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Warhammer Jokes!!
Topic Started: 21st June 2004 - 02:59 PM (2,293 Views)
Grey Seer Lunifur
Unregistered

A Grey Seer, Dark Elf Sorceress and Chaos Sorcerer go fishing in a boat.
Half way through the day they realize their lunches are on the shore.

Without hesitation the Grey Seer pops out of the boat, walks across the water to shore, gets his lunch and walks back to the boat.

The Sorceress then gets out, dances across the lake, retrieves her lunch and returns to the boat.

Not to be outdone the Sorcerer stands up, steps over the side of the boat and sinks straight to the bottom of the lake.

Laughing hysterically the Sorceress looks at the Grey Seer and says "Do you think we should have told him about the rocks under the surface of the water?"

The Grey Seer blinks at the she-elf and says "What rocks?"

#gs#
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Dark Angel
Member Avatar
Evil Space Wolf
...and than I said, What smells BURN!

lol that was an ok joke but the end needs work.
I was one of the first! I ruled apon my clan! Than they turned on me like cowards! I walk the planet searching for awnswers to this curse! I will rule once again! Squeek-squeek! Death to all those who oppose me!
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Snikkit
Grey Seer
What, I'm confused(simple minds have that problem) Grey Seer Lunifur

A skaven home....

Deveoper:And here we have this beauty*points twoards a bunch of boards with a warpstone reactor in the middle*, it retails for about 10 million warpstone tokens

Possible Buyer:Why is it so much if there's a Warpstone device, what possible purpose does it serve?

Developer:Well, the only real reason is to horribly mutate the occupants and then sell them to moulder where they will be mutilated until they diee....

Possible Buyer:When can we move in....

Ahha fill this thread with stupid jokes Mwahahahahaha :blink:
ONLY 3 TENTACLES.....add more warpstone.
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Kill-Kill
Member Avatar
[insert cool member title here]
When you have four of them they say chaos, and are wished upon when (you have four of them)
each have three arows that canno't be shot. What are they?
<font color="darkred">Your words are just bloody fallacy,
A house of cards, painted white.
Tried to recreate Normandy,
But you made up the reasons to fight</font>

Mik was here! <font color=pink> <-thanks </font>
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Snikkit
Grey Seer
Um..uh...
oh oh I know

Louisiana....
(Did I win, do i get to be on the council :lol: )
ONLY 3 TENTACLES.....add more warpstone.
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Dark Angel
Member Avatar
Evil Space Wolf
umm rats?
I was one of the first! I ruled apon my clan! Than they turned on me like cowards! I walk the planet searching for awnswers to this curse! I will rule once again! Squeek-squeek! Death to all those who oppose me!
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Plaguemaster Skab
plaguemaster and official bearer of liber bubonicus
Grey seer I don't get ur joke.please explain

Quote:
 
1. pretend your posessed by something, 'i must find a new host' is a good thing to say
2. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
3.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the
elevator.
4.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
5.stare constantly at te other passengers with your eyes wide open start saying 'its coming .....'
6.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's
okay, don't panic, they open again!"
7.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
8.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting off.
9.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10.Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"





here is a REAL list of stuff to do in a elevator!
1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, darn it, all of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?
"9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, darn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
34. Play the harmonica.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
51. Make explosion noises anytime someone presses a button


Quote:
 
1.Belch your order.
2.Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.
3.Walk through.
4.Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.
5.Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please".
6.In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out of line and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.




Here is a bigger list of things to do in a drive through


1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.

2. Drive through backwards.

3. Belch your order.

4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.

5. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.

6. Walk through.

7. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.

8. Repeat everything the order-taker says.

9. Attempt to take the order-takers order ("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.

10. Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please."

11. In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out of line and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.

12. When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.

13. Drive through with a carload of naked people.

14. Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.

15. Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.

16. Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.

17. One word: Flatulence!

18. Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.

19. If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by speaking VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker. When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept your order. See how many of the order-takers fellow employees have been called over to the window to "check out the babe".

20. Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.
Posted Image
yep,I'm the one with the crown :P
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Lord Morskittar
Lord Warlock of Clan Skryre
I don't know if anyone has ever heard these before but they're so funny, I have 152 of them here's 50.

152 ways to annoy your opponent

1Bring a hand puppet. Question it constantly as to what is the best course of action.
2. Bring a small model coffin with undertakers. Everytime a model dies, escort it off the battlefield and give it model
funeral. Remember to hum the funeral theme tune.
3. Bring a falsified rulebook ( hours of fun ).
4. Shave your head. Paint your skin green. Wear a nose ring. Grunt a lot.
5. Flip a coin at the start of the game. After observing the outcome, claim that you have won the game. Look upset if your
opponent denies this. Sulk.
6. Bring 20 printed pages of notes and intellectual-looking glasses. Refuse to let your opponent look at them. Refer to
them throughout the game. Speak aloud as you read- "he's gone there, so contingency plan 8a means that I should..."
7. Insist opponent rolls all your dice for you. Complain and insult your opponent if you get any bad rolls.
8. Before the game, do a little dance and motion to the gods. Curse your opponent dramatically.
9. Arrive before your opponent. Set up your army and then take the other side of the table. Act as if you are expecting to
play with your opponent's army.
10. Add a spring loading system to your cannon. Bring lots of ball bearings.
11. Bring a plastic kid's sword and 'challenge' your opponent. If he refuses, claim you have won the game through his forfeit.
12. Play dead if your general dies.
13. Bring a Land-raider model from 40K. Leave it sitting conspicuously on your side of the table. Make cryptic references to
the power of laser cannon in WHFB.
14. Complain that you don't think you can trust your hero.
15. Act as if you are a sports commentator. Commentate on the game. Incessantly.
16. Ask politely if your opponent wouldn't kill your general. Explain that its his birthday.
17. Bring a smoke machine. Insist on recreating the "fog of war".
18. Sacrifice a goblin to Mork before the game. Saw off its head with a craft knife.
19. Arrange models in a diorama in the middle of the battle. Take photos for a "battle report."
20. Sharpen your goblins' spears before the game with a craft knife. Grin widely.
21. Cackle diabolically. "The World is mine! Nothing can stop me now!"
22. State before the game that you are playing for the title of the champion of the universe.
23. Feel the personal loss of every soldier. "Alas, poor Yorrick, I knew him well."
24. Lament the woes of war loudly. Faint when a model dies.
25. Add sound FX. Kaboom!
26. Ask if you can have TV rights to the game.
27. Just to surprise your opponent, agree amicably with and compliment your opponent!
28. Declare that you are opposed to the senseless destruction of our forests. Refuse to let him kill your treemen. Refuse to
let him move through woods.
29. Insist on a lunch break for your troops. Bring a model Mr. Whippy Van.
30. Explain that you are a pacifist. Call off the game immediately.
31. Order your miniatures in your best Sergeant-Major voice. "Quick march, on the double- hut!"
32. Ask if your opponent is opposed to nuclear warfare. Carry a small spherical device. Give no other reasons.
33. Wear a crown. Say that you are the "Lord of the Galaxy". Get a horde of admirers to cheer you on.
34. Bring a stuffed, shaved poodle. Say it is your mascot.
35. Grow a Hitler moustache and wear a swastika. 'Discipline' your troops if they fail to salute you.
36. Cheer on your miniatures.
37. Hide under the table at the start of the game. Make your opponent drag you out. Speak in a nervous whisper. Confide in
him that you are scared of his troops.
38. Leave a false army list lying around. Snatch it back angrily if your opponent starts to read it, but leave it visible.
39. Pull out an ace surreptitiously ( but obviously ) from your sleeve during the magic phase. Look pleased. Try to play it.
40. Keep a deck of Magic the Gathering cards handy. When you are told it is "the magic phase" bring out the cards and start
to shuffle them. Ask if he wants to cut your deck.
41. Speak in Skaven. Neek- Neek!
42. Tell him you've brought weighted dice. Complain about the uselessness of modern technology when you start to roll ones.
43. Bring a lamp. Rub it and make three wishes before the game. Look at your opponent accusingly if they don't immediately
come true. Ask him if he's used it.
44. Ask what year it is. Ask where you are. Ask what game you are going to play. If he says warhammer, bring out an antique
mallet and hit him with it. Smile a corny grin.
45. Make references to a spy/traitor in his army.
46. Don't place your wizard on the board at the start of the game. At the end of your deployment, use a small explosive
device to create a smoke screen and place down the wizard behind it while you yell, "poof!". When the smoke dissipates,
say, "Tadaa!"
47. Have a history written for every trooper. Start a family feud.
48. Poor cheese sauce all over your opponent's army. Complain that it is cheesy.
49. Come with an army painted completely flora purple. Wear dark glasses.
50. Attempt to bribe your opponent's characters. Turn away quickly if your opponent looks at you questioningly. Deny
everything.
“Runaway! Runaway!”
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Plaguemaster Skab
plaguemaster and official bearer of liber bubonicus
51 things to do before battle


1. Ask if he has a license to drive that steam tank.

2. Make your opponent take a stupidity test. Refuse to let him do anything if he fails it.

3. Stare deep into his eyes. Use hypnosis to convince him he is a chicken. You may revert him back to normal at the end of the game.

4. Paint all your miniatures naked. Complain about their dirty habits.

5. At the start of the game, flash a fake FBI card. Demand to see his army list.

6. Bring a water pistol. Squirt him in the back every time he turns away. Claim it was raining.

7. Dress up in a suit. Bring a pointer and a big map. Give a weather report before the game. Predict sunny weather. Surreptiously pour a bucket of water on the table when he’s not looking. If he asks for an explanation, explain that "nobody’s perfect".

8. Toss a bucket of water over his undead. Look worried when nothing especially unexpected happens <except maybe for the table owner to walk up…>. Mutter about the declining standards of holy water. Try garlic. If that doesn’t work, throw on a steak.

9. Bring a fire danger chart. Set it to "extreme". Wear a "smokey the bear" cap. Refuse to let him use fiery convocation. Pour a bucket of water on the board if he does.

10. Pour a bucket of water on the table. Look down on your miniatures and yell, "sink or swim, you lazy *&^%".

11. Pour a bucket of the water. Claim it was necessary in terraforming the planet.

12. Bring a whiteboard and a texta. Give all your miniatures a briefing before the game. Get them all in a circle and yell out repeatedly "psyche! psyche! psyche!".

13. Bring cheerleader models. Place on the side of the table. Bring a tape of chants- 5,6,7,8 who do we appreciate?

14. Plunk a computer on the table. Explain that your mate "Deep Blue" is standing in for you.

15. Roll out a wooden trojan horse, but nothing else. Wait expectantly.

16. Dedicate the game to your "beloved late last opponent." Sharpen your teeth. Grin.

17. Ask your opponent for a building permit before he places any huts.

18. Wear a sponsorship shirt- "Ashur Inc". If possible, be part of a team.

19. Apologize, but explain that your troops are on strike. Refuse to play unless he pays for their pay rise.

20. Explain that all your miniatures have a 1+ save, as they are made of "white metal".

21. Charge him a parking ticket for his chariot.

22. Paint all your miniatures in football uniforms. Bring a little football. When you see all his miniatures with weapons, ask "Isn’t this the Campbell memorial football stadium?".

23. Come into the room screaming "they’re alive! they’re alive!" with goblin spearmen rammed into your skin all along your arms.

24. Make him draw a pentagram, chant and sprinkle incense before you let him place his Greater Daemon.

25. Look at his goblins for a long time. Make allusions to the fact that they all look exactly the same. Warn about inbreeding.

26. Bring a little whistle. When he kills one of your miniatures, blow it and gesture your way. Explain that he was "off-side".

27. When he fires a cannonball, ask him if he will let you make a 4+ "catch and throw back" roll.

28. Slap him with a public indecency suit when he places his witch elves on the board.

29. Offer him some "squig beer". Make sure that it is green.

30. Speak in rhyming couplets. "Oh it shall be as thus/you save on a 4 plus"

31. If asked to guess a range, guess in nanometres. Measure it out on your specially designed tape.

32. When you activate the Black Gem of Gnar, start singing, "This is the challenge that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends…" Stop and look surprised when the effects wear off.

33. Bring an apprentice model for one of your characters. When he attacks, exclaim, "No, no, no, not like that! Repeat after me: I will not swing my sword in anything less than a 45 degree arc, I will not swing my sword…"

34. Ask where it says you can’t use your orbital phaser cannon. Repeat in turn for: gargant, selective volcano, life-sized cannon, mad attack kitten, doom-diver carrying a neutron bomb, rat-sac, etc.

35. Put a little conductor figure out the front of your deployment zone, complete with music stand and tails. Tap your range ruler on the edge of the board… "1,2,1,2,3,4". Quickly switch on a tape of the Philadelphia harmonic choir as you gesture wildly with your range ruler. After four seconds, have the tape click and end. Drop the ruler and look embarrassed.

36. As soon as he kills one of your models, put on a police cap and switch on a police siren. Stroll up to your opponent. Fake a yorkshire accent. "Allo, allo, allo, what do we have here then?" Pick up his general. "He’s the brains of the operation, is he then?" Turn to the original model. Pick him up and read him his rights. Arrest his army for grievous bodily harm.

37. Ask his wardancers where they got the kinky gear. Wink seductively.

38. Hide under the table. Use -ventriloqui- -Ventriloquiy- throwing your voice to project your voice onto your general model.

39. Calculate the angles of elevation given the wind resistance, escape velocity and the aerodynamics of the projectile before firing his cannon.

40. Give the post-modernist influences on your painting style. Critique his.

41. Put little red curtains along your deployment zone boundaries. Begin, "May I present…" and pull them back dramatically. Reveal an empty stage. Look around nervously and repeat your line a little louder. Close the curtains again. Repeat.

42. Trip his giant.

43. Run an electric current through your fence.

44. Bring a 600 page bound book with big letters on the front "FAQ". Lay it on the ground facing England and worship it. Prop up a little framed picture of Tuomas Pirinen next to it. Demand your opponent join you in a prayer small prayer session to Him.

45. Demand he right the gender and racial inequalities in his army.

46. Stand on the board. If he says anything, explain that your army has transcended this world and has risen to the spiritual plane. Explain that you are their physical medium and must fight on their behalf. Look down at his army and laugh.

47. Write a ballad about the battle.

48. When the game is in full swing, get a friend to bring over a UFO model. Have it hover over the board. Abduct his army. When it is all over, deny everything. Make sure your watch has ’lost’ six minutes.

49. Bring a little coffee mug in the shape of the cauldron of blood.

50. Bring a real elastic band for your doom diver. Why stop at _throwing_ miniatures?

51. Read the above out before the game.

You know you have played warhammer too long if...

The collection of "You know you have been playing Warhammer for too long when..."

Now for the big challenge: Let's hear your score !

1. You got hit by a car and wondered how many impact hits it caused.
2. Your cat "ambushes" you and you call it a dirty rotten beast"man" by mistake.
3. Your girlfriend automatically "dispels" any arguments you might have against her parents coming for dinner.
4. Go spelunking hoping to find a dwarven hall.
5. You wake up in the morning and fail your "stupidity" test, and do stupid things all day.
6. Every one at the emergency ward knows you as "the guy who always super glues himself together."
7. When you start to get scared that your good friend threats of taking over the world with a massive Undead army are true...
8. The only reason you oppose the War in Iraq because it wasn't a fair fight point wise.
9. You would rather paint up some minis than go out with a Girl.
10. The Sunlight hurts your eyes.
11. You play entire 2000pt battles inside your head, using mathamatical probabilities to decide the outcome of each fight, including VPs, combat res, etc.
12. You practice dice rolling on a regular basis, feeling that there must be some sort of technique to it.
13. You plan an invasion of your neighbour's house.
14. Your skin begins to turn green after painting your 9026th goblin.
15. You ask if you can enroll in elven history at school.
16. You wonder what Morgianna le Fey wears to bed.
17. You turn the von Carsein story into a romance novel.
18. You wonder why the US army hasn't yet come up with the Doomwheel.
19. You are upset when you are forced to re-write your definition of greenskin when the lizardmen came out.
20. You start to confide in your miniatures.
21. You ask the petshop guy for a snotling for your youngest child.
22. You attempt to sell your soul to Chaos.
23. You actually think you sold your sold to Chaos, and not some GW employee named Gil...
24. You sharpen your toiletbrush in case of a skaven sewer invasion.
25. You wonder if there's a way to shrink historic buildings to use as terrain.
26. You model furniture for your model houses.
27. You tear up your forbidden rod card, burn it and scatter the ashes.
28. You start to ask for Bugman's at the local pub.
29. You consider a Chaos Dwarf hat fashion.
30. You spend sleepless night's worrying about the helm of many eyes/ Double Handed weapon issue.
31. You tell your fiancee that her engagement ring is the ring of corin.
32. You wonder if you can deadlock your neighbour's lawnmower at five o'clock in the morning.
33. You buy a pet rat and name it Queek.
34. You consider buying a chariot for your next car.
35. You consider voting chaos at the next elections.
36. You Mental Duel your friends.
37. You play warhammer at realistic scales ie. on an oval and sneer at those who don't.
38. You wonder if your tadpoles will grow into skinks or sauruses.
39. You yelled out tactics to Mel Gibson throughout the screening of "Braveheart".
40. You try to locate your town on the old world map.
41. You make small offerings to Chaos before an important die roll.
42. You write a biology essay on how Goblins reproduce.
43. You laugh every time you hear the "Itzi bitzi, Tenehuini, yellow polka dot bikini" song.
44. You tattoo yourself with the skaven symbol.
45. You begin to write in dwarven runes.
46. You paint your models in a camouflage scheme. You repaint them before every game to match the scenery.
47. You cry when your general dies. You hold a funeral for him.
48. You re-write the rulebook (check out http://www.phantasia.dk/wrathweb/tabletop/dsys/index.htm).
49. You start a motion to add more distance to the inch.
50. You start to gain a skaven accent.
51. You publish the liber bubonicus.
52. You grow bansai trees on your table to use as scenery.
53. You invent statistics and special rules for your girlfriend. You give them to her as valentine's gift.
54. You send your scripts for "Gotrek and Felix- fearless warriors" to the local TV channel.
55. When asked who your heroes are, you answer, "usually one plague priest leading the plague monks and a few chieftans scattered around the clanrats."
56. You work out every single 2000pt skaven army allowable under the rules. You keep them all in a filing cabinet.
57. You start to call your mother-in-law Hellebron.
58. You have a two sheds full of polystyrene.
59. You write as your new year's resolution, "to fulfill the grail quest."
60. You install a screaming bell instead of a car horn.
61. You create WHFB-WH40k-Necromunda-Epic to allow you to use all of your models at once.
62. You ask the airlines if you can fly gyrocopter.
63. You wonder at what altitude an aeroplane could be considered "flying high."
64. You take the time to read 100+ E-mails a day about WHFB and are able to convince yourself that its worth the effort!
65. You refer to your car as a steam tank and calculate how many hull points you have left after a crash.
66. When you carry around a couple of dice in your back pocket for those undecided times
67. When you refer to your cooker as the halfling hot pot
68. When you refer to your mates as filthy skaven deserving of a dwarven axe
69. When static grass begins to look better than real life grass
70. When you wish you could be in the warhammer world
71. When you begin finding that you havent been in any other shop than games workshop for well over a year
72. When the store manager becomes your best friend lol
73. When every room in your house has something from the warhammer world displayed in it
74. You end you're prayers with "in Sigmar's name, Amen"
75. You have a pot of boiling oil by you're drains incase of a skaven attack.
76. You write a letter to you're local elector count to camplain about the state of the provences road network.
77. You write a letter to you're local MP to complain that making the new dustbin wagons unbreakable is cheesy.
78. You start muttering "***** elf" under you're breath every time you walk past a tall slim pale skinned person.
79. You start a campaign to slaughter all squid because you're sure those tentacles are mutations of chaos.
80. You never accept a drinking contest with a short bearded man.
81. You think you will be ok in a bar fight because the table and beer bottle you're fighting with should confer a 5+ save.
82. You punch someone you roll a D6 to see if you got a killing blow.
83. You are having an arguement and wonder how many wounding hits you're opponent has caused.
84. You lie awake at night wonderring how orcs are born
85. Your wife mentions she has to stop by the local crafts store for scrap booking materials and you perk up and ask if you can go along (to look for odd bits of terrain, base material or what ever)
86. You're stuck in traffic and think how nice it would be to cast the Steed of Shadows spell, then argue with yourself and decide the Cloak of the Dunes would be better
87. You come by a recent car accident with all your minis in the trunk, and instantly start to despair how bad it would be to loose those. And never stop to think about the car or your life.
88. You move to Des Moines, Iowa in the hope it will curry favor for your Chaos army from the god, Khorne
89. You size up your local minister during the homily to determine if he'd make it as a warrior priest (mine wouldn't but the choir leader would look mighty fine sitting a horse in the middle of a Lance)
90. Your wife calls down to the basement asking how much longer you'll be painting fig's and you answer "10 minutes" > an hour later you go upstairs and find her in bed wearing skimpy red lingerie.... and she's fast asleep (Doh!)
91. When you and your friends walk around in square formations so you can recieve a rank bonus
92a. When you refer to your teacher as the keeper of secrets (exam papers etc.), or in some cases snotlings.
92b. And concerning last year, changer of ways (when they changed the grades on the A level/GCSE papers last year)
93. You try to Skitterleap yourself out of class
94. You cast titilating dilusions on the proffesor to go somewhere, steal a hall pass and hop into your steed of Slannesh (which is accualy your beat up Pontiac) and march away 20" a turn
95. When you wake up in the morning, go outside, lick your finger and stick it in the air to try to find out if the winds of magic will be good today.
96. When you dig a hole in your yard telling everyone who asks that you're looking for Skavenblight, then you pat your sword next to you and wink.
97. When your cool friend says "I just got with that hot cheerleader Josie" and you say "Does she have six boobs?" and he says "No" and you say "then she's nothing compared to my Feárendle" and you pat your pocket containing a daemonette model.
98. When a hot girl trips infront of you and asks you to help her out and you say "Sorry I gotta go paint".
99. When you meet a midget and say "Where do you keep your gold?"
100. When the jock at school pushes you over in the halls and you get up and say "I can beat you in warhammer any day, loser!" then run and cry.
101. When the teacher in school asks you what you're favourite sport is, and you say "warhammer".
102. When the firebell rings at school and you yell out "It was Archaon! He has come with his evil legions! Run now!" then run out the door flailing.
103. When you see a shooting star at night with your girlfriend and say "Allright, where's the wizard, you stay here, you should be safe" and run off, sword drawn searching for the mage.
104. When you catch a fish then continually ask it if it's part of a sea man army.
105. And...When that fish finally dies in your hands, you cry outloud in horror screaming "What have I done? They will avenge I'm sure! I am doomed!"
106. When your late to work cause you were gluing your new minis together in a mad rush, wonder all day why people give you strange looks, and discover later at home theres a plastic orc superglued to the arse of your pants. ... So thats where that went ?
107. When you guess a range for the cannonball standing on a bus stop to hit this dirty big chariot called by some people "BUS"
108. When you go to the road and mesure above....
109. When you drive your car 200 Kmph and when stopped by police you explain that you must hurry cause the Chaos Gate has opened....
110. You use a scatter dice to help you walk.
111. You wake up in horror after rolling a miscast in your dream.
112. You are in art musuems thinking all the marble statues would really look cool painted.
113. White Dwarf stacks are higher than Playboy stacks in your room.
114. You've been pissed off by Games Workshop so much, that you've given in and realize that you'll just have to get better jobs that pay more, so some Brit can take all your money because the newest toys soilders stats are the best ever.
115. You listen to the "Shadow of the Horned Rat" soundtrack religiously.
116. Twin Tailed Comet plaques hang above your doorway.
117. You lost a finger to an exacto, and glued it back with Zap.
118. When your dog changed into a flash-hound and you call him Sigmar
119. When you paint yourself green, start grunting and hitting anyone you see screaming at the top of your lungs "WAAAAGH!"
120. When your wife has the games store on speed dial to be able to find you.
121. When you intentionally switch to PB&J sandwiches twice a day to afford that new regiment you've wanted so badly.
122. When you take style cues from your favorite mini. (ie your barber knows the "slayer" cut)
123. You were REALLY rooting for Helm's Deep to get crushed, and were pissed da boyz didn't pull it off.
124. You run your favorite hero in a RPG to get the whole experience.
125. You can't wait for halloween because your wife will let you dress her up, but you're torn between flavors of elven women to go for.
126. You think about buying new rims for your car with spikes on the hubs to up the impact hits.
127. You routinely patrol graveyards with blunt weapons to make sure the gits are staying dead.
128. You delay your trip to Egypt until you nail down your anti Khemli strategy.
129a. You ever wonder what snotling tastes like.
129b. You make up recipes.
129c. You simulate as closely as possible and actually try them out
130. You start grumbling at King Arthur movies when they don't show proper respect for the Lady of the Lake.
131. You can guess the generation of spawning just by licking a toad, and are working on it for lizards.
132. You think it would be cool to party with some drunken goblins, but then you realize your dwarven neighbors would freak.
133. You taste test paint before buying it.
134. You wonder why they don't load up their catapults with garlic and wooden stakes when facing VC.
135. You agonized over the names of your children because you used all the good ones on your heros.
136. You and your mates are currently in negotiations with GW to open a "Bugman's" themed pub.
137. Your christmas village mantle decorations are actually themed warhammer terrain.
138. Your major in the univesity is genetics because you'd love a griffon for a pet.
139. You go to a renaissance festival dressed as your favorite hero, and wear out the ears of the guys that work there when asked who you are.
140. You walk through a pet store and thought you saw the hamsters(skaven)in formation
141. When all your friends refer to you as "the crack dealer" since you were the first to start to play and showed them all those neat white dwarf mags (btw the first is for free , but a friend a mag and they usually get into warhammer i have found
142. When you can't play any other game without resorting to D6 and armoursaves - "No checkmate! My king has a 4+ wardsave!"
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yep,I'm the one with the crown :P
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SingTheScreams
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Call me Sings

whats the difference between a ratling gun team and a dead pair of rats?

none!


lol i know lame but i hate those things... somehow my WFTs never die but my ratling always gets doubles on like the 2nd or 3rd dice...
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arqueek
 
no need to worry for soul, instead starts worshipping STS and slaughtering unbelievers in his holy name.
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grendel23
Globadier
i aim at your feet but hit your nose.

what am i?
if vegetarians eat vegetables, i guess that makes me a humanitarian
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Snikkit
Grey Seer
A spring launched at such an angle it will bounce back after hitting your feet into your nose :lol:
Or a Warplock pistol pointed backwards.....
ONLY 3 TENTACLES.....add more warpstone.
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typo
Grey Seer
well, this isnt really a joke but a good way to annoy your opponent.

First, act nervous through the first 3 turns of the game. Then, bring up a rules question and ask your opponent to check the rule book, while he is doing this, pukk out 10$ and attempt to bribe his general. When you opponent looks back quickly poket the money and DENY EVERYTHING. After a few moments of your opponent asking what the hell is going on, let out a bloodthirster yell and try to attack his general screaming "DAMN YOU *censored" YOU RATTED ME OUT"

Cheers
That pesky warmachine keeping you down, or is that combat monster destroying your army? NEVER FEAR... ESHIN IS HERE


Wherever there is injustice... I will be there... Wherever crime is going on unhindered... I will be... Oh screw it, cant anyone take the law into their own hands

Happy Hunting

Cheers,
Typo

Record (w/l/t) 27/5/7
SoC Record(w/l/t) 13/1/2
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Snikkit
Grey Seer
lol, do that at a tournament, then blame it on the next tables general giving you that idea....
ONLY 3 TENTACLES.....add more warpstone.
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Deathmaster Mik
Member Avatar
Claw of the Shadow

grendel23
Jul 8 2004, 03:02 AM
i aim at your feet but hit your nose.

what am i?

:lol: I think that makes you a monster-sized penis that got aroused really fast, Grendel :P
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Death lurks in my cloak.................. Death dances in my footsteps;................. I am become Death. ................. Amen
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