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| Be Warned! A Movie Review By Sam!; A movie review by Sam on Eegah! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 16 2005, 07:13 PM (126 Views) | |
| Samthewise7 | Jun 16 2005, 07:13 PM Post #1 |
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Eegah! ![]() Hello and welcome to the beginning of a crazy idea in which I review old bad films and hammer it at the same time. Now this will be my first try at reviewing films so bare with me if this seems like it needs a great deal of work, after all nothing is perfect and it’s going to take a few tries before I get the hang of this. Anyway today I will review an early 60s B-Line film titled Eegah which featured Richard Kiel and not much else. So with that said let’s get to reviewing shall we, and please keep in mind this is to warn you and make you possibly laugh at the same time it all depends on how you perceive my jokes and if you feel the need to watch dumb B-Line films without MST3K or not. This will also be posted on the Nsider Forums sometime shortly but it will be on here first! Please post your thoughts on this thanks. Some people say films such as Road House and Manos the Hands of Fate blow. Well sometimes the thought crossed my mind that while watching Eegah it could quite possibly be the worst film out of the bunch. Before I review this film let’s take a look at what Yahoo Movies has to say about Eegah. “A cult camp classic” So when did a movie which featured quite possibly the worst actor of all-time in Arch Hall Jr. be a cult camp classic? Because if Eegah is a cult camp classic, then Manos the Hands of Fate is a horror classic. The two just don’t work and I have a hard time believing films like Eegah and Manos are good for you to watch without the help of MST3K. I mean these are the kinds of films where you will lose brain cells and you will be left with the feeling of “why did I just waste 2 hours of my life for nothing” But enough of that it’s time to focus on Eegah and Eegah alone without the Manos at least this time around. Eegah is a film about a teen girl named Roxy who is driving on the outskirts of town and encounters Richard Kiel’s character which is a caveman whose name is Eegah, basically carries Roxy around for no good reason other then annoying the audience. So where’s Arch Hall Jr. you ask? Well of course he plays the annoying and often whinny hero character which can be heard hollering out the following “Roxy, Roxy where are you Roxy” MST3K hammers the Roxy part down, and I must admit it’s hilarious it could be the best part of the film and the episode of MST3K. Anyway when Arch Hall Jr. isn’t screaming those words Roxy’s father often gets himself into trouble with Eegah and when he doesn’t make Eegah mad he often says “Let’s not try to escape even though Eegah could kill us if we anger him” There is one scene in the movie where Eegah shows Roxy and her father his family which are now skeletons I thought this was a funny scene just because of how stupid it looked and the reactions Eegah gave and how different they were from Roxy’s reaction. After this scene in the film Archie finds Roxy and her father and after that we hear more bad 60s Action Swing music kind of like what you would hear in that time period out in the sand dunes. Eegah is very annoyed at this point when Roxy tries to escape that he ends up throwing rocks down one of the cliffs just as the dunebuggie Roxy is in drives by. This scene of the film can be annoying and I thought it lasted 10 minutes when it should have lasted only five minutes tops. Besides the story in Eegah being terrible there’s plenty more to go around. Like the music in the movie that you hear towards the end when Archie and his bad Rock/Swing bad try to make the party better when they really make the movie worse. Of course this is what I’ve come to expect from Arch Hall Jr. the bad singing, the ridiculously large amount of hair gel that’s in his hair and of course acting skills that we will never forget in a bad way that is. Be Warned! Be warned when watching Eegah you will have the urge to blow up your TV and quite possibly hit your head against the wall because actors like Arch Hall Jr. will do that to a person. The music in Eegah is about as bad is it can get for Rock/Swing music goes from the 60s. The movie is way too long and you will have the feeling that you wasted two hours of your life after watching this film unless of course you go the same route I did by watching it on MST3K where they make the film watch able by bashing it to bits. Eegah will also be an annoying character that can at times make the film seem like it’s been six hours long when it’s really two hours. My Two Cents: While watching Eegah I learned just how bad a B-Line film can really be, I also learned that Arch Hall Jr. is one of the best at driving movie buffs like me insane. My two cents on Eegah is this, don’t watch Eegah without MST3K because you won’t be able to watch the entire film without crying or banging your head against the wall. I enjoyed the MST3K version of the film but the original version could possibly be the worst film I’ve ever watched. I suggest you watch Eegah only if you have nothing else to watch and you want to try and make fun of it yourself which believe me can be difficult at times. The plot stunk, the music stunk, heck that tall Eegah stunk as well. The Verdict: 3.0! This film is terrible and MST3K just barely makes it watch able for me. My Jabs at Eegah: In this section I will begin the bashing process of the film and this is basically where I’ll try to be funny and fail horribly in the end. The Annual Sam’s Worst Actor Award: Hello everyone and welcome to the depths of Antarctica where I pick the Annual Sam’s Worst Actor Award for a film! Today we have a close one folks as Arch Hall Jr. squares off against Eegah! That’s right this is winner take all competition where the winner gets to brag about being the Worst Actor in the film that was reviewed by me here in the frozen depths of Antarctica where nothing breaths and I’m freezing to death as we speak. First let’s break down both Eegah and Arch Hall Jr. shall we? Arch Hall Jr: Has bad acting skills, has the abillty to bring a film down while saying Roxy! Roxy has a voice bad enough for a film like Eegah, would love to have an award named after him mainly the Worst Actor Award and of course Arch Hall Jr. would love to beat Eegah finally because he couldn’t do it in the movie. Eegah: Enjoys carrying the character Roxy throughout the entire film, loves to introduce people to his family which tend to be very quiet and frightening at the same time to some people, but to Eegah his family is the best and he believes they really have his back on some things if you know what I mean. Eegah also enjoys bringing fear to people in large cites or backdrops that can be seen in his film Eegah which he supports 100%. Eegah wants to beat Arch Hall Jr. to prove that he made the movie Eegah good and Arch Hall Jr. only made things worse. Well that’s the match-up now let’s see who ended up winning! Sam: The winner of the Worst Actor for the Film Eegah is…. Arch Hall Jr.! *hall of boos happen instead of cheers which Arch Hall was hoping for* Sam: Well there you have it folks Eegah is attacking the booth and I’m about to be forced off of the air! But before that happens I would like to announce the new award for the worst actor in the film I review and that would now be The Arch Hall Jr. Worst Actor Award! Eegah: Eegah no like Arch Hall Jr. Sam: Well that’s ok Eegah no one watching Eegah disagrees with you at the moment. Well that’s going to do it for this review and the awards show! Well thanks everyone for reading this. I’m Samthewise7 aka Ron Burgundy saying Stay Classy NF users and Have a good night everybody! |
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| Ramen Hood | Jun 16 2005, 07:20 PM Post #2 |
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Paul's dumb Alex is cool
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In the words of a great man, “why did I just waste 2 hours of my life for nothing”
j/kAl I read was the first couple of paragraphs, so you might wanna think about making your reviews a TINY tiny bit shorter in the future. I'm sodra bettin' your love for Mystery Science Theatre 3000 helped a bit.lol |
Ron Paul in '08![]() <img src='http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/profile/ffrsiggy/Ramen Hood/0313.png' border='0' alt='user posted image'> | |
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| Samthewise7 | Jun 17 2005, 12:39 PM Post #3 |
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Unregistered
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That's true... But hey this is only my first Movie Review cut me some slack will ya?
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| Infierno | Jun 17 2005, 07:13 PM Post #4 |
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Supreme idiot of the Universe
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^-^ Well I won't be seeing that movie xD |
| Old Screennames: Ghost, Jumpman, SoulCalibur, Mario Sunshine2.0, Soul, Soulcalibur, PrinceVaati, FuzzyLlama, banmeplzkthxbai, I_phail_lolololol, MattB2289O More soon =D | |
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| John | Jun 17 2005, 07:14 PM Post #5 |
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I want to be a scribble pad moderator!
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That just set the record for weirdest thing I have ever seen. |
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| Jake34 | Jun 18 2005, 09:49 PM Post #6 |
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winner
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Boy does that movie suck lol |
| I'm Awesome. | |
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