some emo crap I wrote comments

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some emo crap I wrote comments
Topic Started: Feb 2 2008, 08:17 PM (115 Views)
Ripred	Feb 2 2008, 08:17 PM Post #1
You were meant to rule the dark, I was meant to see the sun Posts: 7,797 Group: Member + Member #137 Joined: March 13, 2005	yeah



EternalEbony	Feb 2 2008, 09:00 PM Post #2
I See Dead Laptops... Posts: 1,850 Group: PMR Assistant Member #850 Joined: October 23, 2006	I like it. One little thing, though it's not really major- An incubus is, specifically, a demon that rapes women in their sleep. Even at a very young age, it might be hard to have friends if most of the time you just sorta ran around raping people. O.o Just a random note, nothing important. It's still good.



Ripred	Feb 2 2008, 09:03 PM Post #3
You were meant to rule the dark, I was meant to see the sun Posts: 7,797 Group: Member + Member #137 Joined: March 13, 2005	I felt like naming a specific demon, instead of just saying 'demon', so I went with an Incubus, mostly because of it's early christian connotations.



Ilex	Feb 3 2008, 03:28 AM Post #4
Hillary '08! Posts: 2,126 Group: Administrators Member #370 Joined: September 28, 2005	Ha, I like the storyline, it's the kind of story one would daydream about. You know that Gabriel is a male name, right? EDIT: I just realized that the promise was made when they were playing together as kids. The way you put it made it seem as though Gabriel made him a promise right there.



Shed	Feb 3 2008, 03:33 AM Post #5
Don't go in the Shed! Posts: 10,926 Group: Administrator Member #1 Joined: September 25, 2004	And you know that angels are genderless, right? =) I read this on dA. It has a nice storyline, and good depth of descriptions for this length of writing. Some of the action could be more slow-paced, though, with longer scenes.


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