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| A Matter Of Honour; Entourage vs Demons of Death | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 7 2010, 04:48 AM (89 Views) | |
| Mark Carlton | Feb 7 2010, 04:48 AM Post #1 |
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As Mark Carlton’s manager Steve walked into his boss’ apartment late Saturday afternoon, he was surprised to see that the place hadn’t been trashed the previous night. He was even more surprised to see Carlton wide awake – he was standing in the bathroom, shirtless, surrounded by mirrors and with numerous combs of varying sizes within access. There were a few different hair gel containers open next to Carlton, and the Fearless Atlantic Gentleman had a look of intense concentration on his face. ‘So…’ said Steve, ‘I’m guessing you watched Scorpion’s promo yesterday?’ Carlton turned around to face Steve, his eyes bloodshot. ‘Did you see the way he made my hair look? I mean, I realise it was a caricature, but nevertheless I must maintain my standards. Hence, I’ve assumed that something was wrong with my hair – obviously, it’s impossible to parody perfection. My hair was parodied – hence, it is imperfect. So I am fixing it.’ Carlton turned back to the mirrors, before groaning. ‘Was I up to step 101 or step 102?’ Steve looked utterly bewildered. ‘You have steps for doing your hair?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘And you’ve done over 100 of them.’ ‘Oh, don’t be so naïve, Steve – this is my fourth attempt. Step 134 is tremendously difficult – only five people alive have ever mastered it. Still,’ he said, sighing airily, ‘it’s the price you pay for perfection.’ ‘Mark?’ Carlton did not look away from the mirrors. ‘Mmm?’ ‘Have you slept since Scorpion’s promo?’ ‘No.’ Steve held back his laughter. ‘You know, I thought my wife was vain about her hair… but she only takes 45 minutes with it. This is a whole new level of vanity.’ ‘Vanity, my friend, is merely a label placed on those with the patience to pursue perfection by those without.’ Steve laughed. ‘Whatever you say… although I think you and Mace might at least have incredible vanity in common. Which brings me to business.’ Carlton sniffed impetuously. ‘Steve, I am in the middle of a tremendously important process.’ ‘Even more important than your revenge?’ Carlton stopped in the middle of what seemed to be a dual-wielded comb flourish. He put the combs down, sighing heavily. ‘You are quite right, Steve.’ ‘Mark, you told me last week that you wanted nothing more than to take out Anubis and Scorpion.’ ‘Nothing has changed. My priorities remain the same. Did you bring me the information?’ ‘Yes… although we still haven’t been able to get anything concrete on Anubis. The guy’s an enigma wrapped in a paradox between a pair of mysteries. All biographical evidence seems to point to him actually being the God of the Dead… and yet, he’s enjoyed very little success outside of teaming with Blue Scorpion.’ ‘Mmm. Good thing I’m facing an Egyptian god. If it were Greek or Norse I might just be worried. But still,’ he said, standing back and flexing his muscles, ‘I at least have the physique of a Greek god.’ Steve attempted to process the last few statements. Not being capable of understanding why Egyptian gods were less powerful than others (weren’t they all make believe anyway?), he moved on. ‘As for Scorpion, the data’s more concrete. He’s only had two losses – thankfully, they were both against the Entourage. Aside from that, he’s a force to be reckoned with.’ ‘Any known weaknesses?’ ‘Nothing in particular. Jarvis got him to submit with the Cattle Mutilation, but that’s not exactly exploiting a weakness – it’s just a really painful hold.’ ‘Right. Best strategy?’ ‘Do you ever use a strategy? I thought you and Mace just kind of went in and did your respective things.’ ‘Well, that’s kind of true.’ ‘Just do what you usually do. It got you the win over Anderson and Xtreme.’ ‘Anderson and Xtreme are in the minor leagues. They’re nobodies compared to Mace and me. This is a whole different kettle of fish.’ ‘I guess so, mate. Regardless, I think you know what this means.’ Carlton rolled his eyes. ‘No getting smashed tonight.’ Steve nodded. ‘Or tomorrow night. Or any night until Tuesday, when you have a belt around your waist.’ Carlton patted him reassuredly on the shoulder. ‘I promise, Steve. No drinking.’ Two hours later… ‘Barkeep! Two whiskey sours, straight down!’ Carlton grinned as he and the beautiful blonde girl he was talking to each drank their drinks. ‘So, my dear, you may conceivably be the most lovely thing these eyes have ever clapped eyes on.’ She laughed. ‘Mark, you’re drunk.’ ‘Yes, my dear, and you are lovely. But in the morning, I shall be sober!’ She looked slightly confused. ‘What?’ Hmm. Note to self: Winston Churchill quotes do not make good pickup lines. ‘You know what, perhaps you’re right. I daresay I could use a coffee. Perhaps you’d like to come to my apartment so we can share a latte?’ And then have hot sex! ‘Hot sex?’ she said. Oh dear, I think I said that out loud. ‘I mean… um…’ ‘It’s alright. I’m down for that kind of thing, and you’re really cute. Let’s go.’ ‘That sounds absolutely wonderful, my dear. But first – barkeep, two glasses of your finest Cognac!’ Carlton awoke in a daze the next day. He was naked under the covers, that much he knew, but he couldn’t remember a thing. He thought there had been a girl… blonde perhaps… wait, there she was, sitting on the edge of his bed. ‘Well, good morning, sexy thing,’ he purred seductively, sitting up, only for his expression turn to horror as the girl turned around, revealing herself to be his cousin Caledonia. Oh my God, please tell me we didn’t do it! Not even I would sink that low! ‘Well, thankyou, cousin. But perhaps you’re thinking of the American girl who I passed on my way in?’ Carlton fell back to his pillow with relief. Oh, thank God and all the saints. ‘Yes…um…’ ‘Bridget, her name was. And she seemed in a dreadful hurry to leave.’ Caledonia smirked. ‘Of course, that might be because I said I was your colonoscopist.’ ‘Why?’ ‘For fun.’ Carlton grunted. Caledonia continued. ‘Although she did mention something about her hand being completely sticky… Mark, if there’s something you’re not telling me…’ Sticky? What? I – oh, of course. ‘That would be the hair.’ ‘Ah,’ she said. ‘Went out while Drying Stage 3 was still in progress?’ ‘Yeah. Wait, how do you know about the phases?’ ‘Because your mother called me every other day when you started doing it, asking if it was normal for a boy your age to spend two hours in the bathroom, compiling an elaborate haircare process. But I didn’t come here to talk about your hair.’ ‘Please tell me you didn’t really come here to perform a colonoscopy.’ ‘Do I look like an MD? Look, I want to accompany you and Mace to the ring on Tuesday.’ She shuddered. ‘I hope you realise what a big deal this is. I can’t stand Mace.’ ‘Then… why are you doing this?’ She took a deep breath. ‘Look, Mark, I know why this match is such a big deal to you. I know that it’s mostly on my account. And… look, you and I have never seen eye to eye on much – the best Doctor, politics, Dan…’ Because I don’t want that lunkhead polluting my bloodline! ‘I maintain that Colin Baker is the best Doctor. There’s a lot of people who think so.’ ‘Yes… you, Colin Baker and his immediate family. I maintain that he’s the lesser Baker, and Eccleston was the – ’ She broke herself off. ‘I didn’t come here to debate Doctor Who with you. I want to help you redeem yourself in the eyes of Uncle John.’ ‘You do?’ ‘Mark, we’re cousins. For better or worse, we share a common bloodline. And… I mean, I know I don’t talk about it often, but I really do care about the family. And it’s killing me to see you cast aside like you’re a used toothpick. Particularly given that Uncle John keeps calling me, telling me to tell you to get your act together.’ ‘Why doesn’t he just call me?’ ‘He’s not speaking to you.’ ‘I…’ Carlton was flabbergasted. ‘Why is he so angry? I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time!’ ‘I think it had to do with being in the wrong person at the wrong time.’ Oh, God, what I’d give to be back in her! ‘Touché, cousin. What do you tell him?’ ‘I told him that you’re really trying to make a go of this. He laughed at me. Said that wrestling’s nothing but… what was it he said? “A bunch of nonsense – grown men running around in stupid outfits, acting like they’re the toughest men under the sun." Then I reminded him that he was in the Navy.’ ‘That was a low blow, cousin.’ ‘Yes… but he insulted my career. I insulted his. Besides, he got a chuckle out of it.’ Carlton sat up a bit more, yawning. Caledonia winced. ‘Either put on some pants or pull those covers back up.’ ‘Oh – sorry.’ He covered himself up. ‘Oh, and Mark? Go to a bloody tanning salon. I’m not surprised Bridget ran out. You’re paler than a bloody vampire. It’s creepy.’ ‘Right… so you’re going to come down to the ring with me this week?’ Caledonia sighed. ‘Perhaps against my better judgement. But I’ve told Uncle John that you’re the gallant hero of the Carlton bloodline, fighting to redeem the honour lost when I fell fighting Anubis and Scorpion. I died a little inside when I said it.’ Carlton laughed. ‘And what does St.Lunkhead think of this?’ Caledonia frowned. ‘You know, I really don’t like it when you call my fiancé “St Lunkhead”. I’m marrying him for a reason, and he’s going to be a fine addition to our bloodline.’ Carlton scoffed. ‘Sure he is, cousin.’ ”Fine addition”, indeed. There hasn’t been an Australian in our bloodline in a hundred years. ‘Your father adores him.’ Carlton spluttered. ‘What?!’ ‘We visited last time we were in England. Your father and Dan got on tremendously. Talked about economics deep into the night. I’ve never seen a Tory and a Democrat get along so well. He even gave us a clock.’ Carlton’s face turned even whiter. ‘It wasn’t… it wasn’t the clock, was it?’ ‘Yep. The fifth-generation Carlton family clock. He gave it to Dan.’ ‘That…’ Carlton’s face was oddly blank, but his voice was shaky. ‘Well, it’s kind of silly, but…’ ‘He’d always promised it to you.’ ‘Yeah.’ Carlton exhaled heavily and leant back. Caledonia took his hand in hers. ‘Mark, we don’t get along all that well – and Dan said he has no idea why I care about “that bloody little emo”, but…’ ‘He called me an emo?’ That insolent jock! How dare he! My blood is twice as blue as his! ‘He did, but I said you were my cousin. And I also said that, really, no match was more important to you.’ Carlton nodded. ‘And at that… well, he actually asked me to wish you luck.’ ‘Really?’ ‘Yep. Although he did shudder after he said it.’ ‘Right.’ Should have known St.Lunkhead wouldn’t be sincere. ‘Anyway, Mark. I’m sure you have a lot of preparation to do. I checked your phone on the way in, and you’re to meet King and Mace in Denver… hmm, about ten minutes ago.’ ‘Oh Jesus!’ Mark jumped out of bed, throwing the covers off him. Caledonia squealed and covered her eyes. ‘Pants, Mark, pants!’ ‘Right.’ He grabbed a pair of trunks out of a drawer and pulled them on. ‘I’m good.’ ‘Now get out of here. And no more drinking. You can’t redeem your honour hung over.’ ‘Yes, ma’am.’ She waved as she left, leaving him to hurriedly dress and check his hair. He winced, simply knowing that he had screwed up step 135. But that didn’t matter. Yes, even his hair didn’t matter at this stage. Tuesday night, with my cousin at my side, I avenge the family honour. And perhaps… perhaps I redeem my own. |
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