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Roommates
Topic Started: Aug 1 2010, 05:53 PM (203 Views)
Marcus Delamere
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Man, so I wanted to vent and get this out there.

So apparently I have a cousin on my mother's side of the family whom nobody has ever met (except her side of the family, of course). Apparently, I am to meet this cousin when he flies out to Arizona for a business internship later tonight; he is 21, and apparently he expects to stay at my home with my girlfriend and I.

When did I find out about this? Last night.

So here's a dude I've never met, about who the mother's scouting report can be summarized as: "He doesn't get up before noon, he has his own apartment in New Hampshire but I pay for it and I buy and deliver groceries to him because he's not comfortable doing it on his own." So, this fucking mama's boy is going to crash at my place with my girlfriend and I for 28 days on 24 hours' notice? Really? Who, at 21, can't afford a fucking hotel?

Really? Who plans like this? Who organizes like this? Who expects this...this...nonsensical nonsense? And he expects me to show him the town and show him college parties and shit, but WTF is the incentive in that? He's bringing no money, so he expects me to buy him food. He's bringing no computer, expects to use mine. True story, I have a lesbian birthday party (with mud wrestling) next Saturday, why the hell would I want to share such blessed awesomeness with this douche - who assuredly will bemoan me not inviting him?

In short: KAHN?!
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Marcus Delamere
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And he's going to drink all my booze! GAHDAMNIT! I have nothing but the worst expectations of this twat... but I hear he smokes cigarettes, so at least we'll have something in common as I chain smoke the next 28 days of my life away.
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"The Ripper" Danny B
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Wow, sounds like your in for a fun month Patrick. I am not envious of you in the slightest.

Thought about going on a short notive holiday yet?
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Marcus Delamere
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"The Ripper" Danny B,Aug 1 2010
04:56 PM
Wow, sounds like your in for a fun month Patrick. I am not envious of you in the slightest.

Thought about going on a short notive holiday yet?

The lesbian mud wrestling birthday party and the upcoming premiere of my independent film are the only things keeping me from going on sabbatical to Argentina with a strange government secretary ala United States Senate.
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J. Rish
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The kid sounds like a real winner, good luck. :lol:
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Jarvis King
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Marcus Delamere,Aug 1 2010
05:53 PM
Man, so I wanted to vent and get this out there.

So apparently I have a cousin on my mother's side of the family whom nobody has ever met (except her side of the family, of course). Apparently, I am to meet this cousin when he flies out to Arizona for a business internship later tonight; he is 21, and apparently he expects to stay at my home with my girlfriend and I.

When did I find out about this? Last night.

So here's a dude I've never met, about who the mother's scouting report can be summarized as: "He doesn't get up before noon, he has his own apartment in New Hampshire but I pay for it and I buy and deliver groceries to him because he's not comfortable doing it on his own." So, this fucking mama's boy is going to crash at my place with my girlfriend and I for 28 days on 24 hours' notice? Really? Who, at 21, can't afford a fucking hotel?

Really? Who plans like this? Who organizes like this? Who expects this...this...nonsensical nonsense? And he expects me to show him the town and show him college parties and shit, but WTF is the incentive in that? He's bringing no money, so he expects me to buy him food. He's bringing no computer, expects to use mine. True story, I have a lesbian birthday party (with mud wrestling) next Saturday, why the hell would I want to share such blessed awesomeness with this douche - who assuredly will bemoan me not inviting him?

In short: KAHN?!

For a month?

*raises hand*
CWF Hall of Famer

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Marcus Delamere
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Should that be the case, Jarvis, don't fly out across the country for an unpaid internship without any plans ;)
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King Nothing
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The Ultimate Opportunist
I can come up with a whole bunch of "bad host" ideas... but I'm thinking he won't mind you walking around naked with sandwich meat hanging from your ass crack. You'll have to step it up.

Adopt cats. LOTS of cats. I'm talking 30. Make sure they're litter trained. While your guest sleeps, hide the litter pan and sprinkle a handful of granules throughout his clothing and stuff. Let the cats do the rest. He may opt for the hotel room.
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Ataxia

I got a suggestion...treat him like a actor. Beat him till you get the result you want. :lol:
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Marcus Delamere
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King Nothing,Aug 2 2010
07:38 AM
I can come up with a whole bunch of "bad host" ideas... but I'm thinking he won't mind you walking around naked with sandwich meat hanging from your ass crack. You'll have to step it up.

Adopt cats. LOTS of cats. I'm talking 30. Make sure they're litter trained. While your guest sleeps, hide the litter pan and sprinkle a handful of granules throughout his clothing and stuff. Let the cats do the rest. He may opt for the hotel room.

I'm allergic :(

Ataxia - I'm a director. Don't tempt me.
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Ataxia

*hands you the directors chair* Make him have a crying game moment.

*walks away* I wash my hands of this.
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Marcus Delamere
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You ever see "Children of God"?

You know the scene where the little African boy is crying his eyes out because his friend just died?

The director told the kid, whose Mom usually transported him to and from the set, that the reason the crew had taken him to set that morning was because his Mom got in a car accident and died.

That's how us directors roll, damnit.
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King Nothing
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The Ultimate Opportunist
Great idea: Cover all of your furniture in newspaper, floor, too. Have him sit down. Play some music and say "Do you like Huey Lewis and the news? Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercial and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humor."

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