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Kevin and Emma's Flat
Topic Started: Mar 7 2007, 03:33 AM (2,558 Views)
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Taking Tigs arm and ignoring Jordans expression...Ramon apperated them all away.
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Kevin_D'Abugine
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When Kevin had discovered the gifts under the tree labeled anonymously, he'd been thoroughly distracted by his giggling daughter, and his wife overly grateful for the Tiffanys. Well. It had been a no-brainer as to which was more important to him. After the giggles and the crafts and the distractions- he had immediately went back to the office and forgotten about the little gift. Discovering Andy was all right was a breath of relief for him; he was insisting on visiting her quite soon.

Later that night, he'd found the gift again while Emma was putting Katie in bed. Deciding it wouldn't hurt anything to just open, he had done just that and then been significantly relieved to discover that it was definitely something he didn't want her seeing. His blood had boiled at the very notion of the idea; the belt, the cuffs...really- was there any other person it could be from? Taunting him...damn't. Damn the idea of a misguided apology for nearly killing her then. It wasn't as though he had. It was the second time he'd lost control around her though- a fact by which he'd paid little mind before now.

But Katie had been successfully put to sleep, and Emma had returned, and he'd forgotten about it again. No big deal. It wasn't as though a lot of the Aurors had other taunts and gifts from similarly annoying and aggravating death eaters. Besides, the loss of Azkaban was what really was bothering him at the moment. He was sure of it.

---

Returning from the office and dropping off his coat, he called out first, "Emma? Katie? I'm home..." Sounded quite ridiculous really. Like he was out of a perfect life commercial. But it was true...he was home. Where was his mind?

He got distracted immediately by noticing that something around the room was just...off. No wife, no daughter, no ..light. But wait. There was a note.

He picked it up, stunned and read it through. First, there was an instant stunned celebration. He was Katie's biological dad? Huh. Well- that was a relief, if only because their little girl wouldn't be tortured with genes from Berenson; it had stopped meaning quite so much to him. Still. He was thrilled.

Then he kept reading, getting more anxious and scared. The little gifts from Tiger leapt to his mind. So not only was she taunting them now, but Matthew as well? He bit his lip reading that Katie was safe with Andy, but couldn't help but note that Emma had to have been gone for hours. Deciding to wait before going back after her, he'd fallen asleep on the couch waiting, frantic.

When he awoke, it was midday, and still no Emma. Making Katie his first priority, he disapparated to find Andy. He really was going to kill Matthew.

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for those days we've felt like a mistake; for those times when loves what you hate
somehow; we keep marching on // there's so many wars we fight, there's so many thing's were not...
but with what we have; I promise you that we're marching on {there's not a flag that I'd wave...}

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Abi Noel-Carter
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"SEBASTIAN-KEVIN-D'ABUGINE-I-SWEAR-TO-MERLIN-IF-YOU-AREN'T-HERE-AGAIN-THIS-TIME---Oh, hi."[/b] Abi's cheeks flushed and she finished off meekly as she realized Kevin was sitting in the room.

...On the floor.

Her hand was clenched around the note furiously from Ramon, but she couldn't exactly bring it up right away when Kevin was sitting literally on the floor- his head in a pillow. No, not on a pillow. "You're head is like...in that pillow." She said conversationally, with a sigh, and sat down next to him on the floor. As she did so, she said simply,

"We're going to get her back. There has to be something better than the floor. And I have this."

She glared at the piece of paper- before realizing that Kevin wasn't seeming to breathe too well. She stopped stunned and said, "Kev, seriously. Breathe, before I apparate you to Mungo's on me. Breathe in, breathe out..."
Edited by Abi Noel-Carter, Jan 9 2009, 03:26 AM.
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Kevin hadn't meant to actually stay for more than a second or two. He'd intended on finding Abi and telling her he knew that Emma had definitely gone there- of the potions vial, and instead he'd found himself find a bottle of firewhiskey and although reason or some form of restraint might once have stopped him from it, he'd simply drowned the entire thing in a matter of minutes. The hot sticky substance scorched on the way down, and smarted his already hostile stomach, that which had been jumpy and anxious so short a time ago. As though any of this was making sense any more. (Hint- it wasn't.)


He bleerily peered up at Abi (how had he ended up on the floor?) and looked back down a second later, only groaning in the meantime (hell, if that didn't sound somewhat like growling...but, no, don't go there). "I kissed her." Oh he went there. Great. That was absolutely just peachy.

He attempted to see the paper Abi was holding- it was apparently pissing her off, and found that the words were as blurring and languid as his sluggish sort of speech. Might have meant to say that, but it wasn't how it sounded. Slurring, he didn't even know if he'd been understood.

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for those days we've felt like a mistake; for those times when loves what you hate
somehow; we keep marching on // there's so many wars we fight, there's so many thing's were not...
but with what we have; I promise you that we're marching on {there's not a flag that I'd wave...}

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Abi Noel-Carter
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It was too much to hope for (given his current immobile state), but she said it anyways. "You found her?!" She did mean Emma of course. Even as she pierced him with a stare.

A note arrived- and she smiled at that one instead. Tristan and Llian at the club for the night? That definitely sounded like fun. And knowing that Destine must have Drew and Anya then, made her wish to join them quite hard. Except with her drunken cousin, a missing (hopefully uninjured, but doubtfully so) cousin-in-law, and the letter berating her for the loss of Azkaban...she could hardly jump up and skip over to a bar. In fact, when they got back, although she'd not actually be upset- she was going to have to inquire for both of their assistance. Tristan would probably be happy- she knew he was missing fighting, and as for Llian...well, they definitely both cared for Emma at any rate, even if the drunken husband of hers might not always have been his favorite person.

Actually, she didn't even know if that was the case. It seemed to her that Kev had always merely been irrationally jealous of Llian (and nothing on the return)- but that was just her, and she knew it was too much to hope for at any rate.
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It had been a little while since he'd downed it- but the buzzing in his ears he knew, was just going to turn in to a horrible headache. Groaning again and sitting up now, he rubbed his quite sore eyes, and messy hair, and said only,

"Oh I found her all right." And he, of course, meant Tigs. But he wasn't quite following Abi (nor did he believe it was even possible for himself to be followed), and at that rate, he didn't even notice that she'd recieved another note- only that she was smiling.

"Why the hell does that make you smile?!" Irrationality was apparently his best friend. "How is kissing Tigs going to help bring Emma back? What the hell was I even thinking? See- if you're about to think that it might have actually persuaded her to tell me that she clearly HAD been working with Matthew, and, who's yelling? My head hurts."

Ow, ow, ow...

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for those days we've felt like a mistake; for those times when loves what you hate
somehow; we keep marching on // there's so many wars we fight, there's so many thing's were not...
but with what we have; I promise you that we're marching on {there's not a flag that I'd wave...}

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Abi Noel-Carter
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Although she was at first, quite glad that he was sitting up, Abi was thoroughly taken back a moment later. If he'd found Emma, he'd be celebrating with her. Who the bloody hell had he kissed then? And when the answer came to her by way of drunken ramble, Abi's jaw literally dropped. Names were attacking her- Tiger, Matthew, Emma...Kevin kissing her (Tigs, not Emma)...she couldn't even begin to follow. It was giving her a headache, and she wasn't the one that had downed an entire bottle of firewhiskey.

Trying to speak calmly, although her eyebrow had raised eye enough to disappear in her scarlet hair (that today, was showing it's blonde roots), she said slowly,

"All right. First off- you're the one yelling and hurting your head. So you're a blatant right fool for doing that. And a right fool for drinking the entire bottle anyways- but I think all of those are excusable to the apparent attempted adultery, so I'll let them slide. Now do you want to tell me where you've gotten this idea that..." She paused and then shook her head. "Never mind, you can't tell me anything right now, can you? Get up." She said it in a slightly commanding tone, pulling him up as hard as she could against her, and trying to ignore the nausea from his horrible breath.

For a few minutes, they struggled (to which Abi rolled her eyes) and then she had succeeded in grabbing his cloak and pulling him into the fireplace with her.

"Order Common Room!" She yelled (Kev moaned) on the way through the grates.
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As they arrived, Abi cursed her cousin for having picked a building with plenty of stairs- and steeled herself to bring them both upstairs. Heading inside, Abi immediately set Emma down on the couch, and picked up her own wand to cast a Colloportus at the door, a few spells to check if there were any wards to alert Death Eaters for their return, or if anyone was lying in waiting for them, and adding a Shield charm on Emma for as long as that may last.

At that point, she headed straight to the window, and grabbed a piece of parchment and quill to write for Tayn. She had no desire to take her to Mungo's if she could avoid it- if only because she was positive that they were now quite ... on the run as much as they could be.

Looking around for an Owl, she eventually located Emma and Kevin's and sent it off, sitting down a minute later and shutting her eyes for a second. Breathing as deep as she could, she was immediately overcome with the immense exhaustion that her adrenaline and Pepper-up had kept at bay until that minute. She was positive that it was not a good thing, either. ..she couldn't remember the last second she'd slept, or even seen her twins. She was really going to owe Tristan's mother for taking them.

Letting her eyes flutter back open, she said first, "I've sent for Tayn." There was a trace of the exhaustion in her tone. "But..Emma, how are you? I...I am so...sorry.."

She was definitely going to let Kev attempt to explain it, but she decided first to be there for her cousin as much as she could. "As for what Tigs was yelling about...yes, it's true- he did. But there was a reason...as well as I could make of it. Em, he was absolutely pissed at her- and certain she knew where you were- he was trying to find you. It was at the Maj? He found the gifts and potion vial-what was that, by the way? Are you.." Well that could wait. "Never mind. And then Tiger just happened to show up, he didn't believe the coincidence. And I guess, he got a little...rough trying to make her tell him, he was out of his mind. He said he wouldn't let her go, until she told him- thats why he was holding her. And I don't know exactly what happened- although I do know he was really drunk when I found him, and he was out of his mind with worry and anxiety- and from what I can guess- he kissed her to prove that he'd do absolutely anything to get you back. He didn't want to use torture- because, that's not who is obviously, he also knew magic wasn't an option because of their location...well. I don't know. He's mad as hell at himself, though. He didn't mean to. And he told me that he was going to tell you, just so you know." There. It was as explained as she could make of it- which honestly, wasn't much. Softly, she added, "He was just trying to find you. He ... we... were out of our minds worried about you. What...happened?"
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Emma kept her gaze a moment longer on Kevin waiting for his response but was ushered away by Abi before she could get one, helped to stand and led from the room. She only vaguely took in the fact that she was finally leaving, wherever it was she'd been kept and allowed Abi support her and lead her out of there, Apparating the two of them to hers and Kevin's flat. Kevin remained behind to... well she didn't quite no what but Abi gave him strict instructions to follow on behind.

Her mind was reeling. He'd kissed Tiger. Kevin, had kissed Tiger voluntarily. It wasn't like back at Flourish and Blotts where she had grabbed him. This had been all Kevin and Emma couldn't quite understand, not after what she'd done with Matthew the previous year.

She vaguely noted their ascent up the stairs to the flat and only really registered her surrounding once she was settled on the sofa in the living-room, relaxing back into the cushions. It felt to be lent against something soft... to be lying down in general after two week of being sat upright and shackled to that had armchair with little movement. Emma glanced at the red welts on her wrist and ankles, and the ones around her waist from the shackles a small reminder of her captivity.

Abi was bustling about the moment they arrived, checking the wards and for intruders, before settling herself into the armchair opposite, clearly exhausted as well. Emma nodded as Abi mentioned Owling for Tanya then raised an eyebrow at Abi query as to her general well being. "Asides from the obvious? I feel like hell just threw me up and set a herd of angry Hippogryphs to trample all over me," Everything ached and she was sure anything that wasn't aching now, would surely be doing so by morning.

She let Abi try and explain Kevin's motives for kissing Tiger, letting her head fall back against the cushions and eyelids lower as she listened. Perhaps it hadn't meant anything but still... where in Merlin's name did he get such a stupid idea as to kiss Tiger to get information? To prove he'd be willing to do anything to get it. What the hell had he been thinking. Emma was glad Tigs had slapped him; had she had more energy and the ability in her injured leg to stand to do so herself, she would have. But still... it was all in order to get her back... in some deluded fashion. They'd still need to talk about this and she wanted to discuss those gifts Tiger had sent Kevin for Christmas. Those.. those were going to be incinerated... once Kevin explained everything along with why he hadn't told her about them.

'What...happened?'

Emma let her mind wander back a fortnight. What had happened? "I... I was at Katie's routine check-up and found out someone had obviously swapped the paternity result and that Katie was Kevin's. It.. it could only have been Matthew, plus he'd sent Katie a Christmas present." Emma's expression hardened at remembering reading the gift tag. It also hardened when she realized Katie must still be in Andy's care and she was yet to know for sure if she had changed sides again and if Katie was safe. "Where's Katie? Where's my daughter? I left her with Andy but Ramon and Tiger said she'd changed sides... I don't know if they were lying..." Katie had to be safe. Andy wouldn't change sides, not with the boys and adopting a third.

"I... went after Matthew. I wasn't going to let him think he had any hold over me anymore but when I got to the alley opposite Majeste D'Ivoire then crossed to the one next to it when I saw movement, I was hijacked. Cursed and knocked out compliments of Tiger. I'm guessing Kevin got the letter? They did too. They came here... to the flat. Andy told them where to find it and how to get in." Emma bit her lip, if they'd lied to her and Andy hadn't switched side, it could only mean she'd given up information just as Emma had, under interrogation. "I guess I dropped the package from Matthew - I was going to return it to him - but I have no idea what you mean about a potions vial. The most I've swallowed in the last eighteen days is two bottles of water, half a sandwich, some chicken strips and a cold clam chowder." Emma's stomach clenched at the mention of sustenance, a hollow reminder of the lack of it in her system and n doubt the reason she lacked any strength.

"They took me... there.. wherever that was. Ramon, Tiger and Jordan I think it was. Tarik was sent to look in on me a few days ago. I was shackled, interrogated for information, took a Crucio and a Sectumsempra..." She shuddered as she remembered the painful experience, felt a deep throb at her side under the basic stitching charm Kevin had performed on her side - a week old wound. She remembered her determination not to let up and give them the information they wanted but also how difficult retaining the information had become once the threats and the curses had started her way. And then there had been Kevin... or whoever then they had brought in his likeness... toying with her emotions... knowing just where to target her where it would hurt - her husband.

Emma fell silent, her eyes brimming with tears as she remembered the what happened. Kevin or not, she'd believed it to be her husband. It was real to her and those images would be implanted in her head forever. "They... I wasn't giving them what they wanted, so... they brought in Kevin. No. A man who looked identical to Kevin or charmed to look like him, I don't know. He was bound and gagged by replicas of the gifts Tiger sent Kevin," Emma didn't know if Kevin had told Abi about those gifts. "They'd told me already they had him but I didn't believe them. He was already beaten up pretty bad and they questioned me some more but only this time, if I didn't satisfy their requests, it was Kevin who received torture." She sniffed, rubbing at her eyes. Her voice cracking. "They even did it when I gave them what they wanted. She... Tiger, cut off three of his fingers. Threw them at me. Left me with him a day or so sat opposite me, Then she came to question me again and when she left... she killed him." By now Emma was shaking, tears streaming down her cheeks as she relayed the event out loud, the images playing over and over in her head. "She slit his throat and left him to bleed to death, right there, where he lay in the study. No one moved him. He's been there almost as long as I was." It may not have been Kevin... the real Kevin but the affects of believing were still hauntingly real to Emma. Watching your husband tortured and killed because of you.

"I spent most of my time alone. They gave me a chance to clean up, once and dress the gash on my side. That was from Jordan. And they gave me two small meals but that's what happened and then you showed up." Emma trailed off, wiping again at her red and puffed eyes. That was all she had to tell. Abi had sat there listening and Kevin still remained back at.... wherever they'd been... with Tiger and Emma was overwhelmed with being home safe.
Edited by Emma_D'Abugine, Jan 22 2009, 06:08 PM.
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Abi Noel-Carter
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Abi didn't try to hide the fact that she was crying slightly as Emma told the entire story. She was holding Emma's hand as tightly as she could- and found that she got tighter as she heard everything that Emma had to say and swallowed.

"Em..I am so sorry, we...we should have planned better or..I..I'm just really sorry." She squeezed her hands, and squeezed her eyes tight.

There was a second that passed- Abi felt nearly dead on her feet, it had been what...two entire days of being awake now?- and then she realized that there was a knock at the door. Tayn was there already? Well...she supposed that Em's story had taken a while.

"Em, I'll be back in a bit, okay? Tayn's here...and I've...well, I have to go check on things. I'm sure Kev's on his way."

She hugged her friend once, tightly, and left.
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Emma took comfort in Abi's words and squeezed her hand in thanks along with hugging her back. "Don't worry," she found herself muttering at Abi's apology. "They set it up so Matthew'd be a decoy theory."

She too heard the knock at the door and glanced that way. "Go. I'll be fine. Tanya'll see me right and Kevin and I'll need to talk," she bit her lip at that last muttering. "Go. See to the others. Tell them I say hi." Emma watched as Abi left, laying her head back against the sofa cushions with a sigh. It was good to be home but she would rest until everything was out in the open, their wounds were healed and she, Kevin and Katie were all home, together. And a nice hot meal and glass of juice wouldn't go amiss either.

Tanya entered moment later, instantly assessing her leg as broken but a clean break and easily fixed. It'd just be a little sore and stiff for a week or so. The bump on the head was just a mild concussion. It would likely come out in a lovely bruise over night but with a bit of Bruise Healing Balm, it would go down nicely in a couple of days. The chaffed skin around her wrist, ankles and waist would also be easily cleared up with some healing salves. The gash in her side however having been a week without proper medical attention, had become a bit infected but Tanya cleaned, re-stitched up and dressed it, giving Emma a set of potions to take until it healed. She was a little worried about the lack of sustenance she'd over the last eighteen days causing a slight weight loss and gave Emma yet another potion to take, with instructions not to overindulge with the food for at least a week and to get plenty of rest.

Emma thanked Tanya and saw he out. [[Permission to GM Tanya given on AIM]] Kevin had yet to return and Emma was sure of three things. One. She was starving. Two. She stank and three she really needed her bed. She she tackled all three in that order, cooking herself a simple bowl of pasta with a glass of juice which went down a treat. She then hopped in the shower, glad to be rid of two weeks worth of dirt, grease and grime, before dragging on a nice warm, clean pair of pajamas before re-checking the wards and sliding under the warm duvet.

She had to believe that Andy hadn't changed sides and that Katie was safe. Emma was in no fit state just then to pick her up. Kevin to was yet to return but her eyelids drooping, Emma decided they'd just have to talk in the morning, or whenever she woke up.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emma slept for several hours before finally waking up, pulling on some clothes and wolfing down some breakfast. The house was quiet, Kevin's side of the bed un-slept in... Where he was she had no idea.

She was just settling down on take her potions that Tanya had prescribed for her, when she was drawn to a tapping at the window, which appeared to be a black owl. Crossing the room, she let the owl in and relieved it of its burden, a thick envelope. Emma was intrigued and slid her finger under the seal, pulling out a letter on expensive paper and began to read.

The moment she reached the final word, she had no time to react, before she felt a pull on her stomach and disappeared.
Edited by Emma_D'Abugine, Jan 23 2009, 09:54 PM.
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Kevin finally fell over into the house, on the couch. He had been stunned to see that Emma's arms were around him- and hadn't even fully understand that Tiger was perfectly alive. He had watched her nearly fall, walk out, and be helped along by Ryan. He'd shaken his head, as though he couldn't quite believe it.

And when Emma had left, he'd stood, determined to follow her, determined to get out as fast as possible. When he'd walked out, however, he'd just kept walking. She wasn't dead. He hadn't killed her. He was relieved to the point of crying; but when he closed his eyes, he still saw her falling before him. He still saw the shocked look on her face, with the sadly firm acceptance. Tiger had almost been telling him too.

He had just kept walking, and finally bit back a desire to go anywhere...but home.

He'd showered, for at least two hours, until all the hot water was firmly gone. At that point, he'd stood cleaning and drying his hair and hands for twenty or so minutes, he'd gotten something to eat, he'd even begun to clean- and he hated cleaning. It felt somewhat as though he was going through the motions of life without actually breathing. Without actually thinking.

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for those days we've felt like a mistake; for those times when loves what you hate
somehow; we keep marching on // there's so many wars we fight, there's so many thing's were not...
but with what we have; I promise you that we're marching on {there's not a flag that I'd wave...}

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Emma_D'Abugine
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Leaving Gabe and Leslie's flat, Emma apparated herself and Katie back to the flat, arriving in the hallway, where she found herself rooted for several long minutes, in reflection. Reflection over their time in the warehouse, over her three weeks in the Old Grimmasi Manor library... Watching the glamored 'Kevin', tortured and killed... seeing Katie on the screen and Tigs lying dead... Tiger then very much alive. It was one thing after another.

The words Simon had spoken to her in the bathroom of the warehouse, kept floating over and over in her head, refusing to let up and Emma couldn't help but dwell on them. 'Somehow you strayed and lost your way, and now there'll be no time to play, no time for joy, no time for friends - not even time to make amends. You are too naive if you do believe life is innocent laughter and fun.' Those words had stuck so many truths, when she'd thought over them in the warehouse, that she now knew them by heart.

What if Simon was right? What if she had been to naive to believe that life was all sunshine and roses? The universe hadn't exactly given her that impression on life over the last two years, had it. Sunshine and roses? Ha! I'd been more like severe storm clouds, with the odd patch of clear sky, and Devil's Snare. The words '...no time to make amends.' had really struck a chord, given the strain that often formed over her marriage to Kevin. Strains and tears they were forever patching up... Were they too late to keep do anything about it? Was it, after two years of struggle, beyond repair? Too late to make amends?

When he'd fired that shot, albeit seemingly out of reluctance but she couldn't be sure -he didn't even seem sure - the look on his face as Tiger dropped... Emma had never seen someone look so... empty, so... shocked, confused angry... She'd never seen anyone display so many emotions all at once. Or so few. Even after they'd been let out, she'd hugged him. He'd seemed in too much of an emotional state to even respond. That was why Emma rushed to join Gabe, when he had gone on ahead to his flat to check that Katie was there, safe and sound. She didn't know what to say to Kevin, what to think, how to act... It unnerved her to see him like that, so... blank.

Katie was safe, they were all safe, alive and uninjured - this time at least. Standing in the empty hallway, Emma couldn't help but come to the unhappy realization that in the space of the last month, she had slept in their flat a grand total of one night. She'd spent a grand total of well... the last two hours at Gabe's, with her daughter and probably only exchange about three sentences with her husband. And it turned her cold...It left her feeling empty inside.

The house was in silence, as Emma lifted Katie from her pushchair and headed further into the flat, stepping through into the living. Silent but not empty. Kevin was collapsed on the couch. He looked just as empty as he had in the warehouse only he'd visibly showered and changed, and Ema couldn't be too sure but the house seemed tidier... cleaner even.

"Kevin?" Emma found herself murmuring warily, moving further into the room and sinking into one of the nearby armchair, settling a drowsy Katie onto her lap. "We should... uh... do you want to talk?" What had been planning on saying was that they needed to talk but given the circumstances, she wasn't sure what the best thing to say would have been.

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Seeing Emma enter the room, Kevin looked up slowly and shrugged. "I don't know." His voice was absolutely humorless, and he was shaking again instantly- but seeing Katie sitting besides him, he tried to maintain that.

"I mean, obviously, she's alive, Katie's alive...everyone seemed to win in the end, right?"

Still humorless. He was struggling with himself, between the incredible urge to hug and hold her, and the desire to not be touched at all. He had no idea where his mind was at the moment, though every time he held his eyes shut for even moment, he remembered pulling the trigger, seeing her life snatched from her because of him...

And at the moment, he had no idea how to come back from that.

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for those days we've felt like a mistake; for those times when loves what you hate
somehow; we keep marching on // there's so many wars we fight, there's so many thing's were not...
but with what we have; I promise you that we're marching on {there's not a flag that I'd wave...}

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Emma remained sat in the armchair, silent and listening to Kevin try and come to terms with what had happened that night, what he'd done and the fact that regardless of what he'd done, no one got killed. Emma watched as he shook, took in the humorless tone of his voice... and she didn't know what to do or what to say to alleviate whatever pain or confusion he was feeling.

She didn't know what he was feeling, all she was seeing was... blank... yet she was sure there was more going on inside him that she couldn't even comprehend. It scared her that she didn't know how to help her husband. Emma didn't know what to say to help the situation, so instead she just let all words and thoughts tumble out.

"No one could have know Simon was lying... Everything in there was so real and it wasn't as if he offered a third alternative," she muttered, glancing briefly at Kevin before lowering her attention to a quietly babbling Katie in her lap. "Tiger or Katie. That was the choice. An Inner Circle Death Eater who has caused others nothing but pain including me... or your daughter? The woman who had no qualms about letting me watch a man glamored as you, tortured and killed, letting me believe it was you.... or your own flesh and blood?"

Emma realized listening back on what she'd just said how biased her words must sound. But then Katie was her daughter and Tiger had just had her locked up for three weeks, had kissed her husband now on two occasions and sent him kinky gifts for Christmas. Dead or alive, and whether or not she condoned killing or felt somewhat guilty for the fact that Tiger was with child, all Emma wold feel for Tiger is hatred.

Of course she had been shocked and surprised, when Tiger had stepped in front of the gun, stepped closer to it in fact, so Kevin wouldn't miss. And yes, she was thankful to her for sacrificing her life, or intending to, for Katie to live She owed her for that at least. But Emma still couldn't forget all the things she'd done in the past.

Emma could guess at what Kevin was feeling. Guilt, anger, confusion, self-loathing perhaps..empty maybe. Emma had ever killed anyone before either. She had always told herself she wouldn't and hoped that she would never be put in a situation where she might have to. She'd always been realistic however and known that in her line of work and the way the Wizarding world was going, there might be a time she'd have to kill, to save herself or someone she loved or had to protect. Kill or be killed. And what had happened in the warehouse was exactly that, Kevin had the chance to protect someone he loved.

"Look, I'm not saying shooting Tiger was a fine thing to do. Really. I'm not, even if I was one of the few telling you to shoot but what would you be like now, if you hadn't pulled that trigger before time ran out? We had no way of knowing if Simon even had Katie or not. And what if he had? What if he did have Katie, and you never pulled that trigger? Then in would have been our baby girl, lying there in a pool of blood. Dead." Emma let that thought sink in although she was sure it had already crossed Kevin's mind.

"No one died. Tiger is alive. Katie is alive. No god person enjoys killing Kevin, and I don't blame you for feeling however you're feeling... just... talk to me." Emma bit her lip, glancing back at Kevin, gaze pleading. "This isn't you..."
Edited by Emma_D'Abugine, Jan 29 2009, 04:36 PM.
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Well, she was right in one thing. It wasn't him. He didn't sit and stare into space, he didn't close his eyes and time and time again relive the fact that he'd killed someone. Because of course, before then, he had not killed anyone. Even if now, he did know he hadn't. She wasn't dead... and Katie, his daughter, she was still quite clearly, okay. So why did he feel so empty still? Why did he feel so ridiculously dead inside- lost, panicked...it didn't even stay with him long enough to realize what he was feeling. What he really felt, now, was nothing. It didn't seem to him like anyone blamed him; besides, he presumed, Juls. And that was her sister. He found it understandable that she would be upset. He didn't expect she'd ever talk to him again, honestly. He was guilty. Even if she were alive.

"It wasn't me to pull the trigger." He said, his voice sounding as dead as he felt. "I ..."

He looked up at her, at his wife, whom he still was absolutely prepared to leave everything for, whom he still loved more than he felt was even possible, and shook his head slightly. "Look, to be perfectly honest, I don't think I have been me for a while. A few weeks, maybe. And I just...I don't know, how, I can just forget this."

He looked at her, trying to return to life, trying to breathe easier, trying to just damn't, wake up. "Don't get me wrong." He wanted to be perfectly clear on it. "I know I did the right thing. If there was, a right thing. I know you don't blame me. I know that I would even do it again."

Blinking once, he just kept talking. "And that's the problem. I would do it again. I would kill again, if I had to. If Katie was in danger, if you were in danger, I would pick up that metal...thing, I would point, and I would shoot, and I could kill again. And that ... that terrifies me, Emma. That...that is so not who I am, it's not who I have ever been. I became an Auror to try and help people; to save, not kill. Compassion, empathy, sympathy...where the hell are they? I didn't have any reservations. I don't. Not the moment I decided whom I wanted alive was so clearly my daughter, and not Tigs...how the hell do I come back from this?"

She was alive. Tigs was alive. They all were. He blinked, shut his eyes, rubbed them- though they were still red from the lack of sleep and cognitive thought. "I...I just wish I could apologize again." Actually? He hadn't thought of it, until that moment.
Edited by Kevin_D'Abugine, Jan 29 2009, 06:02 PM.

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for those days we've felt like a mistake; for those times when loves what you hate
somehow; we keep marching on // there's so many wars we fight, there's so many thing's were not...
but with what we have; I promise you that we're marching on {there's not a flag that I'd wave...}

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"Of course it wasn't you," Emma tried to reason, looking over with concern. "You're not a killer. That's what separates you from the Death Eaters. They kill because it's what they do, they don't care about the people they kill or their families. They just kill. There's a difference." Crossing over to sit with Katie on the sofa beside him, Emma took Kevin's hand and gave it squeeze. "You did it to save Katie. To save an innocent life. The difference between you and them is that you didn't want to kill, you thought about what you were doing and know that it was wrong even if on the flip-side, it did a whole lot of good."

When Kevin mentioned not having been himself for a couple of weeks, she bit her lip eying him with concern. She had barely seen her husband for the last couple of weeks and she owed that to Ramon and Tiger but from what she could recall of just before that and even when he had come to find her at Grimassi and how he had been at the warehouse before firing the gun, he had indeed seemed a little... off. "Maybe you should make an appointment at St. Mungo's. Just have a check-up. You're probably just feeling off because you've been working so hard lately, what with Lynx on maternity leave and Abi getting kidnapped."

As he continued, Emma gave his hand another squeeze. "You don't have to forget it. Maybe it'll get easier once it sinks in that Tiger didn't die. Or I guess we could always invest in a pensieve." It was a suggestion, a rather pitiful on eat that but a suggestion nonetheless.

"Killing is never the right thing but given the fact that there was no other alternative, of course you did the right thing. You made sure our little girl would be safe." Emma sighed, "Of course I don't blame you. I'd have done exactly the safe thing, would do exactly the same thing if I'm ever put in a similar situation," she held off adding that she'd have likely done it with less hesitation but she didn't then want to think about what that might say about he own morals.

"I know that's not you. If you'd have been the kind of guy who would just shoot without question, do you think I'd have married you? You didn't want to shoot her. I can understand that. You had to. For all you know she could have survived that shot with just a body wound. Not everyone dies when shot." It scared her to see Kevin questioning himself so much, scared him that he had such dark thoughts and doubted himself so much. Emma reached for his other hand. "They're still their, your sympathy, compassion ability to be so empathetic. They never left you. How would you be feeling like you are if they weren't? How could have been so reluctant to pull that trigger either?"

The comment about having no reservations confused Emma and she paused to think. Now that he mentioned it, he had been acting fairly impulsively since around Christmas in fact. Just... acting... even if he did seem to show emotion about what he was doing. "I guess... you let it sink it and try to come to terms with the fact that you have nothing to blame yourself for and that it was a normal reaction to seeing your daughter in danger. To protect her." Again she bit her lip and continued somewhat quieter. "Then, I guess... apologize... not that I really think there's anything to apologize for. You were doing what any loving father would have done. Maybe talk to Juls first. I... don't even know where Tiger would be or if she'd want anyone seeing her."
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There was a simpleness in him still, but as his wife talked, Kevin did feel a little better. He squeezed her hand back, finding nothing else of merit to be within his realm of thinking at the moment. With a simple smile, he said only, "I...I think I'm going to do that." He meant visiting Mungo's. Seeing if there was something weird going on. But then, he'd never heard of a disease or anything that made you refuse-to-think before acting, so he had no idea if there was even a way they could test it.

He still didn't understand how he could have pulled the trigger. He understood why. He just didn't understand how. It wasn't him. And Emma was definitely making him feel quite a bit better in the fact that she was repeating his own speech back at him. It was one he'd nearly memorized himself; he believed himself so wholeheartedly. There was never a right reason to kill.

And apparently, he didn't agree with that anymore.

Okay, actually, he didn't know where his mind was.

"Thank you." He said softly, and he did mean it. He still didn't know why in the world he'd done it...but she was there, and it meant something to him.

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for those days we've felt like a mistake; for those times when loves what you hate
somehow; we keep marching on // there's so many wars we fight, there's so many thing's were not...
but with what we have; I promise you that we're marching on {there's not a flag that I'd wave...}

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Feeling Kevin response squeezing her hand back, Emma managed a small smile. "Good. Perhaps they can answer some of those questions. Shed some light on what your feeling or why you've not been acting yourself." She gave a small shrug. "Perhaps it is just that you're overworked... You do need a break"

At Kevin's words of thanks, Emma lent over kissing him on the cheek lightly. "Your welcome. They don't call me Oprah for nothing, right?" It was a lame attempt at a joke but Emma felt the mood had to be lightened somewhat. It didn't do Kevin any good to dwell. Lifting Katie from her own lap and settling her on her father's lap, Emma made to stand.

"Now... have you eaten yet? It seems like weeks since you and I spent an evening relaxing together." In fact it had in fact been three to four weeks since they had done just that. "I was thinking, I could make us some dinner, we could settle Katie down and just spend the evening curled up on the sofa and... talk. Take our minds off the last few weeks, this weekend especially. What do you say? Anything you like, as long as it's in the cupboards."
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His eyes widened in surprise as though he'd forgotten that Katie were there when his daughter was handed to him, and he managed a small smile as well, looking at her. She appeared tired, and Kevin experienced an odd moment of peace. His daughter in his arms, happy, safe, even- tired, from playing all day. That was what he wanted. He hugged her, softly, holding her and shut his eyes. Instead of the millionth replay of the gun shooting, he instead heard a very different sound; Katie's soft gurgle of a giggle. It made him smile, and before it could be spoiled by the replay, he let his eyes flutter open once more and kissed Katie's forehead.

"...I'm afraid, I haven't done...a lot of shopping." Kevin admitted wearily, trying to joke, trying to lighten up. There hadn't been any lasting damage, right? Or maybe it was that he had what he wanted in his arms; his daughter. And his wife kissing his cheek. Although he didn't respond exactly as normal, he said instead,

"...So, we could order pizza, or something. The rest sounds...wonderful." Perfect, actually. He looked back at Emma for a moment and then smiled in response, adding, "You know. Have I ... I mean, it's occured to me that although you live in France, I don't believe you speak French." He grinned, the first real grin in ages it seemed, and arched an eyebrow. "...So I'll order the pizza...and perhaps begin teaching you?"

After all, when they were in France, his own accent was quite more apparent, and it could only be helpful.

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for those days we've felt like a mistake; for those times when loves what you hate
somehow; we keep marching on // there's so many wars we fight, there's so many thing's were not...
but with what we have; I promise you that we're marching on {there's not a flag that I'd wave...}

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