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| A monster description | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 7 2007, 09:43 PM (369 Views) | |
| blood rain | Sep 7 2007, 09:43 PM Post #1 |
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Feel my Heat
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I had to write a monster description with a picture of the monster for a school project.I wrote this last year,but I thought I might as well share it with everyone.I don't have the picture on me since the school has it.For the picture and the piece of description I got 90%. Monster Description Its breath smelt like a dead fish.Its eyes were on fire and snakes were wrapped around its neck.Its hands were rock solid.It laughed like a witch and hissed like a snakes.It was the smell of a dustbin.It towered like a colossal mountain,its sharp claws were covered in fresh blood.Spikes covered its disgusting head.On his head were deep cuts that were oozing with blood.Two fangs were purple with deadly venom. This creature is the last of is kind.It is a Dandorey.A dangerous race that used to kill thousands of people.Acid poured from its monsterous mouth.Its tongue was pointed and it was purple from all the venom inside its mouth.The eyes on his scary face were roaring like a gigantic fire. The only way to kill this deadly creature is to stab him in the leg because there is a huge open wound on his leg that leads to his other brain.The other way to kill it is to throw a bucket of water on his eyes to blind him and then you stab him in the leg easily. If you ever see this monster,make sure you have a bucket full of water nearby. Its second brain is as big as a boulder and it is filed with vicious maggots which are always thirsty for blood.This huge monster wields a scythe the size of a huge pole,which has dry blood on the tip of the sharp,curved blade.When it breathes,fire comes out of its mouth just like an evil dragon.Spikes as long as a door are onto of its scaly neck.Seperate eyes are on his tree trunk like toes and the eyes are blood red. Sometimes this monster curls up into a ball to stop humans attacking it and he sleeps on top of any mountain that is high up in the sky.Be warned,you don’t want to meet this monster on a dark night. |
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| Houndoomed | Sep 7 2007, 09:56 PM Post #2 |
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Don't mess with the best.
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Well, I guess I have time for a crappy review
First of all - you say: It is big. It is green. Try making it more exciting and different. You also need to increase your vocabulary. Like instead of using the same words all over again, use different ones, ven if they mean he same thing but they're a different word. And describe it more - it's boring the way you use hardly any adjectives. And make it more scary,by using present tense and eerie sentances. Take this line: Its breath smelt like a dead fish.Its eyes were on fire and snakes were wrapped around its neck. Which turns to: Breath that smelt horribly similar to dad fish. Blazing tongues of fire where its eye sockets are and giant snakes wrapped around its long, slimey neck. I did one in the style of the one above for my English class, instead a new animal instead of a monster. I didn't get a grade, but my teacher said I was great at detailing things xD. As you get older, you should get better. I hope this (kinda) helped. |
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| blood rain | Sep 7 2007, 10:11 PM Post #3 |
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Feel my Heat
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Thanks for the comments.I will write another description later probably. |
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