "Ill Catch The Best Pokemon I Can."Then he trips. *3 Hours Later* Tristan Yells Near A Lake In The Forest "I HAVENT CAUGHT ANY POKEMON!!!!" Then All The Sudden A Magikarp Popped Out Of The Lake And Right Into His Hands.It Looked Scared.So Tristan Looked Into The Lake And Saw Lots Of Water Pokemon Laughing At it.So He Decided To Train The Majikarp So It Wouldn't Be Laughed At. "Were 2 Of A Kind."Said Tristan As He Put Majikarp In His Pokeball Tristan Went Back To School and Just Couldn't Wait To Show Off Majikarp. |
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| Hitogoroshi | Jan 16 2008, 08:07 PM Post #10 |
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Great capitolization there, sport. Oh, and I've never heard of Majikarp. Then i Triped |
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| Kirby_Master | Jan 16 2008, 10:15 PM Post #11 |
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guys,cut him some slack!
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| Weirdal16(2.0) | Jan 19 2008, 07:51 PM Post #12 |
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well i might as well stop posting apparently fanfics are only popular if youre an admin. <_< im so jealous |
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| megaman1998 | Jan 20 2008, 08:45 PM Post #13 |
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Keep going with it! It's not bad at all. Oh, and I have plenty of readers for my Smashy Amazing Race fic, and I'm no admin. |
 Credit for the awesome KH sig goes to RunawayRed! :D | |
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TriforceMan
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Jan 20 2008, 08:59 PM Post #14 |
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Triumphant Return!
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*sigh* Listen, it does need some work, but just keep trying. Thats the only way you'll get better at it, and I'm sure you will. Listen to the constructive criticism, and use it to your advantage. Any comments you find that are posted solely for the sake of being negative, simply disregard them. By the way, Hitorgoroshi, before you insult the grammatical errors of others, mind your own (capitalization). |
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