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Things my mother taught me.; Humor
Topic Started: Nov 20 2004, 05:48 PM (60 Views)
Silent Angel
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Purveyor of Handcuffs
1.My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2.My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3.My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4.My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5.My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6.My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7.My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8.My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9.My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10.My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that liver is gone."

11.My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12.My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13.My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14.My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15.My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have all the things that you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home"

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18.My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19." My mother taught me ESP."
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20.My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21.My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22.My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24.My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: -My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
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Hondo
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Cowpoke of the Realm
My mother taught me the same things.
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kiwi_too
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Sir Perceval, Ruler of the Realm
Quote:
 
4.My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
[/b]


Maybe it's a lady thing because my DW use this a lot.
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Millsfamily
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"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Yep, heard that about a million times and darn.....she got her wish. At least now I can blame her every time my daugther talkes back to me, after all she wished it on me.
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Silent Angel
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Purveyor of Handcuffs
Andrea, my mother used to tell me the same thing. I never had children, fortunately that one backfired on her. But I can remember her saying all the rest of them, over, and over, and over again. Now that I'm older, I use them on my husband. The dogs just don't understand. :lol
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Admin
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Keeper of the Castle
3rofl 3rofl 3rofl
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kiwi_too
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Sir Perceval, Ruler of the Realm
Silent Angel
Nov 21 2004, 09:30 AM
Now that I'm older, I use them on my husband. The dogs just don't understand. :lol

Think now! Are you sure that your husband understands. "Yes, Dear," is not a real indicator. :pound
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Silent Angel
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Purveyor of Handcuffs
Well, you know, after all he is just a man. A Good Man, but not the less a man. ;)
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