EE's Short Stories - Comments? Crit?

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EE's Short Stories - Comments? Crit?
Topic Started: Nov 22 2008, 03:06 PM (81 Views)
EternalEbony	Nov 22 2008, 03:06 PM Post #1
I See Dead Laptops... Posts: 1,850 Group: PMR Assistant Member #850 Joined: October 23, 2006	So yeah, I have one story up there so far, a short practice piece of writing I did to test out a new writing style. And to attempt to get over my reluctance to write about the deaths of my characters. I'll have more stuff up there soon, though.



Penguin	Nov 22 2008, 04:43 PM Post #2
Well, he's a platypus. They don't do much. Posts: 2,636 Group: PMR Assistant Member #229 Joined: June 23, 2005	I like them both, but I must say that the penguin story is epic to the extreme.



Kameshugener	Nov 22 2008, 05:03 PM Post #3
Shop and Drop: Your #1 source of suicide since 2008. Posts: 1,597 Group: Member + Member #1,045 Joined: April 30, 2007	The first and second penguin haikus are awesome, but they don't follow the 5-7-5 rule of haikus. (In both of them, the second line has five syllables.) Otherwise this looks awesome. I'm pretty sure Sorius planned on ODing, but I can't tell if he's dead or just faking it.



EternalEbony	Nov 22 2008, 05:11 PM Post #4
I See Dead Laptops... Posts: 1,850 Group: PMR Assistant Member #850 Joined: October 23, 2006	No, the first one: One gets a new idea Seven syllables. The second one did have the problem, though- I fixed it. And in the first story, yeah, he's dead. He's absolutely terrified at the thought of being a murderer, to the point of suicide.



Kameshugener	Nov 22 2008, 05:51 PM Post #5
Shop and Drop: Your #1 source of suicide since 2008. Posts: 1,597 Group: Member + Member #1,045 Joined: April 30, 2007	One Gets A New I Dea That's six syllables.



EternalEbony	Nov 22 2008, 05:58 PM Post #6
I See Dead Laptops... Posts: 1,850 Group: PMR Assistant Member #850 Joined: October 23, 2006	Maybe you have a different accent or something. O.o The way I say it, idea always has been and always will be three syllables.



Shed	Nov 22 2008, 06:16 PM Post #7
Don't go in the Shed! Posts: 10,926 Group: Administrator Member #1 Joined: September 25, 2004	"Idea" is three syllables (i-de-a). Nice haikus! I haven't read the short story yet, though (too busy with NaNoWriMo).



EternalEbony	Dec 12 2008, 11:12 PM Post #8
I See Dead Laptops... Posts: 1,850 Group: PMR Assistant Member #850 Joined: October 23, 2006	I decided to rewrite the prologue to Orb Quest/Chaos Quest again, that ancient story of mine. Imo, it's actually not that good of a piece of writing, but I fail at 1st person.


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