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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 3 2007, 08:33 PM (6,989 Views) | |
| Edward Grant | Dec 14 2008, 01:15 AM Post #261 |
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Edward breathed out painfully as she kissed him back. He almost wanted her to push him away and run out. He knew that would be bad and that he`d be hurt, but this... this was worse, knowing that eventually she will go away. He knew it, because she always did. And even knowing that he had to, he couldn`t force himself to pull back. It was too good and too bad at once. He realized that his hand raised up and his fingertips softly brushed down her arm. He didn`t do it. His mind did. But then, after what looked an eternity he actually pulled back. He had to. Because he knew that in the end she will be the one leaving him and hurting him. If he was a Pureblood male, that didn`t mean that he didn`t have emotions. He just didn`t show them. As he pulled back he lingered close to her lips, wanting to kiss her again. But clenching his jaw he stretched at last. Then he realized that someone was silently sobbing. Elisabeth. Painfully he closed his eyes and turned his head to a side. He was torn. |
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| Julianna Eppes | Dec 14 2008, 01:25 AM Post #262 |
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The second Juls came back to her senses, she realized that Elisabeth was crying. The other woman didn't even try to hide it, and even as she enjoyed him touching her, even as their breath mingled - he was so painfully close - Juls felt guilty. Because he was married. This 'Liz' did have 'dibs', so to speak. Despite her being gone, they were married. And Juls was here kissing him. Shit. But then Edward stood up straighter, and Juls breathed out painfully. Merlin, it would have been so much better if he had stayed angry and made her leave. Now he was just playing with her, because she knew he'd never pick her instead of his wife. That was a ridiculous idea. Ridiculous. "Damnit." She breathed, her fingers fluttering up to press against her lips. |
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| Deleted User | Dec 14 2008, 01:33 AM Post #263 |
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Elisabeth knew he hated if she showed any kind of weakness. She knew that he only saw her crying few times. But this future... was nothing what she imagined. And yet, it only made her want to make this right. Not to leave, not to go back. To make him love her like he used to. Because she wasn`t sure if he still did. "Edward..." she sobbed out, taking a step towards him and putting her hand softly on his back. "But I`m back. You don`t..." she broke off and took a deep breath. She had to stop crying... "You don`t need her." she whispered, her lips trembling. He had never before done this to her. He loved her too much. |
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| Edward Grant | Dec 14 2008, 01:41 AM Post #264 |
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Edward opened his eyes at last. Then looked back at Julianna. She regretted it. He didn`t. For once in his life he actually did something what might hurt Elisabeth that bad. And he hated to hear her crying, because that made him feel hurt. And now she was crying. Though at her words he quickly turned to her, his muscles tensing up. He was just trying to keep it all inside. Because he would never break down. "You don`t think I know that?" he asked her, gripping his fists as he actually saw the tears on her cheeks. "But you will leave." he said firmly, assured of himself. "We both know that you will. You have nothing here to stay for." he kept on speaking, looking right at her eyes. How could he be doing this to her? And yet, that moment he realized the painful truth that he was saying. She will go back. "There you have everything you ever wanted. Everything." he shook his head. "Who would ever want to change that with this?!" he asked, clenching his teeth and pointing at his own face. Back there he was younger. Back there... was no Julianna. And he only kept his jaw clenched, just to make sure to keep it inside. |
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| Julianna Eppes | Dec 14 2008, 01:54 AM Post #265 |
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Juls didn't understand what was happening. She just...she lost it all comprehension of it all. Liz was crying, she was near tears, he was was...who knows, making everything so confusing... It would have been so easy if he'd just told her to leave. Everything would be over. It'd be done. This wouldn't be happening...and this not happening... Juls looked down at the floor, her arms wrapped around herself as Liz basically said that Juls was just a fill in, and that she wasn't needed. Implying that she should be dismissed. And maybe Juls should be. Maybe. But thats not what he did. It hurt. It physically hurt to be so confused, so strung along. She waited, trying to steady her breath as Edward began talking to Liz, and although she listened, things still didn't make sense. Maybe Liz left him. Thats why he's saying she would again. But where was back there? Juls didn't know. She wasn't part of this part of the conversation, and she just wilted, silently, waiting to find out if she had to leave or if she was just going to be pushed even further past her limits. |
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| Deleted User | Dec 14 2008, 02:04 AM Post #266 |
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Elisabeth had to take a step back once more as he started speaking. He wasn`t angry, she could say so. He was scared. Terrified. the only thing she understood was that she had no idea about what. It wasn`t like him to be scared. She then shook her head hard, denying his words. "No, Edward! I won`t leave!" she promised, tears still streaming down her face. She was thinking about that before, but now... how could she? Her life had fallen apart in the future. How could she just stay calm about it? "I love you, I would never leave you!." she said, trying hard to stop her tears, but not being able to. This couldn`t be happening. "Why, why the hell did I leave you before?!" she almost yelled at him. |
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| Edward Grant | Dec 14 2008, 02:10 AM Post #267 |
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Edward couldn`t feel his body. He went numb as he was trying hard to block it all out. Why she had to come back now? He wasn`t doing well, he missed her, he needed her and now when she was back, he knew she`d leave again. When she said she loved him something clicked in him. "No you don`t." he said coldly. "You never loved me. And I know that." he kept on speaking. Damn for once in his life he was going to say out loud. Admit it. "The only person you ever loved was my brother. Do you think that I`m that blind?! For twenty five years you couldn`t get over him! You`ve been with me only because we had the same blood. So stop pretending that you did, because :censored: but that only hurts much more!" he realized that he had started yelling. Damn that. At her question he fell silent. Even if she didn`t love him, he knew that she wouldn`t leave him. He gave her all what she needed and that was all what she wanted. They both knew that. He closed his eyes again. He couldn`t see her face while saying those words. "You have died." he said silently, knowing that he should keep his eyes shut, but realizing that he couldn`t. |
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| Julianna Eppes | Dec 14 2008, 02:26 AM Post #268 |
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Juls found that she was being ignored, but she didn't quite mind. Instead, in their emotional display, she found herself sinking back down. Supposedly she was aiming for the couch, but it was too far behind her; she ended up on the ground, her legs bent underneath her. And she just listened, her head bent to hide her face. She knew her emotions were clear. They were always sprawled across her face. That wasn't any different today as it was any other day, yet, today the emotions were painful and vivid. So she didn't show her face. It didn't matter; they were paying no attention to her anyways. Yet, when Edward said that Liz had died, Juls flinched. So many people came back when they were believed to be dead. Her Jimmy included. Still, she couldn't help the slight hope when he said that she didn't love him. But she said she did. It was all too confusing. She was stuck in the middle of something she didn't understand. |
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| Deleted User | Dec 14 2008, 02:33 AM Post #269 |
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Elisabeth winced as he started yelling at her. She never figured that he knew. But now she understood that he didn`t even need her to love him. He was only happy by being with her. Well, before she left. And then suddenly his face changed. There was sorrow on it. And the next thing he said made her go numb. No. No, this was not happening. She was still asleep. She had to. She didn`t die. She couldn`t die. No. Looking right at him, she only realized that she was sick. Too sick to ignore it. Hanging her head down she only ran to the nearest bathroom and shut to the door behind her. No. |
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| Edward Grant | Dec 14 2008, 02:40 AM Post #270 |
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Edward watched how her expression changed. Well what did he think would happen? He had just told her that she will die twenty two years later... wonder how many people could take that knowledge on themselves. He followed her with his eyes as she quickly ran out of the room and closed the bathroom door behind herself. It hurt. A lot. But he had to do it. He knew she would find out anyway. Although there probably couldn`t be a worse moment to tell her. He stood there absently for few moments. Now she will definitely leave. Leave and try to change the future. The pain he felt was hard to take. But he only swallowed it all. No weakness... he was taught not to show any. Then he remembered about Julianna. That she was still here. Turning around he at first didn`t see her and it scared him. Did she left?! But he only had to look down to see her. "Juls..." he murmured, for the first time using the shortened way of her name. He squat down and put his finger under her chin, to lift her face up. "Is everything alright?" he asked her, his hand trembling slightly. |
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| Julianna Eppes | Dec 14 2008, 02:52 AM Post #271 |
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Juls heard the door slam, but it came from the direction of in the house, instead of out of the house. So it wasn't over. Every noise brought her tense muscles jerking, and she watched his feet after he turned around. Was he going to yell at her too? Internally, she was fighting. He was so mad at her being a metamorphagus, what in the world would his pureblood mind say to her being a wolf? Could she handle his hatred? It hurt, it still hurt, so bad. Despite her calm response, it still hurt. And she wasn't brave enough to tell him. But he would find out. How could he not? If she was like this every month. If she started disappearing. If he ever followed her. Dear merlin, it was both dangerous and worrying. He was there, but the moment left her speechless as he called her by her nickname - one she never had told him. It sounded so nice coming from his baritone, and she sighed. She could feel the unsteadyness of his hand when he touched her, and she just leaned forward to bury herself in him. Her arms tight around his neck, her face nestled into his neck as she whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." A mantra, again and again. |
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| Edward Grant | Dec 14 2008, 03:02 AM Post #272 |
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Edward sighed painfully as she threw her arms around him, pressing close to him. He knew he was being cruel. Towards both Julianna and Elisabeth. But he couldn`t change a thing. Couldn`t force himself to. Slowly he slipped his own hands around her back, only pulling her closer. He knew he shouldn`t. He knew he had to go and calm Liz down. But he couldn`t fight the urge to be close to Julianna, to hold her. And when she couldn`t see it, because her face was buried in his neck, he at last let his emotions show. His face was drawn with pain and he stopped fighting it. Hurting two people, the only two people that he actually held dear to himself. He shut his eyes tight when he realized that there was a huge lump in his throat, blocking it, making his eyes water. Gripping her even tighter he wanted that it would end. That damn torture, he wanted it all to end. Yes, he had done bad things in his life, he had been an ass to people, but he couldn`t stand hurting them because it hurt him twice as bad. Gasping painfully he managed to shake his head slowly. "No... you have nothing to be sorry for." he murmured, not trusting his own voice. He knew he was a horrible person. He knew that Elisabeth was his wife. Dead or alive, she would always be. |
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| Julianna Eppes | Dec 14 2008, 03:23 AM Post #273 |
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He pulled her closer, and Juls didn't bother to hide in her tears any longer. Still, she didn't make any sound. Her body just trembled and her breathing was unsteady as tears slipped from her eyes onto his shirt. Hopefully he wouldn't be mad about that. She could tell, on some level, that he was hurting too. Maybe it was because he held her so tightly. Maybe because he was breathing unnaturally. Maybe because whatever they'd all just gone through was difficult enough. But she heard the tone of his voice, and very slowly, Juls calmed herself down. Instead of feeling better, she just felt empty. "You love her." It wasn't a question, it was a comment. Quiet, and sure. Juls tilted her head to press her lips against his necks softly. Yet, it was another goodbye. "I can't do this, knowing that you'd have to choose, and she's your wife." |
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| Edward Grant | Dec 14 2008, 03:42 AM Post #274 |
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Edward knew he had to get a grip. He knew that being cold and not feeling anything was better than this torture. But he couldn`t do it. That moment he just gave up on trying, he couldn`t get himself back together. "I do..." he murmured, even thought he realized he didn`t have to. She understood that anyway. He understood that. But it didn`t matter anymore. That moment none of this mattered. Fifty four years and he finally broke down, letting go of his emotions. As she kissed his neck he knew what was coming. After him admitting to loving another woman no one would stay. They would be stupid to. "No..." he still murmured. He had given up, but she needed to know what was really going on. "She is dead." he breathed out. How come those words became even worse after he told her the truth? "And no matter what, she will be dead to me. And she will go back. She has a loving husband that would never do anything like this to her. She has children. She won`t leave it. Not for me. Not now." he said and actually surprised himself that he managed to say it. But then came worse. These words... they were all true. And he hated admitting it, but they were. Elisabeth belonged in a world where she still was alive. And this wasn`t her world. He didn`t know it could hurt that much. Having her, but knowing that he had to let her go. So, he completely gave up. None of this mattered if they both were going to leave anyway. Dropping his hands off of her back he stared at one spot. And a single tear rolled down his cheek. He never cried. Never before this. |
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| Julianna Eppes | Dec 14 2008, 04:05 AM Post #275 |
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He loved her, and that was all Juls needed to know. How could she stand in the way of that? And yet, as he went on to say that Liz was from...another time, Juls just grew even more confused. "But why is she here? Can she even get back?" His words force realization though. He had kids. He loved her. She was his wife. And maybe she died two years ago? Maybe she loved someone else? They were still obviously in love. Merlin, it was right in front of her. She could see it. And the other woman was sick in another room, crying, while Juls was too close to a taken man. "She did leave it. She's here, right now." Juls whispered. He let her go, and Juls wiped her face with her hands, before looking at him. What she saw startled her, and for a moment, she sat, dumbfounded. Then she raised herself up onto her knees, and placed her hands on either side of his face, her thumb wiping away that single tear. "I don't know how, but everything will end up alright." She sighed. |
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| Edward Grant | Dec 14 2008, 04:17 AM Post #276 |
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"She wanted... she wanted to see how the future is..." Edward murmured. He realized that it wouldn`t matter if Julianna would know. She already knew too much. "She can go back and she will. She has absolutely nothing here." his voice broke off at the end once again. At her comment he only sighed painfully again. "Every second I spend with her now, I waste with her then. She didn`t leave it. She just wanted to make sure that her little perfect plan was still perfect." As she pulled back he didn`t even try to cover his pain with anything. He couldn`t stop now and just snap out of it. "No. It won`t. No matter what I do, it won`t end up alright." he said, assure of his words. He wasn`t crying. He just let one tear slip out. And he still felt horrible for that. "You know how she died?" he asked, staring down at the ground, not being able to look at her. "It took three men to do so. One who is hers by blood, but who never saw her. Other, being the love of her life. And third... a man who loved her more than anything in the world." he didn`t even glance at her. He couldn`t. "You tell me how could she know this and not go back to live the life she was supposed to? You tell me how she would ever forgive me. Forgive me and don`t go back, to actually live happily." he whispered, closing his eyes. |
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| Julianna Eppes | Dec 14 2008, 04:32 AM Post #277 |
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Juls, taking a second to gather herself, realized something. She was swaying. The room was spinning, she felt her stomach contracting and pulling, her muscles were shaking - it wasn't just the emotion, she was physically spent. And she tried to focus on what he was saying. She really, honestly tried. And despite missing a bit of it, she understood the gist. "She doesn't deserve you..." Juls whispered."And if she goes back, she goes back to the exact second she left. She doesn't miss anything." "She doesn't deserve your love, either, but it hurts you to withhold it..." Juls tried to get out. She didn't want to leave him there. Not with the bitch. Merlin knows what could happen. On one hand, it could go well. "Edward. Edward..." Juls let go of him to anchor herself to the ground. "I will be back if you want me to be back. But I have to go. I have to go. I can't help you like this..." Despite her earlier care with her color, she was grey beneath the tan. And so she gently leaned forward to kiss him, and stood up, helping herself walk to the door by holding onto the wall. "I'll be back if you want me to be back..." |
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| Edward Grant | Dec 14 2008, 04:50 PM Post #278 |
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Edward didn`t react to her letting him go, or even to her kissing him. He was too concentrated on the feelings inside of him. Trying to control them. Her words being truth did more than just point it out. This wasn`t him. He would never do this to Elisabeth, he would never open up to a metamorphagus who he didn`t even know well. He broke down, but in his life he had dealt with enough feelings to know what to do now. He hadn`t cried when Elisabeth died. He pushed it all aside, pretending that it didn`t matter. Now he knew that in the end they will all disappear and he knew only one way to deal with it. So slowly he pulled himself up, his eyes still focused on the ground. Did it matter if this all would end soon anyway? It couldn`t matter. Not to him. If not all this mess before he wouldn`t have had to kill off that guy. He wouldn`t have to deal with this. All this wasn`t even real. Because it wasn`t him, was it? Julianna now was going to leave, Elisabeth will deal with it and come back. He knew her well enough to understand that. Elisabeth won`t leave until she knew that everything was alright. And he realized that if he will spend more time with her, he won`t be able to let her leave. Because Julianna will be gone soon. Unless he`d block it all out. He could, he knew he could. All of his life he was doing that. So why this should be any different. Edward kept silent. If she was leaving, let her leave. She wasn`t the one to him in the first place. And his feelings didn`t matter. Because he wasn`t supposed to have feelings. He was only supposed to do stuff which was important. At last pulling his eyes up he watched Julianna. No emotions on his face, because he did it. He blocked it all out. Suffering inside was better than showing weakness. He wasn`t weak. His life made it that way. He couldn`t be weak. That was the reason why he didn`t say anything. It didn`t matter. He made it not to matter anymore. |
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| Deleted User | Dec 14 2008, 05:47 PM Post #279 |
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Elisabeth at last managed to get out of the bathroom. Her face was clear, her eyes not red. It was always good to know some spells to make yourself look better. Especially if your husband is obviously having an affair and you are... dead. But when she looked around she only saw that the girl was gone and Edward had a cold look in his eyes. His usual look. Taking a deep breath she walked up to him. "I`m not leaving." she said firmly, putting one of her hands on his chest and looking up at him. No, she wouldn`t leave now. She had too much to do. |
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| Edward Grant | Dec 14 2008, 05:59 PM Post #280 |
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Edward didn`t quite hear as the bathroom door opened and Elisabeth walked up to him. His eyes were locked on the door. He knew she wouldn`t come back. And that wasn`t what he was waiting for. He just figured that she left. And that was all what he needed to go back. He realized that Elisabeth was back only when she touched him and spoke to him. Looking down at her he stayed silent for some time. Then glanced back at the door. "I know." he answered in his usual tone. This time he didn`t react to her. Didn`t let himself to. Looking once again down at her he didn`t move, didn`t put his hands around her back or even on her shoulder. So much easier than letting his feelings get him. "Go back to sleep. It`s early." he commented. |
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