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The Onion Sportsdome Remembers Dale Earnhardt
Topic Started: Feb 22 2011, 04:38 PM (197 Views)
Orangesmoke20
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Too hot to handle.. too cold to hold... ohhhhhh yeahhhhh!!!
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It's been 10 years since racing lost Dale Earnhardt, a man synonymous with NASCAR's rise to popularity in the 1990s. We look at his life and legacy.

1950: Conceived when a sperm crashed headfirst into the membrane of an ovum

1974: Upon watching his son Ralph Dale, Jr. being born, Earnhardt spits, says, "Good luck, kid," and walks away

1975: After finishing 22nd in his racing debut, Earnhardt announces he plans to get better, first by purchasing a car

1976: Immediately after Janet Guthrie makes sports history by becoming the first woman to run a superspeedway race, Earnhardt spins her out, winning the hearts of NASCAR fans

1980: Wins his first Winston Cup for being the only driver to actually keep track of who won and how everyone finished in each race

1987: Earnhardt suggests everyone start calling him "The Intimidator"

1987: Informs GM Goodwrench they will sponsor his car from now on; Goodwrench company decides they'd better do as he says

1992: Thanks to Earnhardt's tireless efforts, NASCAR fans are finally willing to accept a black car

1994: Seventh Winston Cup championship ties him for most of all time with Richard Petty, the other famous NASCAR driver

1997: Establishes the Dale Earnhardt GM Goodwrench Man In Black #3 The Intimidator Wreck The Tits Off 'Em Foundation, which raises money to fight breast cancer by spinning out Jeff Gordon

1998: Smokes an entire pack of cigarettes and reads four issues of Field & Stream while racing the Coca-Cola 600

1999: Fucks Terry Labonte's wife right in front of him
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JetBlack3
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I am the tag team champions
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:lmao: Good stuff

:( I miss Dale
Edited by JetBlack3, Feb 24 2011, 12:58 AM.
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