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Dangerous Election?; ENN Satire
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Topic Started: Apr 19 2016, 02:02 AM (146 Views)
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Ervald
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Apr 19 2016, 02:02 AM
Post #1
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The Goldblum of NationStates
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 Satire Article - "Dangerous Election?" Written by Ervald
"Whoo hoo! This election has been a wild one and in the past few days, there have been some bizarre developments. Aditya, despite not being a legal candidate for the Presidency since his running mate never confirmed he would be VP, has just released a controversial platform.
He plans to establish an idiocracy in Europeia which all idiots of the RMB board will control all government functions on the forum. Almost the entire forum appears to hate this, while citizens only active on the RMB seem to be deeply divided on this proposal. Glorious Republic of the Awesome Fake French Reich on the RMB has said, “Like Hammerabi told, ‘governed for a governed!’ This proposal is absolutely logical! And look, representative democracy worked in Weimar Germany! I mean, we’re representing the forum…right?”
Hyanygo on the forum has said, “This is absolutely ridiculous. I have lost faith in humanity. Our forum citizens are intellectual, professional, and creative citizens while people on the RMB are empty-minded, primitive nicompoopers. If Aditya gets elected, I will destroy the University Library!”
With more alarming news, Zenny has just registered to be on the ballot. She came back to Europeia by sneaking through the back window of Brunhilde’s house which is located right on the border, basically your classic Baarle-Nassau situation. Political experts are guessing her platform will promote self-glorification, rigged elections, excessive communist-themed propaganda, terrible military, and spying on political parties and societies. Happily for most citizens, the Ministry of Communications has released a report with her registering at -3 points in the polls.
Following the disastrous scandal with the PREDATOR tool with DEN higher-ups, they have all immigrated to Europeia. Gest and Chingis, using computers from a local public library to bypass their ban, released a platform simply saying, “Writing is inferior. We will just establish a military junta and step down and have Kraken in charge. Hail Europeia!”.
Despite dozens of insults from citizens, they are polling 90% with all ERN personnel. Right-wingers in Europeia are also hoping to have a Greek or Chilean military junta –inspired regime. The latest scandal is a very possible future President, Calvin Coolidge was arrested for assault against a running mate of another candidate, HEM.
After finding out HEM possessed a bamboo tree farm in the low-tax zone territory, the Krakenist Japanese Paradise, Calvin mounted a hasty raid on his farm. Unfortunately, HEM was right outside the farm entrance and after refusing to give up 75% of the bamboo farm to him monthly, Calvin attacked him. He failed to attack him by the groin and instead, his right leg have a deep gash. HEM was transported to the hospital and is resting there and is reported to be out and moving in a day or two.
Calvin defended the attack by saying: “Look, if you want me as your President, I gotta work well and bamboo motivate me. Lately, Ervald been buying out bamboo farms and placing lambs and chickens in them to make gyro meat for himself! If anything, it was a Hail Mary solution and I am negotiating with HEM after he get out of the hospital with Kazaman as the mediator to find a way for him to keep parts of the farm while I can get a flourishing supply of bamboo.”"
Edited by Ervald, Apr 19 2016, 02:02 AM.
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Kraketopia
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Apr 19 2016, 02:37 AM
Post #2
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How do you know about the Krakenist Junta
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C.V.
Past Positions
President - Three
Grand Admiral - Eight
Minister of Foreign Affairs - Three
Minister of Communications - Two
Speaker - One
Deputy Speaker - Three
Senator - Seven
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Associate Justice - Five
2014 Europeian of the Year
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Fortunado
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Apr 19 2016, 02:44 AM
Post #3
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Sommelier and sacrificer of Individuals To The Old Gods
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- Kraketopia
- Apr 19 2016, 02:37 AM
How do you know about the Krakenist Junta We put out a commercial for it on the only good TV station in Europeia... they would've found out eventually.
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I consider myself an idealist, mostly because realists are just pessimists who don't do anything. Check out the latest article from the EBC here! 11/12/15
These edges make me bleed! WHY! memories Geneva Convention - Kraken
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I'm pretty sure that violates every clause in the Geneva Convention.
The intent isn't to use him, it is to have him and not use him... very deliberately and clearly not use him, but let everyone know that we could use him if we so wished but we don't want to use him... because everyone is so nice and we appreciate how nice everyone is... :evil:[/quote] cpt.carrot How I host a barbecue with cpt. carrot - Cpt.Carrot
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*twitches* Why is there always someone wanting to eat me (  ) or severly injure me?
Fun for the whole family! I got deep sea friends - kraken
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- Fortunado
- Mar 16 2015, 05:24 AM
I do dabble in inter-dimensional rifts as well. Have you tried going to the void? I own real estate there. Oh! Don't do hell though. Without cell coverage (no cells in hell) you need to get a copy of the necronomicon from Cthulu but he wants item A. and to get A you need to trade for B which you get from another guy for C. One large fetch quest. Do you have vegan interdimensional tears?
I really like this guy
Fun book readings - Quote:
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we have much planning to do for you carrot. you have sealed your fate *begins reading necronomicon. The gates of hell open up go reveal tentacle-like horrors of the deep as they swell up from the grave and drag Cpt.Carrot kicking and screaming. He continues to try and hold on as the written inscriptions from the necronomicon reverberate and echo louder and louder in the sky. The terrors from the deep slowly drain both his willpower but sanity (points) and in a second it is over.* I am beginning to see a beautiful friendship svunbrink. 
Now wasn't that a fun chapter! *looks around to see the audience has turned into shriveled up corpses, All roughly the size of an actual doll. You can see what looks to be dried blood which had previously been running from their eyes, mouth, nose, and ears. They have been dead for a long time.* good when you won Mar 16 2015, 03:23 PM Cpt.Carrot: That is a Fabrication of your twisted and Brilliant (  ) imagination Mar 16 2015, 03:26 PM Fortunado: oh good job patronizing me... but for not conceding anything I might have to send thanatos after you again to literally rip your soul from yo-- yeah you remember what happened. (X) The Kraken-Sloth War - Quote:
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"Thank you for your many posts, Defender of Krakenism." -Kraken
William Farell, Priest Our Google, which art on servers, Hallowed be thy page; Thy domain come, Thy search be done, On Chrome as it is in the cloud. Give us this day our daily lolcats And forgive our trolling, As we forgive those who troll against us; And lead us not into spam, But deliver us from malware. RAMen.
resume Minister of Regional Recruitment Chair of The Assemblysenate aideMember of The AAC ministry of interior and World Assembly diplomat supernatural elements representative of hell Owner of Grape's Fortune realtor in the void
awards citations Gentleman, by Yefumm (current avatar) Edgar Allan Poe Statue, created by Dellamorteco and Abigail Larson Fuzzy Four Eyed Demon, by ARTofANT aka Anthony Diecidue
malashaan the sandslash Support Malashaan the Sandslash, and follow the Pokémon Blue playthrough (click him!) Support Fortunado the Hypno, and follow the Pokémon Blue playthrough (click him!)
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Boomer
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Apr 19 2016, 03:04 AM
Post #4
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Casual and Unashamed
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- Kraketopia
- Apr 19 2016, 02:37 AM
How do you know about the Krakenist Junta You leaked it yourself.
- Kraketopia
- Dec 7 2015, 04:03 AM
I'm actually setting up a military junta, so I plead Not Guilty.
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Boomer, EIN, ESS
  

Resume Senator (x5) Minister of World Assembly Affairs (x4) Hunger Games Host (x2) Flag of Month Host (former) Europeian Cup Host Master of Recruitment in Merridel
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Netz's Dream-Crushing Protege Only the second Europeian in history to be awarded the Order of Influence without serving as Delegate Shiny things Quotes - Trinnien
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Rach making a valid point. CSP agreeing with her. Cubs win World Series. Trump wins Presidency. Cats and dogs living together. Mass hysteria.
At this point, all I can say is 2016 needs to lay off the drugs.
- Calvin Coolidge
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The people who look up at the stars and dream that one day they too can break incredibly helpful tools meant for the benefit of the region in a high energy burst of bravado.
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Sometimes, Europeia raids. In other news, the pope is catholic, bears shit in the woods, and people don't like it when someone tries to start a righteous fury over something they've done for years.
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we need them in time for eurotoday so I can talk about how much they suck
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(in reference to a hypothetical Aex/Calvin ticket)
Europeia United: In Hating Us
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Yes. The UK is slowly sinking into the atlantic. It has been a matter of contention for months whether Mays government would choose to opt for a hard brexit or a soft brexit. May has instead opted for a wet brexit.
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Gleg - Today at 7:58 PM boomer which resignation Boom 🎸 - Today at 7:58 PM My last one From MoWA Gleg - Today at 7:58 PM ok just making sure kind of lost count there
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Anumia
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Apr 19 2016, 03:51 AM
Post #5
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Anumia Novo Spiritus
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What the hell is going on
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Signature The One. The Allfather.-- "He stood with his head held high, critics screaming, and did what he truly felt was best for Europeia." - Common-Sense Politics He's the only person in NationStates who can successfully combine outrageous pomposity with a real support for democracy. - Indycar Racing Do I really need to talk about Anumia? The guy can write like Shakespeare, think like Socrates, and I learned on EuroChat yesterday that he can sing too. I bet he's hung like a bull moose. - Common-Sense Politics Anumia, you have a great mind. - Lethen Someone like Anumia only comes around once in a while. - Kabanatuanistan To be perfectly honest, I'm just going to trust Anumia and approve - Falconias I saw your amendment and wondered whether I had died and gone to heaven. It's beautiful. - Swakistek This is why we should all listen to Anumia. Clearly he is a god amongst men. - Fortana | You are not all knowing. You are not all powerful. You are not Anumia. - Griff I have the greatest respect for Anumia - don't let this thread fool you - but I wish he'd stop winning. - Hyanygo Actually, Hy, the things I wanted to say were: Go Anumia! I love Anumia! - Lethen Anumia with whatever power I have I hereby declare you the winner of everything, forever. - Fortana Long live the Emperor! All Hail Anumia, King of Kings! - Peaceful Llamas How about we realize democracy here is flawed and we make Anumia our dictator? - karthikking I agree with you, Anumia, as all Europeians should. - Swakistek To be honest I'm just going to vote whatever way Anumia votes. - Fortana |
Awards I fought in the Osiris Campaign.
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Olde Delaware: AE, The Devil's Game, SPC, NS says (7:36 AM): I need you Sai'on'ay the Light Elf (Shower) says (7:37 AM): For? Olde Delaware: AE, The Devil's Game, SPC, NS says (7:37 AM): an Anumia vs Anumia debate  Olde Delaware: AE, The Devil's Game, SPC, NS says (7:38 AM): Were doing a 4 part debating series with Europeia and Rougiers brought up doing a "Anumia vs Anumia" debate I want you to be our Anumia
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Drop dead, Dre.
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- Aug 15 2013, 03:00 AM
You think I fact-check the shit I say? 
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Lethen
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Apr 19 2016, 05:09 AM
Post #6
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Remember when I was famous? Neither do I.
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^My thoughts exactly
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me, basically (click)
A letter to a friend By the Prophetical Blessing of Nethel, Supreme Chancellor of the Republic of Europeia and the states within, Destined Overseer of His rightful yet forgotten realms of Estalcia and Old Europe and Crystal Falls, Defender of the Faith and New Jersey, and Heir to the concept of Sarcasm
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Kuramia
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Apr 19 2016, 06:38 AM
Post #7
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Burdened with Glorious Purpose
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This was a fun read, Ervald!
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Grandiose Delusions Resume  Citizen's Assembly Deputy Chair - August 2015 Citizens' Assembly Chair - Summer 2015 Minister of Communications - Fall 2015 Deputy Minister of Communications - Winter 2015 Deputy Minister of FA - Winter 2016 to Summer 2016 Citizens' Assembly Chair - Spring 2016 Minister of Communications - Spring 2016 CARP - Summer 2016 Minister of Communications - Summer 2016 Senate - half of term Summer 2016 Deputy Minister of FA - Winter 2017  - Spring 2017 Deputy Minister of Communications - Summer 2017 Deputy Chief of Staff - half of Spring 2018 Deputy Minister of FA - Spring 2018 Deputy Minister of WAA - Spring 2018 Minister of Communications - half of Spring 2018 Senator - half of Summer 2018 
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Ervald
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Apr 19 2016, 12:51 PM
Post #8
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The Goldblum of NationStates
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- Kuramia
- Apr 19 2016, 06:38 AM
This was a fun read, Ervald! Thank you, Kuramia!
Edited by Ervald, Apr 19 2016, 12:51 PM.
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