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'If I Did Anything As Consistently As Kraken Fails To Run Paper I'd Be Rich,' Local Man Says; E-Mensa
Topic Started: May 9 2017, 04:08 AM (680 Views)
HEM
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former substitute senator to aexnidaral seymour

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"'If I Did Anything As Consistently As Kraken Fails To Run Paper I'd Be Rich,' Local Man Says"
HEM Tiberius Frollo
Managing Editor

A local man in a rural township of Europeia has made waves by saying he would be rich if he had the determination do any single thing as consistently as Kraketopia has failed to create the international paper.

"Any single thing," the man said while taking a swig out of his whiskey bottle. "If I sung that consistently, I'd be a pop artist. If I wrote that consistently, I'd be a best-selling writer. If I had sex that consistently, I'd be a porn star."

Kraketopia was appointed the formal head of Europeia's international paper approximately twenty-seven years ago. Babies were conceived, and born, with the hope that one day Europeia would have a game-renowned international paper. These babies have since gone through puberty, had their first kiss, graduated from community college, and got scammed by DeVry University in the time that Europeia has waited for an international paper.

In the previous election, concerned citizens suggested that perhaps someone new should take control of the project—citing several generations of failure.

Then-candidate Calvin Coolidge laughed off this ludicrous idea, saying that only he and Kraketopia could make it work.

There are many people we talked to across Europeia who didn't realize an international paper was still in the works. Many believed it was simply an urban legend, passed down from father to son, mother to daughter. These Europeians expressed shock that it remained an actual policy item that has been promised to be delivered in this millennia.

"My father always told me about the international paper," 32-year-old investment banker Charles Roth said. "He would sing me these soothing songs to help me sleep about an energetic staff that would create compelling content under the brave leadership of Kraketopia."

"Of course," Roth said, "It was only just a story."

##
HEM
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Aexnidaral Seymour
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"These Europeians expressed shock that it remained an actual policy item that has been promised to be delivered in this millennia." I actually laughed.
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This thread is the best Europeian culture achievement in ten years.

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May 9 2017, 04:21 AM
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Please note that this comment seems to be longer than anything published by the Europeian Standard in (almost) 11 months.
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Mousebumples
May 9 2017, 09:51 PM
Kraketopia
May 9 2017, 04:21 AM
O hai
Please note that this comment seems to be longer than anything published by the Europeian Standard in (almost) 11 months.
:clap:

Don't worry guys, we can trust Kraken. Calvin explicitly promised that he'd keep him in line due to their great working relationship. That'll kick in soon.

...right? :unsure:
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By the Prophetical Blessing of Nethel, Supreme Chancellor of the Republic of Europeia and the states within, Destined Overseer of His rightful yet forgotten realms of Estalcia and Old Europe and Crystal Falls, Defender of the Faith and New Jersey, and Heir to the concept of Sarcasm
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Kylia Quilor
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For all we know, they've got something MAGNIFICENT almost ready to release.
The Rt. Hon. Commodore Kylia Quilor, Dux Emeritus, Legatus, Quartius, Primus Pilus, Praefectus Vigilum Noctu, ERN
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I. Am. Not. A. Nice. Person.
Never underestimate the power of cynicism, pessimism and negativity to prevent terrible things from happening. Only idealists try to build the future on a mountain of bodies.
Unfocused populism is just as dangerous, if not more so, to a Republic's survival as creeping authoritarianism.
Tell people how you feel, honestly and frankly. If you like someone, tell them. If you don't like them, tell them - the world would be a better place if we all knew where we stood.
Professional Credentials

Testimonials To My Character
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Lethen
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Cerian Quilor
May 10 2017, 02:15 AM
For all we know, they've got something MAGNIFICENT almost ready to release.
That may be delayed and delayed until next term, when the paper is somehow kept alive? :emb:
me, basically (click)

A letter to a friend

By the Prophetical Blessing of Nethel, Supreme Chancellor of the Republic of Europeia and the states within, Destined Overseer of His rightful yet forgotten realms of Estalcia and Old Europe and Crystal Falls, Defender of the Faith and New Jersey, and Heir to the concept of Sarcasm
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Well, then let's give them till then.
The Rt. Hon. Commodore Kylia Quilor, Dux Emeritus, Legatus, Quartius, Primus Pilus, Praefectus Vigilum Noctu, ERN
Posted Image
I. Am. Not. A. Nice. Person.
Never underestimate the power of cynicism, pessimism and negativity to prevent terrible things from happening. Only idealists try to build the future on a mountain of bodies.
Unfocused populism is just as dangerous, if not more so, to a Republic's survival as creeping authoritarianism.
Tell people how you feel, honestly and frankly. If you like someone, tell them. If you don't like them, tell them - the world would be a better place if we all knew where we stood.
Professional Credentials

Testimonials To My Character
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