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You a guy? Someone ever called you 'nice'? Read on
Topic Started: 27th September 2007 - 02:23 PM (413 Views)
Warlord Linnal
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35th Bitter Being
For guys who are too nice (read: me)

I was reading the thread about the past, and several people (including me) complained (?) about being too nice. I remembered coming across this thing called 'Nice Guy Syndrome' a while ago.......

Oh yes, it is about the dreaded Nice Guy Syndrome. While reading it I go "hey, that's me"

Now I'm a confused gibbering pile of a guy who is nice and open, but also at the same time a guy who would say "I will not take that sh*t", crack another guy's skull, or keep on listening to Three Days Grace's 'Riot' just because it's true.


Hmmm *think happy thoughts*
....
......
........
...........
*is hit by a wave of misery and anger*
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Bodacious
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Well, it was a pretty good read, but I'm glad to say that I don't have it ^_^ .

... I have the 'I never meet women' problem instead (which, I can assure you, sucks pretty bad too) :unsure: .

Cheers,
Bodacious.
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Skaven Lord Vinshqueek
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Linnal, that swing of emotions you experience is called 'split personality'... Or was it called hormones? I kinda mix those two up from time to time. :unsure:

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Sebrent
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I'm sorry to say that I mostly found that "article" to be crap. It seems like the ramblins of a so-called "Nice Guy" who is having no luck with women. Yes, many women like men who are confident and assertive, but those qualities don't prevent you from being nice.

Besides its many glaring mispellings (which portray an author with mild to no education or a lack of thought in writing the article, making one think the author wrote it on a feeling) the author uses stereotypes. Being male does not mean being wild. Personally, I get annoyed at people making loud noises for no reason. On the flip side, in high school (where my wife and I met), I was confident in my abilities and expressed that by doing well in what I was interested in (soccer, computer, and class). My wife often tells me that it was my confidence. No one wants to hear someone say "I can't" about anything or "I'm not good enough." It's a loser attitude and few people like losers (bullies like them as punching bags).

This thing about showing your soft side to women being bad is also crap. My mother was... rrrm, hostile, after my parents' divorce and she was given custody... all starting when I was already a confusing age, puberty. Needless to say, both my male and female friends knew about my situation and even saw a tear here and there but many of those female friends ended up my girlfriend at one time or another and my shortest relationship was 3 months, so I must've been doing something right.

Men and women really need to stop thinking they are completely different species. Both are people. Both have individual personalities. I've seen girls more "manly" (stupid word) than guys and guys more "feminine" (another stupid word) than girls. Some people are intellectual, some emotional, some physical, or some combination of those. What it all comes down to at the end of the day is are you willing to take the bad with the good and are they.

Also, I agree with Vincent, that what you are probably experiencing is puberty. Suddenly you have a surge of horomones and everything is "serious" or "important" when, if you take a step back and look at it, it really isn't... often times the same things you'll hear parents and/or older siblings tell you are "silly", "stupid", "not worth your time."
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Chieftain Cazgar
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i think i have it. the first article isn't as well thought out i think. it's the 2nd one, the testimony or whatever, that makes sense to me. and i can fit myself into it quite easily.

but then i'm 16, and am at that stage in life where i can justify everything as being done to the detriment of mysen lol. still, it can't hurt to try and gain some more confidence, hopefully :unsure:
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Glod-Unbaraki
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hmm... I seem to have an advanced and odd case of this syndrome, I tend to have alot of female friends and am usually very articulate, women love to talk to me about things and will come to see me with problems.

However.

I am a smokin' hotty so I tend to get the ladies too. Score!

mwhahahaha


-Glod aka, "Smokin' Hot Guy 2000!"
How do they rise up?

Glod has nothing. :ph43r:
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Stinkhair
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Dabbling GM. Clanrat loon. 6th Edition Aficionado. Bitter.

Psch. I get the girls. What do I have that you all don't?

The answer is simple:

A Soviet Flag. ;)


Get with the reds, guys. The ladies love guys into the resdistribution of wealth and the good of the people. And a good set of gulags always helps. ;)



In all seriousness. Meh. I'm mysterious and elusive. Also, I fail to understand other people's problems with my simple attitude to life... And I'm unskilled at emotions, viewing emotional people as others do a big set of red sticks taped together and ticking... :P So I've never fallen into the nice guy trap.

And being mean to people is fun. Let's not forget that. :lol:

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Morkskittar
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I'd have to agree with Sebrent. Thise misspellings don't make me trust that any more.... and frankly, it all seems rather silly. :P Some of that advice is just weird.... like, take up the drums to become more masculine? I'm sorry, but I play drums, and know lots of people that do, and that will NOT AT ALL help you become masculine... I know a lot of effeminate drummers, and a lot of female ones too. :P

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GrimviewGrot
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Article sucked. The only people who think being a "Nice Guy" is a genuine problem are people who think a man showing any emotion is a sign of massive weakness. Also known as "morons." :P

Yes, confidence is important - but, frankly, complimentary personalities is much more important... I've seen a lot of geeks who've fallen for, for example, cheerleaders...
Geek- Plays video games, listens to obscure music, plays with little painted plastic models, etc.
Cheerleader- Watches Reality TV, listens to crappy mainstream music, etc.
As you may have worked out; That doesn't fit together well, at all.

The problem does not lie in being a "nice" guy or a "bad" guy or any of that tripe - it's all in personalities, not these ridiculous stereotypes. Having a connection with someone has very little to do with physical attraction (although that's certainly a part of it) - the connection has to be one of complementary personalities and shared interests.
Opposites, despite what Hollywood likes to claim, do not, in fact, attract. :P
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Rusty Tincanne
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...you can still call me Rusty Tincanne if you want, though.

Warlord Stinkhair
Sep 27 2007, 04:30 PM
Psch. I get the girls. What do I have that you all don't?

The answer is simple:

A Soviet Flag. ;)


Get with the reds, guys. The ladies love guys into the resdistribution of wealth and the good of the people. And a good set of gulags always helps. ;)

Sheesh! I never understood why I got all the chicks I wanted and then some. I thought it was because I'm good looking, now it all makes sense to me! It's because I'm a socialist. Thanks for enlightening me Stink! ;)


Here's a totally untested theory about people for you. It seems so true to me that I have to share it. People want what they cannot have. If it is too apparent that you are interested. Wham! Door shut. No one will be interested. Be a jerk who is totally self-involved and the doors [can] swing wide open. Act uninterested. Move to New Zealand (right mebob?). And the list goes on. It's a tiring game.

(As you get older people tire of all that, though - at least it did for me. The first few times I told a girl that I wasn't just interested in a weekender I didn't get anywhere. But the last time I told someone that, well it's been 5+ years now. ^_^ )

It also boils down to confidence - as Sebrent pointed out. So hold that chin up, watch your posture and be sure to talk as if you don't care what those other idiots think! It'll take you so darned far.(And don't admit you play wargames! :ph43r: :P )

Confidence needs to be tempered with humility, though! Remember that!
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Glod-Unbaraki
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Low King of PIODT
I completely agree with Rusty. However, you forgot the most important bit about getting girls:

being really, really, really, :unsure: really rediculously good looking.
*Does BlueSteel*


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How do they rise up?

Glod has nothing. :ph43r:
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scrivener
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*toot*

I think the author is confusing Wimp with Nice Guy. Not saying that Nice Guys can't get a gal because they are wimps, I think that sometimes a Nice Guy isn't appearing as suitable boyfriend material because of other traits, like e.g. being a loser who thinks of saying something like
Quote:
 
"How can a woman help the Nice Guy in her life? ... She can help him by encouraging him to develop the kind of qualities that she herself would like to see in him."
Dude, just help yourself, it's not hard. If you're the sort of person who thinks that confidence, assertiveness and jogging (wtf) are objects that need to be attained (with the appropriate encouragement from a gal-pal) solely for the purpose of getting laid, then for the love of all humanity please stay out of the gene pool. You're not a Nice Guy. You're a sponge.

Yep, gals have called me "nice", but I think the context was a little different. :unsure:
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Sebrent
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<3 Scrivener

Yeah, if your idea of learning how to get women is by having them shape you into a different person, you're S.O.L. If they don't like you for who you are, it's not going to happen... and you're quite a weak person for not being yourself.
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Warlord Linnal
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35th Bitter Being
MUTATE: I deleted my rant. It's just taking up valuable UE.net space.

Anyway I regret bringing this up and this is a problem I'll have to deal with myself.

Thanks for the input anyway.
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Rusty Tincanne
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...you can still call me Rusty Tincanne if you want, though.

Linnal
 
When I'm open about how I feel girls found it to be a turn off. It's a marker of being a wimp.


Linnal, it isn't just what you say, but also how you say it, and how much of it you say. It can go both ways, you must realize. There are plenty of "not nice guys" who don't get the girls because they reveal their true intentions too obviously. "Hey, how about we go and fornicate" is just as bad a thing to say as "My heart breaks every time you walk away in the company of another man." (But then again, once you're in a relationship, both of those things can be fine to say.)

However, saying things like, "I hate to see you leave, but I love watching you go." Especially if you say that after you hold a door open for them. Dev

As for going for the wrong girl, my friend Chris has most people beat. 3 crushes in a row: 1. ran off with a homeless guy, 2. lesbian, 3. died in a car crash. But he's married now, with 2 kids. So it can work out just fine!


If you have a lot of female friends, chances are that one or more of them has a crush on you, my friend. And chances are that you are making them feel the same way. (Happened to me.) Regardless, you need to start working on your flirting skills with these female friends. And with you male friends, too. (It's a different kind of flirt, with (possibly) a different end goal (not judging, just pointing things out), but I found that my flirting skills with the opposite sex really helped me with my same sex friends, and vice-a-versa. Flirting is flirting, and it is always good for everyone involves.

As far as you being a deep thinker, I can't really help with that. I don't really believe it, but I was once called one of the most shallow people [an ex] ever knew. (Didn't work entierly against me!) But in my experience, deep thinkers got all the artsy chicks. Go dress in black and get an art chick! j/k

Good luck!


mutate: Apparently i replied to you before you deleted your rant. I kind of liked it, actually, although it could have been shorter. (But who am I to say anything about brevity? Dev
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