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Why ex's can never be friends.
Topic Started: Jul 17 2006, 07:28 PM (931 Views)
`Crackster`
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Rey
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Although it would make things much easier in the dating
world,
relationships rarely see mutual breakups. One person is
usually the
heartbreaker, while the other mulls over the breakup and
pain for weeks,
sometimes even months! It's never easy to break up with
someone you've
shared good times with (and even if they were bad times,
they were still times).
But the person who does the breaking up feels like less
of a bad guy by
offering that sense of truce: "It's not you, it's me.
We'll still be
friends, right?" This peace offering of friendship
provides the dumper
with the solace of knowing they aren't such a horrible
person because they
still want to be friends with their ex.
I've created a monster
Not only does it give the dumper the comfort of knowing
they aren't
monsters, but by wanting to remain friends, it also allows
the dumper to
feel that their former lover will still be in their life,
and they won't
have to miss having them around.
So now the dumper can move on with their life with ease,
and with the
pleasure of having coffee with their former mate every so
often-but the
ex whose heart was ripped out and chewed up by the person
who keeps
leaving them friendly messages and e-mail isn't a happy
camper.
Obviously, these messages on the machine and coffee
dates don't last
long, and if they do, they end even worse than the
breakup. Yes, being
friends with an ex-lover is an impossible feat: find out
why.
Exes must stay that way
You might have seen each other naked. Although it may be
possible to have
casual sex with a friend, even this can damage a
relationship. As hard as
it is to accept, it's difficult to bring a relationship
back to its normal
state after having been most intimate with someone. You
will always have
an image of that person naked, and memories of the trysts
will always be
triggered by the smell of her skin or perfume, or even by
hearing a song
that you once made passionate love to.
And as thick-skinned as you are, it's hard to see the
person in the same
light after being entangled in each other's skin and
sharing a moment of
sheer ecstasy with one another.
Why else can't exes become friends?
You can't confide in each other. As hard as two exes try
to stay friends,
they can never really confide in one another other. How do
you tell your
ex that you have a hot date tonight, or that you and your
new lover are
going away on a steamy getaway? You can't even tell your
ex that the
reason you're smiling so much is because a woman has just
pleasured you
like never before.
You can tell her these things, but new lovers and mates
are always going
to be a sensitive issue. It's even harder to tell her how
hurt you were
that your date stood you up the other night, thanks to
your sense of
pride.
Remaining friends seems to provide us with the security
blanket that the
person who has been in our life will still be there, and
we can call on
them every once in a while to find out how they are-but
we'll never
actually know how they really are.
Always One-Sided Bitterness
Since breakups are rarely mutual, one party will always
feel resentment
or bitterness towards the other person. Even if your ex is
feigning
friendship, she's not sincerely your friend; so if it
seems like plans
with your new potential woman are always being sabotaged,
they just might
be.
Jealousy Comes Into Play
And where there's bitterness, there's jealousy. And the
truth of the
matter is, it's hard to be sincerely happy for your ex
when they've just
found the new love of their life.
You Don't Want Them With Anyone Else
It's human nature to be jealous or resentful when our ex
finds a new
person to cuddle up to, even if we don't have feelings for
them anymore.
It almost becomes a race of who will find the new lover
first, a challenge
especially brought on by the person who was dumped. Even
for the person
who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else
taking your place in
the memories that you and your ex shared is hard, and
sometimes extremely
painful to fathom.
Passion Still Exists
Even if your relationship was completely problem-ridden,
chances are
that the passion and sexual chemistry between the two of
you still exists
unless lack of attraction was the reason for your
breakup). This is a
recipe for disaster because it means that every time you
get together
under this new "friendship" premise, the lust and passion
you have makes
it more likely that you'll end up in "one more" night of
unbridled
"goodbye" sex, for old times sake. This brings you right
back to square
one-how you felt right after your breakup, and just when
you were doing
so well.
Moving on...
Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and you don't
want part of your
past still programmed in your cell phone. Although it's
easier for the
dumper, recovering from a breakup is still a hard thing to
do since it
means being single again, getting back into the dating
scene, and no
longer making that daily goodnight call you and your ex
used to share.
But having that person still lingering in your life as a
constant reminder
makes it even harder to move on with your life, meet new
people and turn a
fresh page. It's almost like keeping one foot in the past,
and another
struggling to make it back into the pickup scene.
It also might be a better idea to leave things with
pleasant memories of
the other person, rather than drag the potentially doomed
relationship
through the mud.
In a perfect world, the ideal would be for exes to
succeed at being
friends, but in one where bitterness, jealousy, passion,
and human nature
exceed reasoning and rational thought, it's impossible. So
unless the two
of you were the best of friends before; both broke up on
the same terms in
a perfectly mutual breakup; both have no qualms about
either of you seeing
new people, and have both instilled a total honesty
policy, better to
leave the friendship behind... along with the memories.
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ThereSheGoes

Thereshegoes
/sob2 nooooo

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raf_dominic
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The Simpsons go Naruto
basta ako friends ko pa rin exes ko../heh
friends lang na friends..di yung f***ing friends ha.. :lol2:
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The Nieg™
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Drainliar
hmmm. nice piece. goes against personal experience though. /??
Pass the tequila baby! We have boatloads of sweet lemons!
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Astral Heaven
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nah... things certainly will change, and people will change. but that doesnt mean they cant be friends esp if it wasnt a violent breakup in the 1st place.
patunayan mo na level 10 Pulot Quicken ka. /gg
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my thread looter frenzy thread
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NataLie
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Invincible Moon
if the friendship's foundation is really strong, and both of them value the friendship, then there's no reason why exes can't be friends.

.. unless really really bad break up
/wah
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raf_dominic
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The Simpsons go Naruto
i had a relationship once..
bestfriend ko yung girl..
kaya kami nagbreak dahil mas mahalaga friendship namin../heh
mas di kami naiilang sa isat isa nung magbestfriends pa kami..
/heh
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~*Ayie*~
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Alarm
i disagree.. /hmm ex can be frends ka prin bsta mgnda ung start nila as fwends and dey didn't ended up in a very bad way.. /ok

but still der will always be pain coz its really hard to accept that u did ur best to retain da relationship but it seems u two are destined to be frends only.. /sob2
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harmony
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Walang trabaho dito, personalan lang.
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hmm. /lv

mind if I move this to the Cupid's Lair section? unless if it was originally from Crackster, I'd gladly move it back here. :lol:
looking for love?
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DementedPinoy
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Don't let me feel numb..
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that is so not true
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`Crackster`
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harmony
Jul 28 2006, 12:16 AM
hmm. /lv

mind if I move this to the Cupid's Lair section? unless if it was originally from Crackster, I'd gladly move it back here. :lol:

just to be clear i didnt write that... i dont want to take credit of another persons work...
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Digital Eyes
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November Rain
not true.

i've seen many breakups and yet the couple remained friends.. pero may iba na khit 1 year na lumipas d parin sila nagpapansinan.. /sux

i guess i depends kung pano nga kayo ng break.. kung maayos then there's a real big chance na maging magfriends nga kayo.. but if you had a really bad break up.. asa ka pang kahit ngitian ka pa ng ex mo.. /heh
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Crimson_Death
Ready Steady GO!!!
ouch... /sob2

one part of me somehow believes this but the other part doesn't... /sob2

friends pa rin naman kami ng ex ko pero di ko rin masasabi na balik kami sa dating turingan namin nung friends pa lang kami... ewan ko ba, nalungkot na naman ko... /sob2
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Chainer,Dementia Master
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Lost But Never Forgotten
ganda ng post. peor i still disagree na di na kayo pede maging friends..
lalo na tlaga kung friends kayo bago naging kayo..
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cipher02
Baby Desert Wolf

opinion lng po.. ndi nman po cguro exactly na NDI na pwede... cguro po you can be friends again.... but not as intimate or as close as you used to be... mahirap mang isipin at tanggapin but almost all ng relationships na started as friends will end up as kung ndi mgkaaway e CASUAL n mgkaibigan n lng.. ung tipong hanggang hi and hello n lng... tingin ko ay nsa parehong panig n ang desisyon at pagpapasya kung kailan ang tmang oras o kailangn p b nilang ibalik ang isang samahang dati n nilang kinagisnan...

tingin ko nman po e time will be the one to tell when to say n okay n ang lahat for real...

wow.. prang may kakaiba sa mga tinype ko a.... /wah ... "sanib"
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