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Funny Quotes!; if it made you smile/giggle/chortle...
Topic Started: Mar 25 2007, 09:54 PM (2,110 Views)
Sui
Member Avatar
The Lord of Loathing and Certified Snuggleslut
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Well yeah... post funny quotes from anywhere here!

First off a quote from a girl in my Japanese class when I was doing it at ACC... one of her friends worked at a hardware store and was chewing on a piece of wood... so a good 10 minutes pass as he's chewing on it, and he spits it out into a trashcan and looks to her saying "Wood's nasty..."

300! If you've not seen it yet, I shit you not it's the best movie I've ever seen... but anyhoo, there's a few from that which I laughed hard at... first off:

Xerxies: "Well Lionidus... I will give you everything you dream of if you only but kneel to me..."

Lionidus: "Well... I'd kneel... *grunts and rubs his legs* but you see my knees are giving me trouble after that slaughter of your men earlier..."

ker PWND!! (sorry! it's the only thing that really sums it up... sorry to be hypocritical)
Another one

Persian Officer: "The Persian Army's arrows will blot out the sun..."

Stelios: "*sniffs and smiles* Well then... we'll fight in the shade!"

Yep... nuff said...

Persian Officer: "Spartans! Lay down your weapons!"
*Silence followed by an increasingly large black object flying towards the general which turns out to be a spear which kills the officer*
Lionidus: "Come and get them."

Yaay! Now for some V for Vandetta!

Creedy: Defiant to the end, huh? You won't cry like him, will you? You're not afraid of death. You're like me.
V: The only thing that you and I have in common, Mr. Creedy, is we're both about to die.
Creedy: How do you imagine that's gonna happen?
V: With my hands around your neck.
Creedy: Bollocks. Whatchya gonna do, huh? We've swept this place. You've got nothing. Nothing but your bloody knives and your fancy karate gimmicks. We have guns.
V: No, what you have are bullets, and the hope that when your guns are empty I'm no longer be standing, because if I am you'll all be dead before you've reloaded.
Creedy: That's impossible. Kill him.
[the fingermen open fire on V, but he still stands after their clips are empty]
V: My turn.

Who's up for some... Da da daaa! Nothing more for this post!
Yep, I'm lazy and want to give alla you's a chance to post... so do it already! YAAAY!

Oh, one more... from the Rejected Family Home Entertainment Channel Commercials thing...

Random thing: "Let's be happy!"

crowd of random things: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY"

Random thing: "This is fun!"

Crowd: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY"

Thing: "My anis is bleeding..."

Crowd: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY"

Thing: "My ANIS is BLEEDING!"

Crowd: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY"

Thing: "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! MY ANIS IS BLEEDING!"

Crowd: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY"
I seek to attain
serenity of water
steadfastness of earth
quickness of air
passion of fire
subtility of dark
vindication of light
and unity of spirit
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MasterofBalance
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Yin and Yang
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
And here are a few quotes that I think are funny and from whence they originate:

The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy:

Harold:" ARE YOU NUTS OR JUST CRAZY!?!"

Billy:".......Is that a trick question?"

Billy:"Phones are our friends that take us to magical places: Hong Kong, Hawaii, Japan, Greenland, Iceland..."

Harold (taking over for billy):"Alaska, Guatamala, Jamaca, Korea, HEY?! WHO'S BEEN CALLING ALL THESE PLACES?"

Billy:" Stop it! Stop the fighting! Why do you have to hate eachother? Can't you see you're just like peas and mashed potatos? Some people don't like them to touch eachother if they're on the same plate, but it's ok, it's ok if they touch; because they both get chewed up by the mouth and sent down the esophogus and dissolved into the stomach and absorbed into the intestines and wehehell we won't go any further than that. But the point is we're all just nutrients in the great big digestive system called life!!!!"

Aladdin:

Jasmine:"Carpets don't sleep!"

Aladdin:"Well, they don't usualy fly either, but this ones doing both."

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo:

Torpedo girl:"Fate brought us together!"

Hatenko:"Fate and I are going to have a little chat."

Teen Titans:

Mumbo Jumbo:"I think it's only fair to warn you, I have no idea what I'm doing."

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attourney:

Phoenix Thinking:"Words cannot describe how screwed I am..."

Maya:"Old windbag sure has balls...well, you know what I mean."

Foster's home for imaginary friends:

Mr. Herriman:"I dislike you with great intensity."

Kim Possible:

Shego:"There's no way I can do this!! Five minutes with my brothers and I'm ready to claw my own eyes out!!!!"

Xiaolin Showdown:

Kimiko:"At least five, and Omi divided by five is"

Clay cuts in:"Dull as a sack of hammers."

Clay:"Besides fellas, I'd like to think we all learned a little something today"

Kimiko:"Never lose faith in a friend?"

Omi:"The value of simple solutions?"

Raimundo:"Omi can't use slang?"

Clay:"No, we learned everyone hates a mime." *all burst into laughter*

From The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron:

Sheen:"You mean this is all a crazy dream? Alright, bring on the dancing tubas!"

Carl:"I have the strangest craving for a bowl of ice cream, jalepineos, dill pickles, strawberrys, salmon and lard."

Sheen:"Hmmm, did I set it on fire and push it over a cliff? Laughing insanely? I did that to something"

Sheen:"I'll whip them into a slaw that you'll never forget no matter how hard you try!"

From "My gym partner's a monkey":

Adam:"You don't even know what prioratizing means."

Jake:"Ell, ya got me there

(unimportant conversation)

Adam:"You brought a clone to school?!"

Jake:"Don't tell me it's unethical, cause I don't know that word either."

(more meaningless chatter)

Adam:"What do you mean "we"?"(something like that)

Jake:"Semantics (pause) is another word I don't know"

Jake:"Hey! somebody ate all the good nuts."

*As Jake says the words in quotes he uses air quotes on the show*

Jake:"Oh sure, prejudge me, just because I'm not what you'd call "Responsible" or "Dependable" or "Reliable" or *whispers* "Dedicated" or "Punctual" or *stops whispering* "Mature" or "Sophisticated" *toilet flushes* or "Good at stuff" or *short pause* What was I talkin' about again? Oh well, see ya at lunch!"

From one of my mom's Mugs which comes from Nashville, Tennessee:

"I think you'll like this mug, cuz it's got a lot of flowery shit all over it."

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:

Guide's voice:"The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy has this to say on the subject of love...avoid if at all possible. Unfortunately, Arther has never read the hitchhicker's guide to the galaxy."

Guide's voice: "The Pangalactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brain smashed down by a slice of lemonwrapped around a large gold brick."

Hamacabula:"And, incidentally, you are stupid."

Guide's voice:"In the begining the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move. Many races believe that it was created by some sort of god. But the Jetrevartan people of Vochvogal 6 firmly believe that the entire universe was in fact sneezed out of the nose of the being called the Great Green Archulsesure. The Jetrivartans who lived in perpetual fear of the time they call "The coming of the great white handkerchief" Were small blue creatures with more than 50 arms each, they were unique in being the only race in history to have invented arosoul deoderant before the wheel."

Guide's voice:"The Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy is a wholely remarkable book. Perhaps the most remarkable, certainly the most succesful book ever to come out of the great publishing corperations of Ursa Minor. More popular than the "Celestial Homecare Omnibus". Better selling than "50 more things to do in zero gravity" and more contravercial than Ulong Kanoofid's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters "Where god went wrong" "Some more of god's greatest mistakes" and "Who is this god person anyway?"

Guide's voice:"Vougons are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy, not evil, but bad tempered, burocratic, aficous and calous. They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the ravenous bugbladder beast of Traough without orders signed in triplicate, sent in sent back,
quried, lost, found, subjected to public inquirery, lost again and finally buried in soft pink for three months and recycled as fire liters."

Guide's voice:"The odds of being picked up in that time are 2 to the power of 2,079,460,347 to 1 against, which, by a staggering coincidence is also the telephone number of the islington flat where Arther went to a fancy dress party and met a nice young woman, whom he totaly blew it with."

Guide's voice:"The infinite improbability drive is a wonderful new method of crossing intersteller distances in a few seconds, without all that tedious mucking about in hyperspace. As the improbability drive reaches infinite improbability, it passes through every concievable point in every concievable universe almost simultaniously. In other words, you're never sure where you'll end up or in what species you'll be when you get there. It's therefore important to dress accordingly. The infinite improbability drive was invented following research into finite improbability, which was often used to break the ice at partys by making all the molecules in the hostess's undergarments leap simultaniously one foot to the left in accordance with theory of indetermanency. Many respectable physacists said they weren't going to stand for that sort of thing, partly because it was a defacement of science, but it's mostly because they didn't get invited to those sort of parties."

Futurama:

Fry:"So, they're trying to learn?"

Nyblonian:"Yes"

Fry:"Those bastards!"

Elzar:"First of all, your antenna's in my crotch, also I hate you, and finally, you can't cook for squat."

Bender sobs and then says:"What was the first one?"

Elzar:"I hate you."

Bender:"I thought that was #2?"

Elzar:"I knocked it up a notch *points at the door as he says* BAM!"

Elzar:"What are you? An ass kissing machine?"

Bender:"I love cooking, and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed right?"

Elzar:"No question"

Angleene:"Or maybe I love you so much that I love you no matter who you're pretending to be"

Bender:"Oh how I wish I could believe or understand that"

Ethan Bubblegum Tate:"I've never seen such confident powerful strokes of the ass."

Martha Stewart's head:"You've never seen mine"

Ethan:"No I haven't."

Fry:"You mean you have to choose a life without sex or a grusome death?!?'

Zoidberg:"YES!!!!"

Fry:"Tough call."

Prof. Farnsworth:"Budda!! Zeus!! GOD!! One of you guys do something!!!!"

Prof. Farnsworth:"Satan!!!! You owe me!!!!"

Bender:"You can't count on God for jack, he pretty much told me so himself."

Bender:"Maybe you can interface with my ass, by biting it."

Bender:"Nothing a lawsuite won't cure."

Bender:"I got a busted ass over here an' I don't see anyone kissin' it.'

Zoidberg:'Alright, I'm coming."

Bender:"You know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha."

Bender:"I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla, but that is so what I would've done."

Bender:*talking musicaly* "The use of words expressing something other than their literal intention, now..that..is..irony."

Bender:"Aww crap, it's a miracle!!!!"

Bender:"I can't stay mad at what is essentially me, I love me."

Bender:"For the love of god someone kick his ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Patch cord adams:"So long, get well soon *pause to look at clip board with Bender's afliction* oh... well, so long any way."

Bender:"Obviously not or I'd be strangling you right now."

Bender:"I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my crappy body crapped out on me."

Bender:"They can't just melt down broken robots, not right when they're kissin' my ass!!"

Bender:"Alright, it's time to take life by the cans!"

Bender:"What's the point of going through life if I can't say ass?"

God (more or less):"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."

Bender:"I don't know why, but when I look down at their little faces, it makes me want to puke! In a good way."

Zoidberg:"I'd follow him to hell and back I would."

Random renecaunce robot:"Mumbo, perhaps. Jumbo, perhaps not"

Same robot:"I choose to belief what I was programmed to belief."

And now from Family Guy:

Brian:"You know, Connie, I think I have a theory about why you're such a bitch."

Connie:"Excuse me?!"

Meg:"Brian, let's just go."

Brian:"No na na na na na hang on Meg hang on. You see Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started putting out when you were 12, but now you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that by the time your body's used up by age 19; you're gonna be a worn-out, chalky-skinned, burlap sack that even your step-dad won't want; how's that? am I in the ballpark?"

Peter:"Yeah brian, you're doing the same thing Mia Ferro did to that oriental guy that Woody Alan brought home from the circus."

Lois:"Peter, hold onto that thought because I'm gonna explain to you when we get home all the things that are wrong with that statement

Stewie:"Come on, disipline me, make me wear panties, rub dirt in my eyes, violate me with a wine bottle, my god I really do have problems don't I?"

Micky Mcfinagain:"As we say in Ireland, let's drink until the alchohol in our systems destroy our livers and kills us."

*the following quote is from the episode where Peter find his real father and by this point they are so drunk that when they talk to eachother they need subtitles in order for the audience to understand them*

Peter:"Why can't you just accept that you're my father?"

Micky:"Why can't you be good looking like most Americans?"

Peter:"Actually, I'm quite typical. Most Americans look nothing like the way they're portrayed in the media. In fact, obesity is one of our country's primary health concerns, chiefly due to our high fat diet combined with an increasingly sedentary lifestyle."

Micky:"???????????"

Stewie:"Let me tell you something, Nessa, a bullet sounds the same in every language, so stick a fucking sock in it you cow!!!!"

Mr. Putershmit:"Ah, Peter, I see you're still fatter than holy hell."

Quagmire:"Oh I just said that so you'd googigiddy my gushmoogle."

Chris: "Well if you're happy then I'm happy 'cause after allEWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT?????????!!!!!!!!!!???????!"

Artist guy: "Yes, I know how important your success is to your father; that's why he'll understand that..you can never see him again."

Chris: "Yeah, of course he will, dad's very EWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT?????????!!!!!!!!!!???????!"

Brian:"But um..YEAHHHHHHHHHH IN YOUR FUCKING FACE FUCKWAD!!!!!!!!"

Peter:"First of all, I don't know what that is, and second, no freaking way."

Chris:"Why ya gotta break ballz?"

Brian:"Doesn't country have an O in it?"

Quagmire:"Nope"

Stewie:"Well, I'd love to stay and chat but you're a total bitch."

Stewie:"DAMNIT TO BLOODY PUSS-SPEWING HELL!!!!!!!!"(this isn't exactly how he says the line, but it sounds better this way)

Barber shop quartet(singing):"You'll never have to wear a condom when you do it with your wiiiiiiiife, or anyone else you do it with, we promise not to tell/like that new hot chick at work/you know the one with the high beams under her rib white cotton t-shirt/ but then stares daggers at you for checking her out/ and it's like 'why would you wear that if you don't want attention?'/but you know you shouldn't think that way because of the sexual harassment meeting you all had to go to/ seriously, how lame was that?/and you couldn't help but notice that the female lawer running the seminar had a huge rack/like rideculously huge for someone who has to talk about that kind of stuff/well, I guess that's the definition of the word..IRONY!!!!!!!!!!/(good-bye) say good-bye to manhood/(good-bye) say good-bye to babies/(good-bye) say good-bye to kids like Meg/that come out your sack."

Then onto Bleach:

Echigo:"Who the hell contacts people like this?!?! This is like some crime scene message written in the victim's own blood!! And it better not stain my wall!!!!

Hmm? What the? A P.S.?

Mr. Urahara, Faded voice:"P.S. If you're thinking that this is like some 'written in the victim's own blood' cliches from some t.v. show, then you obviously have no sense of humor."

Echigo as he throws his pillow at the wall where the message is written:"Oh Shut Up!!!!"

And quotes from the first TMNT movie:

Mikey:"Wisemen say 'Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza'."

Raphiel:"DAAAAAAMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

From the show Garfield and friends:

Garfield:"Better close your mouth, the squrriels are looking for places to put their nuts."

Here's one from our very own drumline class:

One of the girls in our class:"Seriously I can't do anything with my left hand."

Another girl in our class:"You mean you can't touch yourself with your left hand?!?"

Lucifer:"Adults are idiots"

The Fairly OddParents:

Cosmo:" Now she looks superkillafragavicousextradeathadocious!"

Wanda:" Wow, that was pretty good."

Cosmo:" They were snareatrappercatcharificcageaprecindocious!"

Wanda:" Ok, now you're just showing off."

Timmy:"No amount of therapy will ever make this moment ok."

Mandie:"Prepare to meet your doom. Meat?!?!"

Timmy:"Thank you horrible visual pun!!"

Timmy:"Hippo head?"

The hippo head:"If you go in me, you die."

Timmy:"ookay, when a toilet starts talking, it's time to give up."

Timmy:"And I'm going straight to therepy"

Yin Yang Yo:

Yang: "I AM NOT OUT OF MY MIND!!!!!!!!! I AM NOT OUT OF MY MIND!!!!!!!!! I AM NOT OUT OF MY MIND!!!!!!!!!"

Yin: "If there's somebody spying on us, prove it!!"

Yang: "Ok, The Nightmaster is a complete and utter jerk! *Green lightning strikes yin* Your honor the defence rests."

Yang:"You know what? I like you a lot, but if you can't like me for who I am, then maybe you don't deserve me to like you."

Lina:"Oh no you didn't."

Yang:" Oh yes I did. I'm a little dim, I like hitting stuff a lot, but you know what? I'm the good guy and if that's not good enough for you, then maybe you're the problem and not me. Oh and by the way, if I want the time of day I'LL BUY A WATCH!!!!"

Yang:"What should we call ourselves? Blink 180foo?"

Master Yo:" Hello children! I have suddenly decided to care about your happiness."

Yin:"Who are you and what have you done with Master Yo?"

Master Yo:"Kids, you can't live with 'em......You know, that's it, I find that you just can't live with 'em."

Master Yo:"And get those bumps checked, you might have dain bramage."

Yin: *mocking what Yang just said*"See what happens when you think?!?!"

Ultimoose:"These muffins taste like tree bark!"

Saranoya:"They're fat-free!"

Ultimoose:"They still suck!!"

Yang:"This is gonna suck..a lot."

Yang:"I think they should cross breed a poodle with an elephant and call it a poolephant."

Master Yo:"Man, this mall has everything, it has got to be a trap."

From "Hackers":

Dade:"Mess with the best, die like the rest."

The Plauge:"Die dickweeds."

Some F.B.I. thug reading from a piece of paper: "'This is our world now; the world of the electron and the switch; the beauty of the board (or bond, something like that). We exist without nationality, skin color, or religious bias. You wage wars, murder, cheat, lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good; yet we're the criminals. Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. I am a hacker and this is my manifesto' huh? Right? Manifesto? 'You may stop me, but you can't stop us all.'"

And now a commercial for Tag:

"The makers of Tag Wildcard remind you that if you mess with the King's Queens you better watch your Ace, Jack."

And even from our own biology class:

Me:"Hey, Sui, that means that you're going to move through (insert name of one of the girls in our class)

From the Simpsons:

Homer:"You make people miserabe and they can't do anything about it, like god"

From class of 3000

Tamika after seeing phily-phil suck his vacuum cleaner out of existance by sucking on itself: "Ok now see even you you that don' make no sense."

Atlantis: The Last Empire:

Sweet:"I followed you in, an' I'll follow you out, it's your decision."

Milo:"Oh, my decision? W-well I think we've seen just how effective my decisions have been, let's recap: I lead a band of plundering vandals to the greatest archiological find in recorded history thus inabling the kidnap and/or MURDER of the royal family!!!! NOT TO MENTION PERSONALLY DELIVERING THE MOST POWERFUL FORCE KNOWN TO MAN INTO THE HANDS OF A MERCINARY NUT-CASE WHO'S PROBABLY GONNA SELL IT TO THE KAISER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE I LEFT ANYTHING OUT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Sweet:"Well, you did set the camp on fire and drop us down that big hole"

Milo:"Thank you, Thank you very much."

Earthworm Jim:

Jim:"I have eaten my words and found them bitter as the lingering regret of a failed love affair."

Queen Slug-for-a-butt:"Prepare to experience suckage most foul!"

Psycrow:"Maximum suckage."

Peter:"What can I say? I-I wilke putting things in my mouth"

Peter:"Can we run away like pathetic cowards now Jim?"

Jim:"You betcha fuzz buddy."

Evil The Cat:" Look at him, so sweet, so guileless, so pure and good....he must be destroyed!!"

El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera:

The original El Tigre:"We can't destroy them, it would be wrong. Wrong is the word of the week. I can't talk to me like that! Ooo, I will destroy me for my insolence."

Frida:"Wow, he's nuttier than squirrel poop."

Puma Loco:"Is like you rip my heart out and feed it to the donkeys!!!!!!!"

Two and a Half Men:

Charley:"Aww, alan, I may think with my penis, but at least I think."

Alan:"What're you talking about? Your ends have not only met, they've been to Hawaii and remodeled the kitchen."

Charley:"It's not, I was just saying that to bust his chops."

Jake:"Chops are your nuts, right?"

Lilian:"You can push an elevator button 100 times, it still won't come any faster."

Charley:"Why can't I expose myself to your children?"

Kappa Mikey:

Mikey:"He'll get over it....or he'll chain me to a fence and have Yes-Man peck at my liver for the rest of eternity. Probably the second thing."

From today in Algebra 2 class:

Sui:"You should've quit while you were behind."

Me:"I could say the same about you."

From a conversation me and my dad had:

My dad:"Are you really fine?"

Me:"I think I'll leave that up to the ladies to decide."

From Power rangers Mystic force:

Phinnias(spelling?):"I hate to be a doom sayer, but uh, doom, doom doom doom, doom; cake!"
Edited by MasterofBalance, Oct 30 2009, 09:48 PM.
MasterofBalance!!!!

(If all else fails, hit the reset button)

"It's a cornucopia of disturbing concepts."

"You are all fools of the highest caliber!!"

"Why ya gotta break ballz?"

"I'll try, but I don't guarantee anything."

".....Did I miss something here?"

"Let me tell you something, a bullet sounds the same in every language, so stick a F***ing sock in it you cow!!!!"
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Sui
Member Avatar
The Lord of Loathing and Certified Snuggleslut
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
hmm... funny funny... err... GOT IT!

Whenever life get you down
Keeps you wearing a frown
And the gravy train has left you behind
And when your all out of hope
Down at the end of your rope
And nobody's there to throw you a line

If you ever get so low
That you don't know which way to go
Come on and take a walk in my shoes
Never worry 'bout a thing
Got the world on a string
Cause i've got the cure for all of my blues (all of his blues)

I take a look at my enormous penis
And my troubles start a-meltin' away (ba-doom bop bop)
I take a look at my enormous penis
And the happy times are comin' to stay (be-doo)

I got a sing and I dance
When I glance in my pants
And a-feelin's like a sun shiny day
I take a look at my enormous Pe-e-enis
And a-everything is goin' my way (ba-doom bop bop)

*Whistle Solo*

Zubudo zus zus zuboo-davey ba jud zud zuboo-day
Vabyado vuz vuz ba shoo-ba-do wah
Zubudo zub zub shaloo dub dub pe-e-enis

Sing along at home why don't you?
Two, three

I take a look at my enormous penis (it's not that hard)
And my troubles start a-meltin' away (just Bob and Tom)
I take a look at my enormous penis
And the happy times are comin' to stay (be-doo)
Yeah i got great big amounts in the place where it counts
And the feelin's like a sun shiny day
I take a look at my enormous pe-e-enis
And a-ev'rything is goin' my way (on bob and tom now)
Ev'rything is goin' my way (hey look at these goobers)
Ev'rything is goin' my way (Ai-chi-wow-wah)
Ev'rything is goin' my waaaaaaaaay
Yummmmm

--The Enormous Penis Song!

I seek to attain
serenity of water
steadfastness of earth
quickness of air
passion of fire
subtility of dark
vindication of light
and unity of spirit
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Sui
Member Avatar
The Lord of Loathing and Certified Snuggleslut
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
and God said let there be light and the nianderthal said "AHHHH IT BURNS" -- Blikley

"JEESUS! I'm trying to pee and you're giving me an erection! God dammit! I can't piss when I've got a boner!" --me to a hypothetical Wolfie as I was doin my business...

"ohmygod! I love you! ... whoever you are..." --random girl at work >.>;

"Now... I'm home alone with my really cute friend, and my parents won't be home for a long time... what to do... *grimaces* dammit no..." -- me

Conversation between me and Ballance at school:

Ballance: "Well... that's wierd... I don't know this con-"

Me: "What the fuck? Condom?"

*both start cracking up*

Ballance: "I didn't say cond-"

*another kid walks in, only hearing "cond-" and we all start cracking up*

Me: "aaakward..."

*kid walks out*

Ballance: "As I was about to say, I didn't say condom"

*another kid opens the door to hear the last word, gives us a weird look and walks out in a hurry*

Me: "very... akward..."


-----------------------------

More quotes from good ol' drumline!

Teacher: "Okay children... today you've got a freeday... so, remember: if you take it out, remember to put it away"

*whole class starts laughing*
--

For those of you who know my voice... Me singing "Material Girl" by Madonna perfectly and in her voice... Ballance can vouch I can do it!

--

Cute Goth Kid: "Ooh! Ooh! [Teacher]! Bondage is hoooot!"

--

Same Kid: "One day I'm going to start A.S.S. ... the Anal Sex Symphony."
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serenity of water
steadfastness of earth
quickness of air
passion of fire
subtility of dark
vindication of light
and unity of spirit
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Sui
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The Lord of Loathing and Certified Snuggleslut
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Grrg... post damn you folks...

To motivate you, here's a quote from Pheonix Wright: Ace Attourney JUSTICE FOR ALL


Trillo Quist (ventriloquist puppet) when asked about why he hates this place so much "The pay sucks... the clown sucks... and my partner has his hand up my pants!"

Maya (your assistant): "Y-You mean Ben?"

Ben is the ventriloquist himself

Trillo: "Yeah... the creepy old guy who never finds it in himself to leave me alone..."

--- Later---

Trillo: "Yes, I want to marry [Regina Berry]! I even wrote her a song!"

Maya: "Wow! You can sing?"

Trillo: "OFCOURSE! I'll have you know I'm an excellent tenor. Now... Mimimimimimimimimiii... alright then...

I want you to touch me,
I want you to kiss me,
I want you to...

THE REST IS PRIVATE!"
I seek to attain
serenity of water
steadfastness of earth
quickness of air
passion of fire
subtility of dark
vindication of light
and unity of spirit
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Curst Saden
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The Last True Trekkie.........................
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Troi: "Time line?!?!? This is no time to argue about time! We don't HAVE the time! ........... what was I saying?"

Riker: (chuckles) "You're drunk."

Troi: "I am not."

Riker: "Yes you are (laughing)."

Troi: (pause) "Look. He wouldn't even talk to me unless I had a drink with him. And then, it took three shots of something called 'tequila' just to find out that HE was the one we're looking for! And I've spent the last twenty minutes trying to keep his hands off me! So don't go criticizing my counseling techniques!"

---------Troi and Riker after traveling back to the 21st century.
"In fact, I've always found that people who try to convince others of their beliefs are usually trying to convince themselves." -Kira Nerys

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Sui
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The Lord of Loathing and Certified Snuggleslut
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Revive!

"Carl's Jr.
Fuck you, I'm eating"

"PLUH!"

"The universe is a teenager. It's inherently lazy and will do the least work possible."

"so... how does this happen?"
"I dunno... shit happens!"

"GIR reporting for duty!"
"what's the "g" stand for...?"
"I don't know..."

"GIR! why did you run out of fuel?!"
"To make room for the tunaah..."

"I've got a cupcake in my head!"

"Hmm.. if I study the sun, I should be able to determine how to get home... *stares into the sun as they begin to bubble and burn* AHH! MY EYES!"

"Are you a guy?"
"No no no... i'm a girl with no boobs, a penis, no vaginal tract and no possible way to get pregnant."

and the greatest joke of them all:

Wolfire actually listening to sense.
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steadfastness of earth
quickness of air
passion of fire
subtility of dark
vindication of light
and unity of spirit
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Curst Saden
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The Last True Trekkie.........................
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
"As you know I am holding the president's wife, his daughter, his Cheif of staff, his National Security Advisor, his classified papers, and his Baseball Gove!"
--Terrorist fromthe movie Air Force One
"In fact, I've always found that people who try to convince others of their beliefs are usually trying to convince themselves." -Kira Nerys

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Sui
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The Lord of Loathing and Certified Snuggleslut
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
"I'M AN EGG!"

"AAAAAA!"

"EGG!"

"AAAAAA!"

"Flower..."

"aahhh..."

"EGG!"

"AAAAAA!"



"Well, if you can't play it, I guess you'll just have to be a cymbal-bitch..... did i say that out loud?" Music Teacher

"Happiness is a nice toasty flamethrower."
I seek to attain
serenity of water
steadfastness of earth
quickness of air
passion of fire
subtility of dark
vindication of light
and unity of spirit
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Curst Saden
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The Last True Trekkie.........................
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
"Puetoricans eat rice too......."-random thing a guy my parents knew said out of nowhere.

"We are the Knights who say Nee!"
"NO!
"Nee!"
"Stop that!"
"Nee!"
"No! Not that word! Stop!"
"Nee!"
"Noo!"
"In fact, I've always found that people who try to convince others of their beliefs are usually trying to convince themselves." -Kira Nerys

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Sui
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The Lord of Loathing and Certified Snuggleslut
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Conversation between me and a very horny friend.

Him: Hey! hey! You should suck me off!

Me: No.

Him: But you know you'll like it! c'mooooon!

Me: No.

Him: What the hell man, I thought you were gay! Suck me!

Me: No.

Him: C'mon you damn fag, SUCK ME! *gets kicked in the balls*

Me: There. My foot just gave your testies a greeting, and a card that says "NO!" Capice?


"Bitch, PLEASE." (love saying that now... *warm fuzzy feeling*)


Random drunken girl outside of K Mart walks up to me and says "Hey YOU! Ya wanna see some TITTIES?!" She looks about 19. Me being me shakes my head and begins to walk away, but she runs in front of me and pulls up her shirt (with no bra) "HERE YA GO YOU FUCKIN PERVERT!" she screams at me. I begin to turn and walk away as she's still got her shirt up, she watches me before putting her shirt down and walking behind me, saying "Whaddaya? A fuggin QUEER?!"

Gods damn me, but I had to do it.

Me: Yeah... you see I'm one of the few people around here that won't gladly shove his face into your... rather lacking cleavage. Lady, if you want to actually get somewhere in life by diong shit like this, I suggest a boob job and an application to Hooters. OR in any case: take your damned business elsewhere. If you've still got milk in those bastards, sober up and start selling it on ebay, I'm sure some freak somewhere will be interested. But for GOD'S SAKE woman. *Walks right up to her* Put. On. A. God. Damn. Bra. *attatches two of those little alligator bag-closers to her nipples and drives away, leaving the woman dumbfounded*
I seek to attain
serenity of water
steadfastness of earth
quickness of air
passion of fire
subtility of dark
vindication of light
and unity of spirit
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Curst Saden
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The Last True Trekkie.........................
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Ella: I'm warning you. I....am a blackbelt in Oragami!
Oger: ........paperfolding?
Ella: Yeah I was hoping you wouldn't know-what that-was.....

"Release the Washing Mashine!"--Connor
"In fact, I've always found that people who try to convince others of their beliefs are usually trying to convince themselves." -Kira Nerys

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Sui
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The Lord of Loathing and Certified Snuggleslut
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
"I swear to god... IF I ever DO get boobs, the very first thing I'm going to do is jump up and start singing 'My Milkshakes'." -- me

"The last time I joked around about having boobs, I shoved a pillow up my shirt and my straight friends wouldn't stop shoving their faces into it.." --me again

"But... but... you're GAY! How can you have... but... how can you like.... it's.... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Although boobies are great...." -- Panda's reaction to me telling him :*laughs*:
I seek to attain
serenity of water
steadfastness of earth
quickness of air
passion of fire
subtility of dark
vindication of light
and unity of spirit
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Curst Saden
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The Last True Trekkie.........................
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
"How could you not like that movie?! Oh, you're a girl nevermind......"--Panda asking why my friend Laura doesn't like some sort of errotic movie (I forgot).

(In an elevator)
Flecture: Hi.
Tiffany: Hi, I'm Tiffany.
Flecture: New in the building?
Tiffany: Yeah, I just moved in monday. Everyones' been real nice.
Felcture: Yeah, that's because you've got big jugs.
*Tiffany looks shocked*
Flecture: I mean.... you're boobs are huge. I mean....I wanna squeeze 'em!
*Tiffany glares angrily, Flecture moans*
Flecture: Mama *sucking noises*
*SLAP!*
*elevator bell*

----funny scene from Liar Liar.
"In fact, I've always found that people who try to convince others of their beliefs are usually trying to convince themselves." -Kira Nerys

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phaedrus
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Mersault
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
this comes from DA itself lol

back ground
ok i constantly poke james cameron.

one day after i poked him landon comes up and rubs jameses nipple.
james "now you see dan that feels gooood"
mr roberts walks by as he says that feels good
roberts "wo just wo!" quickly walks away.
planet earth is blue and there is nothing i can do!
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MasterofBalance
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Yin and Yang
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
some how we got into a conversation about flexability during drama club today and it lead to this

Me:"As yes, the advantages of being able to put your leg behind your head. then the other leg, then bend and keep bening and bending and then...uh... lolipop lolipop oooh lolly lolly lolipop. then when you're close to finishing; *popping sound* bu dum dum dum."
MasterofBalance!!!!

(If all else fails, hit the reset button)

"It's a cornucopia of disturbing concepts."

"You are all fools of the highest caliber!!"

"Why ya gotta break ballz?"

"I'll try, but I don't guarantee anything."

".....Did I miss something here?"

"Let me tell you something, a bullet sounds the same in every language, so stick a F***ing sock in it you cow!!!!"
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Curst Saden
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The Last True Trekkie.........................
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
(The other day during lunch at college.....)

Mike: I know how to play the markets, Stephen.

Me: You do?

Mike: Yeah.

Me: Not even finished with your freshman year of college and you already know how to play the markets?

Mike: Uh-huh.

Me: Okaaay......
"In fact, I've always found that people who try to convince others of their beliefs are usually trying to convince themselves." -Kira Nerys

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Roland VoidHeart
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Desciple of Damn
[ *  * ]
"EXTERMINATE!"

-practically every Dalek (from Doctor Who) ever-
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Curst Saden
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The Last True Trekkie.........................
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
"You're muted! You shouldn't be making any sounds!"

---My Geology Professor scolding the speaker system as it statics out of control.....
"In fact, I've always found that people who try to convince others of their beliefs are usually trying to convince themselves." -Kira Nerys

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Roland VoidHeart
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Desciple of Damn
[ *  * ]
"Gotta listen to your big-time, hard-line, down-luck Fist-Fuck!"

-Trent Reznor, "Wish"
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Sui
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The Lord of Loathing and Certified Snuggleslut
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
"alright... w, w, w, dot, hot, male, dot, com... (*looks up to the screen to see "hotmale" instead of "hotmail"*) Gods dammit I need some therapy..." -Sui

"Niccotine is just as addictive as heroine." --Some lady who lectured us about drugs... followed by both me and Balance looking at eachother with a "YEAH FUCKIN' RIGHT" look.

3 AM STORY!

So granted, it's that time of night again when all your normal common sense has gone out the fuckin' window and you start doing things that normally you know you'd shy away from. We-he-hell... my story is pretty short but yeah... So me and my friend are fucking around and watching TV, and of course the Girls Gone Wild video commercials come up and we throw our usual snarky comments into the mix. After about the 7th or so one of these popping up, my friend "pops up" if you know what I mean. Note: he's completely straight, but isn't afraid to get some from a willing guy. So naturally I give him shit about it, and he grumbles and we go back and forth for a while on the subject. Naturally, one thing leads to another and I find myself absentmindedly stroking not just my own, but his too. As a joke, I grab his ass and stroke his wang at the same time. The first words out of his mouth:

"What... the fuck, dude...?............... Do that again...."

so just to spite him, I sit on his rather sizable erection and rub against him a whole bunch. By now, the guy's too horny to want to stop, but not entirely sure he wants to continue along the route. So eventually he's rubbing me through my pants and I'm still grinding against him when my up-to-this-moment-absent conscience kicks in and says "DUMBASS!" and I jump off of him and go to bed. I later found out that the words that came out of his mouth were the following after I took my leave:

"NO! COME BACK! I WANT YOUR TIGHT ASSHOLE! Pleeeeeease! I'll do anything! Go on a date, ANYTHIIIING!.....Fine, but if your pillow is sticky in the morning, it's your own damned fault."
I seek to attain
serenity of water
steadfastness of earth
quickness of air
passion of fire
subtility of dark
vindication of light
and unity of spirit
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Curst Saden
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The Last True Trekkie.........................
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
*screen buzzes*

Hello?

*screen buzzes*

Is this on?

*screen buzzes*

Closer! CLOSER!

*screen buzzes*

TURN THE CAMERA OVER!

*screen buzzes*

WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!

*screen buzzes*

Hello my puny-minded dog-faced opponents. I am sure you have been wondering who it is that shall defeat you. Well I...is it on? Of course it's on, I can see the little red light blinking! *sigh* all right, start over.

*screen buzzes*

Helloooo my puny-minded dog-faced opponents. I am sure you have been wondering who it is that shall defeat you. Well it is I haha! HAHAHAAHAH

*screen buzzes*

Meow meow! Reconize these humans?

*screen buzzes to human hostages*

If you do not deliver all the notes reguarding Dr. Brody's research to the peer, then they will be put to sleep.

*Lou whines*

*Camera spirals out of control*

HOLD THE CAMERA STILL, IDIOT!

*screen buzzes*

Hahaha! You have until midnight to comply! Eyahahaha!

*screen buzzes and camera spins irratically*

--Mr. Tinkles from Cats and Dogs
"In fact, I've always found that people who try to convince others of their beliefs are usually trying to convince themselves." -Kira Nerys

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Squattin Pumpkin Patrol
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Desciple of Damn
[ *  * ]
"ALL HAIL, KING OF THE LOSERS!"

"TheWonderTheWonderThe... NOOOOOOOO!"

"You played Two Hours to die like THIS?!!"

-Taunts from Age of Empires II
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Curst Saden
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The Last True Trekkie.........................
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
"They should torpedo 'em! Hell, I'll personally buy them a torpedo and launch it at the Sea Shepherds!"

"They should harpoon that fat bastard captain and use his blubber instead of the whales!"

"What watch? 'Oh, I have to take watch'. *points* THERE THEY ARE! Job done!"

"Yaaay! Sink Sink Sink Sink!"

--My dad jeering at the Sea Shepehrds.
"In fact, I've always found that people who try to convince others of their beliefs are usually trying to convince themselves." -Kira Nerys

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Squattin Pumpkin Patrol
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Desciple of Damn
[ *  * ]
"This is making me hungry!"

-Me after watching EVERY television special about eating disorders.
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Curst Saden
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The Last True Trekkie.........................
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Me: I can wait for Metallica.

Pumpkin: NO YOU CAN'T!

--Me and Pumpkin in a silly CD debate.
"In fact, I've always found that people who try to convince others of their beliefs are usually trying to convince themselves." -Kira Nerys

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Squattin Pumpkin Patrol
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Desciple of Damn
[ *  * ]
"Heil Us! I am ready for ze charge, herr Doctor! I am fully charged, ready to charge!"

"I told ya they were a bunch of we lassies. NOT ONE OF YA'S GONNA SURVIVE!"

"What have we learned? I Always Win!"

-Various quotations from Team Fortress II
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Curst Saden
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The Last True Trekkie.........................
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
"I am back, you sub-normal half-wit!"
--from Team Fortress II

"I would cite regulation, but you will simply ignore it."
--Spock, from both the old and new movies.
"In fact, I've always found that people who try to convince others of their beliefs are usually trying to convince themselves." -Kira Nerys

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Squattin Pumpkin Patrol
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Desciple of Damn
[ *  * ]
"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you. Oh wait, Yeah I did!"

"Say goodbye to your secret crap, dumbass!"

-The scout from Team Fortress II
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Curst Saden
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The Last True Trekkie.........................
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Buggin' Out: Yo Sal, we're gonna boycott your fat pasta ass!
Sal: You're gonna boycott me? You haven't got the balls to boycott me! Here, here's your boycott, up your ass you've got a boycott!

Mother Sister: "Hey, you old drunk, what did I tell you about drinking in front of my stoop? Move on, you're blocking my view. You are ugly enough, don't stare at me, the Evil Eye doesn't work on me."
Da Mayor: "Mother Sister, you've been talkin' about me for 18 years. What have I ever done to you?"
Mother Sister: "You a drunk fool!"
Da Mayor: "Besides that!"

--Awesome quotes from the movie "Do the Right Thing"
"In fact, I've always found that people who try to convince others of their beliefs are usually trying to convince themselves." -Kira Nerys

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Squattin Pumpkin Patrol
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Desciple of Damn
[ *  * ]
"You're a good Demoman Mikey... 'cause if you were a BAD demoman, you wouldn't be here being discussed about!"

-The Khan Man.
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