Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Add Reply
Pirats!; Another story by Bassik and Blood Vixen!
Topic Started: 6th July 2006 - 03:14 PM (354 Views)
Bassik Dwarveripper
Unregistered

S'nkeep asked Blood Vixen and me to write a story for his campaign, and... here it is:

Bright red, the sun was setting in the now gold and pink ocean. Pink clouds adored it like a halo, and here and there the silhouet of a seagull swooped by.
Ariel stood motionless, watching the spectacle, as she did every evening. In the distance, the sails of mighty longships where heading her way, bringing reinforcements for the war. Bitter where the losses of the Asur, and so few has been gained. She shook her head, as the first stars began to glimmer in the moonless night. Perhaps she shouldnt have come here. Maybe, she tought, it was betther to get on a ship and return to her beloved land, with its white cliffs and tall pines.
She was disturbed in her memories by the sound of someone knocking at her door. It was Harry, the human wizard, and her newest lover. "Come in." She sayd coldly.
Harry went inside, and closed the door behind him. "Not now Harry, I have a headache." she sayd whiney. This allways worked with him. Humans, they are nothing more but animals driven by their most primal urges! And yet, she allways was very fond of her short-living pets.
Harry cleared his troath. "Thats not why I am here, comander. Our mages have reported sicemic activeties beneath the colony. We have reasons to believe they might be natural, but don't necesarily have to be."
Ariel nodded apathic. "Probably goblins or those vile dwarves. Don't pay attention to them, our reinforcements will be here soon enough." She sayd. while pointing at the sails that where illuminated by the last remains of sunlight.

Pirat Split Keeper was rubbing his teeth together. He was very content with the operation. Untill now, it prooved to be easier then cutting the beard of an imprisoned dwarf. And just as fun. He watched the swimmers agiley moving trough the water, carrying the certain doom of the elf-things with them. The first teams started climbing the shiprobes and where now sneaking on the deserted decks.
"Engineer, explain again the cunning genious of my plan and our new weaponry?" He asked to a figure in red robes, covered with humming and illuminating gizmoīs that made normal Skavens fur stand upright. But not brave Split Keeper, oh no, his fur was just puffed because of the sheer excitement of his brilliant plan that the engineers of clan Skryre made up.
The Engineer twisted a couple of buttons, and an eerie green steamcloud escaped from the two pipes on his back. Sparks where moving rappidly over a couple of wires near his mouth, and he moved his lips, without chittering anything. He then pushed another button, and the little holes in his equipment produced an artifficial voice for the living machine: "The swimmers will plant the brass globes in strategic places on the Elf-things ships. Then they must release the corks in them, and move away quik-quik, for the new refined warpgass will spread trough the entire ship, an invisible and odourless death to your clans enemies."
"Excellent." The Pirat sayd, rubbing his paws together. "This will be the most easy fight ever."
Green electricity sparkled in the engineers eyes, as he focused to zoom in on the operation. The scene looked, to him, as if it was filtered by a transparant warptoken, and was as visible as it would have been in broad day light. The swimmers where allmost done, most orbs have been planted in places where it would give maximum effect. On some ships, the corks where undone already, suffocating the sleeping crew. When the last cork was removed, the swimmers made great haste to return. They where lucky, only two died from the poisongass while trying to make it off the boats. The engineer had expected much more to die.

Loredar lay awake all night, too scared of the comming war to sleep. He just got pushed a bow in his hands and they told him to practice for 10 years. After that, he immidiatly got shipped to the war, after only 10 years of militairy training! There was no way in the Wastes that he would remain calm in the face of danger. Frustrated, he got out of bed, and left his snoring companions. Odd, he tought, Big Burian usually snores so loud the sound of the others gets drowned, but today he lay calmly, without making a sound.
His head ached, and things started to spin. Just the combination of seasickness and anxiety, he told himself, as he went up the deck for some fresh air. His head realy started to hurt, and he felled as if he couldnīt breath. He coughed, and fell flat on his face on the wooden planks of the deck. He felled he was losing concious, but something tried to keep him awake. Maybe he knew, deep inside, that falling asleep now would be his death.He crawled forward, to the rail, and watched the waving water. Then, he noticed the strange brass orbs scattered over the deck.Runes of the Ratgod where inscribed in them, and they made a hissing sound, like a balloon that looses air sloweley.
Loredar linked it with his strange sudden disease, and was strick with horror! he crawled towards the nearest orb, and knew he had to get rid of them all if he wanted to last the night. He dragged it with him, his mind swimming in agony, his lungs filling with blood and pus, as the gas was overtaking him. With his last strenght, he threw the orb over the rail, watched it fall, untill it plummited into the sea. Odd, he tought, as his body was devastated, his limbs and bowels scattered over the splintering wood. It wasnt that heavy, how could it throw up so much water?.

A loud explosion was heared, and several of the ships caught fire. In the bats nest, where the pirat and the engineer where looking at the fruitation of their plan, the engineer shrieked in high pitched tones. His voice machine sayd: "So they DO explode when in contact with water, fascinating."

Arielīs eyes widened when she saw half the fleet going down in flames. Various explosions where creating clouds of smoke, but she still could see the massive fleet of Elven ships where burning. Ships that survived the fire, where hurled at high speeds towards the shore.
Harry stood next to his mistress and commander, holding her hand tightly. "What the hell is happening there?"
Ariel did not know.

Early in the morning, the surviving ships where heading to the beach. The entire force has been mobilised in case of an attack, but the common tought was that perhaps a firemage made a big mistake. The survivers would tell them for sure.
They did not move away in time, convinced the expert navigators of the ships would stop in time.
But they didnt.
Over twenty spearelves where killed as the boats raced on the shore, splintering and killing as they got stuck on the landmass. The elite swordmasters climbed in the first, only to find the crew was dead!
The orbs, now useless brass construcions, where thrown off . "Skaven!" The bladelord sayd angryly.
As if it was a signal, metal ships emerged from the sea. Their hatches opened, and a horde of brown and phsycotic ratmen washed upon the shore. Screaming came from the mines, and from there too poored out a legion of the evil Skaven. The High Elves, unprepared and scattered, where quikly overrun with the chittering chaos spawn. Fourteen spearelves quikly formed disciplined ranks, while an overwhelming sea of fur and teeth got impaled on the long spears. Lifeless clanrat bodies where making the spears useless to the warriors, and they had to abandon their weapons and flee, only to be captured as slaves after the fight, and...

The Swordmasters where beheading the elite Stormvermin troops and their leader, the Pirat Split Keeper. Swift like a dragon, they evaded the crude halberds and leaped out to strike at least two of them at the same time. The big Pirat captain jumped on the back of the Bladelord, and plummited his rusty blade between his shoulders. He jumped of the dying elf before his corpse even hit the ground, ready to take on another of the hated Swordmasters, and...

Harry and Ariel ran outside, jumped into a chariot, and raced over the battlefield, trampeling Skaven, while Ariel picked out their leaders with her bow. Harry wove a powerfull incantation, and hurlded a fireball towards the winning Stormvermin and Split Keeper. However, the fireball suddenly faded and died in mid air, as an unexpected power resisted the humans powers. Harry looked at the source of the sudden magical power, and saw a creature from hell, a tall white Skaven, geared up with steamengines, and devices he suspected where the source of the ratmanīs power. He raised his hands in astonismend, as the Engineer fired a green glowing bullet out of the thunnel that was hammered in his paw-less arm. It was the last he ever saw, and Ariel screamed as her lover fell out of the wagon, not to move. And..

Four skavenlike figures, taller and broader then any Elf, their bodies seeming to be more muscle then anything else, where ravaging through her Silverhelms, and she steered towards them. Her horses crashed into the furred beasts, but instead of falling, one picked up the chariot, and tossed it away, breaking the necks of the two horses. Ariel, heavily wounded, was trapped under splintered wood and the dead horses. Her heart raced like never before, and she felled she was going to faint... But just in time, one of the reaver boys grabbed her dislocated arm, and lifted her on his horse. More horses and charioteers, crewed by a multitude of different warriors, where quikly leaving the colony, fleeing for their lives. Just before she lost her conciouss, she saw the ratmen where catching up and cutting down all the Elves that tried to flee by foot...



Quote Post Goto Top
 
Morgoth
Member Avatar
The Ancient Evil

Greeeeeat :D Dev :ph43r:

Now I only expect an assassin to jump from the cliffs to slit the royal elf-throat.

More to come I hope.

:pmaster: Morgoth

Greetings from MorgothPosted Image Mostly Clan Eshin, occasionally Clan Husk.
Proud keeper of the Poking Stick of Doom, known to many a RPG-player Posted Image
Quote:
 
SingTheScreams:   "....we ain't no chaos-worshipping freaks. We be ratmen, and we do as we please......"

----- Posted Image Posted Image Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Demagorgon
Member Avatar
Demaaaaargh

Fast paced, and good characters especially for such a short piece, it has inspired me to start writing again. My only complaint is that whenever I read 'Harry' my subconsciously quietly adds 'Potter' and then I snigger. But I think this is more my problem than yours.

Very good read :)
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Bassik Dwarveripper
Unregistered

Lol, yeah! I wanted the human wizard to have a Dutch name, and called him Harrie. As nobody would understand how to pronounce the "ie", I used an unholy Y instead. After reading it over, I also realised that many people would asociate him with Harry Potter, and that gave me enough reason to keep his name like that... for funs sake ^_^

I also liked the format of the story, a little something I think I made up but probably stole shamelessly from some writer much greater then me, and who's writing style I probably adore. Possibly Poe or King.
Yes, I think Stephen King is a magnifficent writer, whos style is simple, but also very understandable, and provokes your immagination. And his stories are allways very cool, he understands that in fiction, the laws of nature, physics, and Mc Donnalds don't neceseraly have to work properly. Putting the castle of the Wizard of Oz in his Dark Tower novels was, in spite of what crittics do with their thumbs, very bold and funny.

I call it, in true Skaven fashion I had to name it so it would seem as if I made it myself, the Multiple Angles Format! Adding multiple perspectives with different maincharacters could give a betther idea of the ungoing chaos, or so I tought. I hope you people liked the format as much as I did :)

Characters... at first my characters allways seem deep and well developed, but if you read more of my fluff, short stories or any other fiction I wrote, you'll notice it stays pretty much the same. That is because the characters allways are an aspect of my own personallity. The only exeption is Clips, who was an aspect of me, Blood Vixen, and a fictional character from Elfen Lied(mostly the Lied character) and is still regarded by me as the best character I ever used. She had my lust, BV's female instincts, and Lucy's cruelty(the fictional Lucy, not Blood Vixen).

The engineer is my favorite character in this fluff. I allways like to use skryre and moulder characters, for the possibileties with their gizmo's, mutations, and insane minds are endless

My fiction, especially non-warhammer ones, may seem very good at first, but in the end I'm just a hack using the same types of characters over and over again, and with long stories I have a trouble keeping up the same style of writing. Exeption is Emerald Sword, because the basic plotline was shamelesly stolen from Rhapsody (an amazing band, by the way!). I got in some obscure magazines nobody buys, I write stuff for Blood Vixen (cause I am her bishy) and affcorse, my favorite writing, Skaven fluff. But that happens way too few for my liking. On the other hand, writing Skaven fluff is the only kind of fluff that doesn't give me any reward of any kind ;) (you may not know it, but this was an sexual innuendo)

So in a couple of words: I suck, but mask it pretty well. ^_^
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Demagorgon
Member Avatar
Demaaaaargh

I am a huge fan of the different perspectives style of writing, and you have used it well.

Quote:
 
That is because the characters allways are an aspect of my own personallity.


I doubt you're alone in this, I notice that I section off aspects of my personality and give them names when writing, whether it's good practise or not I couldn't tell you but it's normal to draw from experience and people you know, and who do you know better than yourself? :D

OT: Emerald Sword is one of my favourite songs. It makes me want to go smite things, and because I am a five foot tall stump, me trying to smite thingswould be funny to watch.

Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Warwolt the disturbed assassin
D00M WH33L 1337 R1D3R
Truly Amazing story, the switch of perspective wheren't confusing a single bit. Loved it ^_^
Baanaaanaaaanaaaanaaanaaanaaaa
For the Monkey Boy, Boys!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Skaskrit Venomclaw
Member Avatar
Ex-Councilrat

I don't normally read much of the fanfiction subforum, but Bassik prodded me. So there.

Pros: very evocative beginning, the contrast between the langourous Elves and conniving Skaven was great. It's quite impressive how little space you need for a strong set up and resolution. The battle scene had a nice frantic feel to it. It has the makings of good writing, with some nice turns of phrase here and there. But...

Cons: the spelling and grammar detract from the piece, which is a real pity. Having to second-guess the meaning of some phrases pulls me right out of the story. It also reads like a part of a larger tale. Is it? Anyway, it's like you look at these characters, they're vividly drawn and quite obviously alive, but you don't really know them. But this comes with the short format and doesn't detract from the story as such.

Oh, and the "mighty wizard harry" puts me more in mind of the "mighty wizard Tim" than of Harry Potter. But perhaps that's because I'm not a great Harry Potter fan. Anyway, it's a discongruous name for such a character, which obviously was what you were aiming at.

As for characterisation... well, they say write what you know, and quite obviously you know yourself best, so in some ways it's inevitable that something of yourself ends up in characters you design. Personally, I find it much more fun to make characters quite unlike myself and try to understand their motivations, be they reckless stiff-necked knights or unscrupulous Skaven.

Shifting points of view so often in so small a piece is risky, I think, but you pulled it off. The sections were just large enough to work in their own right, and the switches helped keep the pace high. Things got a little more confusing at the end, but that could be construed as part of the chaos of battle. I liked the trick with the interrupted paragraphs, it conveyed the impression of a confusing melee with dozens of things happening at once or in quick succession.

All in all, this has the makings of a good story, but it could do with some polish.
"I have a post-Armageddon vision. We and all other large animals are gone. Rodents emerge as the ultimate post-human scavengers. They gnaw their way through New York, London and Tokyo... within 5 million years, a whole range of new species replace the ones we know. Herds of giant grazing rats are stalked by sabre-toothed predatory rats. Given enough time, will a species of intelligent, cultivated rats emerge?"

Richard Dawkins, The Ancestor's Tale
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Bassik Dwarveripper
Unregistered

Thanks Skaskrit, thats the best advice/criticism I ever recieved. :)

Grammar and spelling are deffintely a problem for me, as the only real practice with the English language I get is by chatting hours with a dyslectic woman.. not her fault though, the mispells where all done by me. ^_^

It was indeed a part of a bigger story, one I have never read. It was for S'nkeeps campaign, and all the characters where original newcomers that where probably not used by anyone after this piece of fluff.
I am also kinda interested how the campaign took this piece of fluff.

So thanks again Skaskrit, I knew it would be a good idea to let you read this. ^_^

And yes, the harry potter thing was a real freak coincident, but I liked it in the end and decided to stick with it.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Create your own social network with a free forum.
« Previous Topic · Fan Fiction and Fluff · Next Topic »
Add Reply