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| Stun Gun test; I'm still laughing | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 9 2008, 02:20 PM (275 Views) | |
| legitlinda | Jan 9 2008, 02:20 PM Post #1 |
Ruler of the Mountain
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A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd Anniversary, and I was looking for a little something "extra" for my wife. I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on the assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device, and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the thing, and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to the Wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all THAT bad, with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!! There I sat in my recliner with my cat, Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions, and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit, I thought about zapping Gracie, (for only a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She's such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top, with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms, and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would just be wasting the batteries. All the while, I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; (pretty cute really, and oaded with two little bitty, itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "NO possible way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "Don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't POSSIBLY hurt all that bad... I decided to give myself a one-second burst, just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over, and over, and over, and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side, in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, and undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!" Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is NO SUCH THING as a "one-second burst" , when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-%#&**%#... that hurt!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glas ses were on the mantel of the fireplace. (How did they up get there???) My triceps, right thigh, and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return. |
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| Carolina Sue | Jan 9 2008, 04:10 PM Post #2 |
 
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| legitlinda | Jan 9 2008, 04:39 PM Post #3 |
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Ruler of the Mountain
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That was my reaction too!! I'm still laughing....
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| Toothless Dawg | Jan 9 2008, 05:05 PM Post #4 |
Ruler of the Mountain
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I can affirm the above article ... curiosity did more than kill the cat!!! Like the above 'VICTIM', I also am still searching for certain items ... |
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| legitlinda | Jan 9 2008, 08:00 PM Post #5 |
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Ruler of the Mountain
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No Way! 
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| gobblerblaster | Jan 10 2008, 08:56 AM Post #6 |
gobblerblaster
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I have never stun gunned myself however, I did accidentally short out a run capacitor on a central air conditioning unit with a pair of pliers. I am told that it has a similar effect. I do remember "ALL" my muscles aching for days after that . |
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| Toothless Dawg | Jan 10 2008, 10:32 AM Post #7 |
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Ruler of the Mountain
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HA!!! Similar to grabbing a defective spark plug wire while someone is cranking the motor??? |
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| Carolina Sue | Jan 10 2008, 01:03 PM Post #8 |
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| legitlinda | Jan 10 2008, 03:17 PM Post #9 |
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Ruler of the Mountain
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I bought a really cool old stove once. A 1950's O'Keefe and Merit with a griddle in the middle of the burners. I was cleaning the Easy Off out of the oven with a rag and a bucket of water. I was almost finished, I just had one more corner to do so I dipped the rag in the water and reached waaaay back to the corner of the oven and something grabbed me  and held me and shook me until it finally threw me against the wall and I ended up dazed and confused, in a heap on the kitchen floor. It turned out to be a light bulb socket!  
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| Toothless Dawg | Jan 10 2008, 03:30 PM Post #10 |
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Ruler of the Mountain
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... and for the next year you walked around singing, "Yoooouuuuuu light up my liiiiiiife ..." :lol: :lol: :lol: |
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| legitlinda | Jan 10 2008, 03:47 PM Post #11 |
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Ruler of the Mountain
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| STEVEN1 | Jan 10 2008, 05:03 PM Post #12 |
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Ruler of the Hill
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I've done stupid things over the course of my life but never anything that stupid. I wonder if he told his wife about his experiment in self abuse? |
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| Toothless Dawg | Jan 10 2008, 05:21 PM Post #13 |
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Ruler of the Mountain
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Hey ya gotta try everything at least once ... how else would I know if it would jump start my heart in case of another heart attack
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| Johnny RebSCV | Jan 10 2008, 06:10 PM Post #14 |
Senior Member
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You'll get the same results from Peeing on an electric fence!........I learned this the hard way.  ( I was 6 yrs. old)
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| gobblerblaster | Jan 12 2008, 11:16 AM Post #15 |
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gobblerblaster
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Now that sounds like something that could be equal to extreme skiing or bungee jumping and it probably could be considered more of a contact sport
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