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Wrestlemania Preview
Topic Started: Mar 29 2007, 05:22 PM (303 Views)
TomAss
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FLAWLESS
Alright folks, I know most of you don't watch wrestling these days but some of you do so here are some thoughts from your resident RAW watcher, TomAss!

We'll start things off with Chris Benoit putting up his United States Championship against the nigger of all niggers Montavious Vsomething Porter. I don't watch Smackdown and haven't seen MVP wrestle but I'm pretty sure he sucks. Plus he's a nigger. Chris Benoit should, and will, win. Benoit 4 Lyfe.

Winner- Chris "I'm not Canadian anymore I'm from Georgia" Benoit

Next up we have Kane Vs. Great Khali. Here we have a formerly-almost-ok wrestler against a giant piece of shit. Both Kane and Khali are bad wrestlers that only have a job because Vince has boners for big men. I don't know or care who will and neither does anybody else. This might be entertaining in how terrible it is, though.

Loser - The Fans


ECW New Breed Vs. Originals
Who the fuck cares?

Money in the Bank

Finally the first decent match(read: spotfest) on the card. If ladder matches were dudes though I'd go gay for 'em. You have some guys who have proven time and time again that they rule ladder matches (the Hardly boyz lololol and Edge) so the match should be pretty good. While Booker T and Finlay may not excel in ladder matches, they're both good workers and deserve their spot here. I haven't seen much of CM Punk but apparently people jizz themselves over him so he must be pretty good. If he's going to be a big star, he needs a Wrestlemania moment here. Mr Kennedy is also teh bomb.

So who has a chance of winning? Booker T, Finlay, and Matt Hardy = Zero. CM Punk would benefit the most from this, however he's on the C-Brand and it would be a waste of MITB to use it against Bobbly Lashley. I don't think being Mr Money in the Bank works iwth Jeff Hardy. Kennedy, Edge, and Orton all are top tier players already so it doesn't make sense for them to win really. So that leaves us with no one. I'm rooting for Edge to keep his 6-0 Wrestlemania streak alive and because it fits his character. I think he should win the match and then lose the title shot to Orton in an up coming feud. That could work.

Battle of the Billionaires

Everybody assumes that Trump wouldn't shave his head but I disagree. That dude is smart enough to know that he would get a ton of publicity and get people interested in/talking about him again. That being said, Umaga is enhancement talent and Black Lesnar is being built as a star.

Winner: Booby Lashley

Women's Match:
Ashley sucks.


Cena Vs. HBK

I hope HBK wins. I think he deserves another run on top. He's a good worker and Cena needs a break from holding the title for a sec. If Cena does win however, expect HBK to be tapping to the STFU just like his boy-ee Triple Aitch.


Taker Vs. Batista
If Batista wins I will personally nuke the entire planet

That's all, folks!
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El Creepo H
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Smackdown Board President
For MVP vs. Benoit, I'll take the Atlanta man as well (although he is always gonna be Canadian). And its Montel Vontavious Porter.

Kane isn't that bad a wrestler, but Khali is a joke who shouldn't have a job... Hassan and Daivari > Khali.

ECW is a joke...

MITB: Edge is gonna win, by somehow screwing Orton, starting off a huge feud for the summer. Kennedy and Punk have a chance, but the others don't. However, I really want to see Matt or Jeff get the WWE title they deserve for their unparalleled dedication to the business. But that won't happen probably until they get well into their 30's.

Hair Match... this is pitifully obvious who the winner will be, so I won't even mention his steroid induced, non-Samoan name.

And Cena>HBK and Taker>Batista (I severely doubt they are gonna allow Taker to lose to someone who's demeanor backstage resembles the Ultimate Warrior).

This Wrestlemania isn't to interesting.... the storylines aren't that great IMO.

"Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter"
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The Wizard of Goz
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FWO Suxxx!
nice review fag lololol

GO ECW ORGINIALS!
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