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How To Ward Off A Werewolf; The Quibbler
Topic Started: Dec 19 2007, 05:42 PM (773 Views)
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Due to an increased sighting of were-creatures and various unexplained attacks, all of which closely resemble the leftovers of a man-hungry beast, we've decided to inform our readers of a few sure fire ways to ward off werewolves, or Hofaong-dogs as they are more accurately called.

1. Drape yourself in essence of gurdyroot. It is common knowldge that these beasts can not tolerate gurdyroot and might even be killed by inhaling it.

2. Wear chartreuse items. Our studies have shown that werewolves are less likely to attack if you're wearing this shade of green as opposed to emerald or lime. We've also concluded that wearing the color red or purple will only attract the beast and kill you quicker.

3. Speak mermish. It is a shame that our own Zocolotes Franzinger was denied the opportunity to present his case to the Ministry requesting that Mermish and other species languages be taught at wizarding schools, especially since we're sure that no mer-person has ever been attacked by a werewolf. Coincidence? We think not.

4. If all else fails, curl into the fetal position. By presenting yourself as a small target, the were-creature may get disinterested and seek bigger prey. Also, it is believed that these creatures can only see movement, so standing very still might help as well.

5. Lastly, it helps to have seen the Crumple-Horned Snorkack. We believe that the sighting of this mysterious creature lends the viewer protection and good luck, much like the Felix Felicis charm.

We highly advise that our readers take all of these precautions into consideration when facing a were-creature, or at the very least write to us to explain their own methods of escape and survival.

We'd like to thank Arthur "One-Armed" Basinger and Billy "No-Face" Thompson for contribution to this article.

Don't forget to catch next week's article when we list the top five ways to tell if you're a vampire.

XX
The Quibbler -- The Most Reliable Source of News and Entertainment for Wizardkind
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