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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 9 2006, 12:21 PM (1,004 Views) | |
| Toothless Dawg | Dec 9 2006, 12:21 PM Post #1 |
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Ruler of the Mountain
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RULES OF THE SOUTH If you are going to live or visit in the South, you need to know these rules: 1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did MORE work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym. 2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get out of the way. 3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color, don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent. 4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it. 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a Flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for -- bait. 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot. 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards (ducks) are making their final approach, we will shoot it (the phone). You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time. 8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. 9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is really, really sweet. You want it hot -- sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened -- add a LOT of water. 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. 11. So, you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine (its farm equipment) that we only use two weeks a year. 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow. 13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat (Yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors. 14. We don't do "hurry up" well. 15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock. 16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream (pronounced brim) and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop. 17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like (money). Get it - pig farms - income - money? Get over it. Don't like the smell? Interstate 85 goes two ways - Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one. 18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want Cream of Wheat - go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west. 19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day. 20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept? 21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators - and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players. 22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot -- his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is. 23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood. 24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all four of them -- enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner. 25. No, we don't care how you do things up North. If it is so great up there, why not stay there? 26. And no, down here we don't have an accent, you do. In God We Trust |
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| Sunshine | Dec 9 2006, 12:29 PM Post #2 |
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Ruler of the Mountain
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I love it and it is all true. I sure miss the south and the good ole days. Things sure have changed alot in my 39 years. |
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| Carolina Sue | Dec 9 2006, 03:18 PM Post #3 |
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WhoooooooEeeeeeeeee, Dawg! Now that's some rules to live by! Have several folks I need to send them too!
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| Almtnman | Dec 9 2006, 03:31 PM Post #4 |
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Number 21. big waste of a lot of good hunting land!
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| Toothless Dawg | Dec 9 2006, 03:59 PM Post #5 |
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Sue, When I was living out in the country in Spotsylvania VA, I would get so durn ticked off at folks that would move in to their new subdivision house next to a farm, then complain whenever the fields were fertilized, or the pigs/cattle caused a stink, or when the neighbor cut his trees for new growth. Several times, these fools would file lawsuits, etc ... every time, they were told to stuff it. How many times have people who made a huge profit from the housing boom (65-85) would move to the country and be so proud of themselves because, "We live in a big house in the country". Then within a month or so begin complaining that they had to drive 10 mile to the food store and lobby for a strip mall or some other trash to be constructed next to their precious new country home. ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!! Oh well, I guess its gonna happen no matter what but it sure ain't fun when it happens Jim |
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| Toothless Dawg | Dec 9 2006, 04:01 PM Post #6 |
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James, Look at it as more open space for the deer to run accross :lol: :lol: :lol: Jim |
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| Almtnman | Dec 9 2006, 04:27 PM Post #7 |
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I bet I would get some strange looks when I pulled the ole '06 out of golf bag, propped it up and took a whack at one though. <_< Might even get kicked off the course.
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| Hawk | Dec 9 2006, 09:13 PM Post #8 |
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"4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it." I asked for a 30.30 so I could go get him. |
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| Condor | Dec 9 2006, 11:43 PM Post #9 |
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Ruler of the Mountain
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Got me a 12 guage single with a 31 inch barrel when I graduated from the sixth grade. Still have it! It sure can kick! |
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| Carolina Sue | Dec 10 2006, 12:03 AM Post #10 |
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Jim, you are so right! I hate it when they move to the "country, bacause it is soooo cute" and then try to make it into a carbon copy of what they left!!! (see #25!) Basically all that happens is they spend a few months out of the year in their "quaint country home", pay no taxes, but leave the added cost of everything to the locals whose taxes are raised every year to provide the added services these folks require! I have heard for years how the part-time residents will improve the quality of life in the community, and I'm still waiting to see it! My brother lives up north now, and all his friends there love to come over when I visit so they can "hear my accent?". One even has a sign that they think is soooo cute because of the "southern twang". It says "Howdy" on one side, then turn it over and it says "Now Git!". Real cute, huh.....
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| Toothless Dawg | Dec 10 2006, 08:54 AM Post #11 |
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yuppers, see that more and more around here. The new yorkers seem to have migrated to VA and they're always saying, "Your accent is sooooooooooo quaint" ... BS, I tell 'em they're accent isn't. If its so cool in NY/NJ why don't they stay there? In all fairness though, with my job I must make frequent trips above the mason dixon line ... surprisingly enough I've enjoyed meeting most of the people I have dealt with up there. In Wisconsin, we arrived at the time some special mushrooms were coming into season, sorry I can't remember the name or anything but they grow in different places every year and must be hunted down. The guys searched out a bunch of these mushrooms and threw a brat party for us after hours. Some kind of good eating!!! One thing I'm still trying to get used to is the girls in NJ, :lol: :lol: :lol: It looks like they all wear tight jeans and spike heels and waaaaaaaaay too much makeup. Like I said, I'm TRYING to get used to it ...
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| countrymouse | Dec 10 2006, 11:16 AM Post #12 |
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Ruler of the Hill
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in the deep south (florida) we used to say, "Why do they call it tourist season if we can't shoot 'em?!" |
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| Carolina Sue | Dec 10 2006, 01:08 PM Post #13 |
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I'd like to know the answer to that one myself!
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| Carolina Sue | Dec 10 2006, 01:13 PM Post #14 |
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On a more serious note, I don't really think it matters where anyone is from. And I don't have a problem with those living north of the Mason Dixon (fell a little sorry for them! :lol: ) I think the problem stems from most of these folks just being unhappy. With life, with themselves, with everything. They were not happy living where they were, so they get a second home and guess what...they are still unhappy! They bring it with them and try to spread it around. That's why they don't get us southerners and our way of life. They could have 10 houses in 10 different parts of the country, and still have the same problem. IMHO. |
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| Toothless Dawg | Dec 10 2006, 03:04 PM Post #15 |
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:lol: :lol: :lol: RIGHT ON :lol: :lol: :lol: |
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| countrymouse | Dec 10 2006, 06:27 PM Post #16 |
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Ruler of the Hill
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now i've heard about this farm-golfing in the netherlands and it's a very cool concept, but hunt-golfing, now there's one that makes you go hmmmmmm <_< ! |
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| Toothless Granny | Dec 11 2006, 09:03 AM Post #17 |
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:angry: I lived up in Scott County, VA for a while back in the '70's. I fell in love with the place..........so peaceful and beautiful. Got married and wound up back in Kansas. Went back to visit friends in the late '80's, and cried the whole trip. I missed my turn up the mountain because someone put a minimart on the corner. People had gone and chopped off the tops of whole mountains to put a mobile home on top! Not just one or two, either. I cried the whole way home because I knew I'd never get back up that way again, and if I ever did, I wouldn't recognize the place. |
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| Toothless Dawg | Dec 11 2006, 12:15 PM Post #18 |
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Granny, My first wife was from Covington VA. I enjoyed going over the mountain to visit because her mama lived on top of another mountain and I was driving a '68 GTX at the time. I would climb that mountain and folk would come out of the house to see what all the noise was. It sounded like I had open exhaust (hehehehe maybe I did) and I was reminded of 'Thunder Road'. But you step off her back stoop and you had a mile drop ... at least it looked that way!!! Later in the 70s I was one of three people living on a mountain in Greene County VA. I was about 1/2 way up and the guy on the very top had a fantastic view. Many times the clouds/fog was below his house and it looked like he was in heaven!!! The last time I stopped by the old house, the mountain hadn't changed much, only a few more vacation cabins. But Charlottesville is now a LOT closer than what it was then. Jim |
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| countrymouse | Dec 14 2006, 07:47 PM Post #19 |
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we live in what basically has become a suburb of Raleigh....i don't really consider it living 'cuz all we do is sleep here...our farm is farther out in the country and that's where we spend most of our time... a couple of years ago, my fiance got a traffic ticket in town, one of those ridiculous expired inspection sticker tickets and this is a mandatory day in court in Raleigh...it was wintertime and as usual he was running late so he had left the house without his coat...luckily, being from Michigan, he always keeps an extra coat, blanket, etc. ('cuz you just never know when you're gonna get snowed in in winter in the deep south ) in the trunk of the car so he just pulled it out, threw it on and headed to the courthouse...well, he got inside and started to go through the medal detector but he had to empty his pockets first...so hand goes in the pocket and comes out with a fist full of syringes...next hand goes in the pocket and comes out with a trocar which to an untrained eye looks basically like the stem from a water bong (at least so i've been told )...(the last time he'd worn the coat he was tending to his favorite ram who'd literally almost eaten himself death)...so by now, every cop in the room has surrounded him and he's trying to figure out how he's gonna talk his way outta this one...so he reaches his hand in his pocket one more time and pulls out a chicken egg!!! the cops were not happy, but they couldn't argue with the egg...what i wouldn't have given to be a fly on the wall for that one!! you know, as annoying as city folk can be, it sure can be fun to mess with their heads!!! |
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| legitlinda | Dec 14 2006, 08:54 PM Post #20 |
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Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, why I oughta.... :lol: :lol: :lol: |
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| countrymouse | Dec 16 2006, 11:26 PM Post #21 |
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hey linda, is san diego anywhere near santa barbara? my step sister went to UC Berkley and has settled, at least for now, in santa barbara...haven't made it all the way to california in my travels, but if she likes it out there, it can't be all bad... |
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| legitlinda | Dec 17 2006, 06:38 PM Post #22 |
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Hi countrymouse, Santa Barbara is about 200 miles from San Diego. Never been there, but I hear it's beautiful. I'm just messing with you guys....carry on with your Yankee bashing!
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| STEVEN1 | Dec 17 2006, 07:01 PM Post #23 |
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i love the south. wouldn't live anywhere else. glad my grandfather settled down here in biloxi while he was in the coast guard. married him a belle of the south, my grandmother. the best food in the world is good ol' southern food and plenty of it. and you gota have iced tea to wash it down with. introduced a new yorker to red beans and rice. he wanted the recipe. taught him how to cook greens and make cornbread from scratch. he still calls every now and then for some good southern recipes. |
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| Culture Warrior | Dec 17 2006, 07:32 PM Post #24 |
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STEVEN1 wrote:
I'm just a yank from up nort der, like bsb, eh... But spent a great deal of time down south workin'. I gotta agree here with STEVEN1, there is some darn great food to be had. Cornbread, hushpuppies, and I just LOVE JUMBALIA! mmmmmmm Tea is ok - like the less sweeter tea, but if it's sweet, nothing better than raspberry ice tea! mmmmmmmmm Them red beans and rice sound darn good, too! |
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| legitlinda | Dec 17 2006, 09:04 PM Post #25 |
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I'm sorry...I just gotta say that the best food is in New York City....that's right, I said it...New York City, everything just tastes better there. They say it's the water.
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| countrymouse | Dec 17 2006, 09:59 PM Post #26 |
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linda, sorry, gettin' viagra emails got nothin' on makin' mention of the water in new york city ! i seen that water up there and i wouldn't stick my big toe in it much less think about eatin' sum'n cooked with it!!! my personal favorite southern foods: low country boil - savannah, ga shrimp & grits - charleston, sc waldorf salad - chancelorsville, va gator tail - everglades, fl red snapper, mahi mahi, conch chowder & key lime pie - key west, fl stone crab claws - pompano bch, fl cuban sandwich, black beans & rice, plantains - miami, fl huevos rancheros & brisket - banderas, tx jumbalaya - new orleans, la wild turkey (the bird) & venison roast - my house, thanksgiving real tacos - mexico (that's down south ain't it?!) PIG PICKIN' - pick a state, any state! oh & don't forget the biscuits & honey, the strawberry shortcake and the homemade ice cream!!! |
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| Toothless Dawg | Dec 17 2006, 10:08 PM Post #27 |
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Mouse, That HAD to be at Andora's??? Jim |
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| Toothless Dawg | Dec 17 2006, 10:11 PM Post #28 |
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Linda, Now durnit, why did you hafta put both of them in the same sentence. This morning I had a fantastic double SPAM and egg sandwich ... and I ain't tellin' ya what I did with the Viagra :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Smilin' Jim |
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| Toothless Dawg | Dec 17 2006, 10:13 PM Post #29 |
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The ONLY place to get key lime pie!!! Nothing like it in the world ... |
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| countrymouse | Dec 17 2006, 10:25 PM Post #30 |
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i'm really not sure...we were on our way home from gettysburg and made a brief stopover in fredericksburg and then chancelorsville...it was a restaurant downtown in a section that's blocked off from vehicle traffic? this was also about 5 years ago so the memories a little foggy...but man that was one awesome salad! fresh spring greens, spicy white cheese, apple chunks, walnut pieces and raspberry viniagrette dressing...oooowheee! i've made it a few times for special occasions and everyone i've introduced it to has loved it... |
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| bsb006 | Dec 17 2006, 11:10 PM Post #31 |
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Yep - me & beernut are the resident yanks......he gets more snow than I do and I am jealous of that. If you guys could knock down the temp down there and order some snow, I'd be there with you in a heart beat. Course, I would look into moving down near Carolina Sue's way - she has gotten more snow than me too. I am not fond of palm trees, sand and hot weather......so I guess I am stuck being a yank!!!! |
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| countrymouse | Dec 17 2006, 11:17 PM Post #32 |
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bsb, i miss some stuff about fl, but the heat's not one of 'em...we still have the heat here in nc, but at least it only lasts for a few months...just when you're about sick of it, it's gone for the year...do wish we got more snow here though...we got 18 inches the first year we moved here (i'd only seen snow one other time in my life and that was only a couple of inches) and i absolutely loved it!!! haven't had that much since ...they say the weather works in 7 year cycles so maybe this'll be the year...nevermind we've been near 70 all week!!!
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| bsb006 | Dec 18 2006, 12:13 AM Post #33 |
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no snow here - it's in the 50's most of the day.....no coat weather up here. I have a feeling January is going to be brutal!!!! |
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| legitlinda | Dec 18 2006, 12:43 AM Post #34 |
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Hey...no fair kidnapping my posts from over there and using them against me over here....foul, foul, penalty...is that called traveling or something. Toothless Dawg, did you say a fantastic DOUBLE viagra, I mean spam and egg sandwich....oh...mama mia! My father says he takes viagra, but only so he doesn't roll off the bed at night! Countrymouse have you ever drank water from the faucet in New York? It's absolutely crisp and delicious. It comes from the Catskill Mountains in Upstate New York. When I was a kid my father dug a well in the back yard, it was great water. The Germans immigrated to Staten Island and built breweries there just because the water was sooooo good. When we moved to California we couldn't believe how horrible the water was. I don't even drink it anymore, I buy bottled water for drinking. When I was in West Virginia the water was rusty colored and everybody's sinks were stained with rust, yuck! |
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| Hick | Dec 18 2006, 01:32 AM Post #35 |
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There ain't nothing in this world I love better than some good old fashioned well water. City water just nasty. Mom had a Hand Pump well put in during the Y2K "scare". That water is the best!!! The water from the main well goes through a water softener and all that other crap, doesn't taste right to me. I'd rather drink from the hand pump. |
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| legitlinda | Dec 18 2006, 09:34 AM Post #36 |
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I'm still Yankee at heart since I was born and raised in New York. By the way, it's freakin cold here right now...global warming my #$$ :lol: |
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| Toothless Dawg | Dec 18 2006, 10:05 AM Post #37 |
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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: |
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| countrymouse | Dec 18 2006, 11:11 AM Post #38 |
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linda, i learnt me that little trick in new york city...i swear officer, i didn't steal it, it just fell off the back of the truck!!!
it's amazing what the distillation process'll do for water!
aw, it's just a little extra iron in their diet!
like they say in mexico...don't drink the water, drink tekillya!! seriously, there is no better water than what comes from deep inside the earth...there are a lot of springs in florida and those were always my favorite places to go... and some of the best water i ever drank was straight off a mountainside! and you know there's a spring house up near asheville that was a famous resort/spa getaway back to the 1800's...people'd come from all over because they heard of the healing nature of the water...it appeared to be especially healing for people with psychological problems...well, they tested the water when the technology was available and found that it contained lithium! see, everything we need, God has provided!!! |
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| legitlinda | Dec 18 2006, 11:24 AM Post #39 |
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Well...I did grow up on the mean streets... and you do learn a few things, like: Never "cop" to a "cop", "I don't know nuthin", "I didn't see nuthin" and "Don't aks me cause I don't know ". My favorite one of all times is a military motto: Admit nothing, deny everything, and make counter accusations!!!
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| beachroses | Dec 18 2006, 12:05 PM Post #40 |
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This is what I was trying to tell countrymouse on another thread! Those yuppie transplants buy their little plot in the country (north AND south of the Mason Dixon) then tell the farmers that their pigs and fertilizer stink when they open their windows in warmer weather and try to take them to court to get them to stop.
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I cried the whole way home because I knew I'd never get back up that way again, and if I ever did, I wouldn't recognize the place.
)...(the last time he'd worn the coat he was tending to his favorite ram who'd literally almost eaten himself death)...
...they say the weather works in 7 year cycles so maybe this'll be the year...nevermind we've been near 70 all week!!!
