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The News. The Booze. The Booty.; Everyones a plunderin' pirate.
Topic Started: Jan 11 2010, 01:29 AM (88 Views)
Captain Johnny Blackheart

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"Yo ho, yo ho. Helllo again, mateys. It's been a while since we saw each other last, at least ten turns of the sun, me bets! It's me, Captain Johnny Blackheart, joining you from the most exclusive pirate bay, Crabby Dicks! It's been a perilous journey across the deep yonder for me, and ye can be sure I gots me buried treasure, and Pete the most trustworthy pirate parrot in all of yonder, at me side! But I'm here to keep all you scallywags up to date on the happenings of ye ole CWF!"

"Earlier this week, I plundered a report that told me CWF Superstar Chaolin Sahn was "puking his face off." And by the joy of Jolly Roger himself, it's true! I also stumbled upon a picture of Chaolin Sahn. It's no damn wonder he wears that hood!"


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"Blimey, that's ill. Har har har, I kid, I kid. I've been plunderin' around, and the truth be revealed! The secret weakness of the Tormented Soul, as innocent as it sounds....it's allergies!"


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"Yo ho, that cat walks on water! Perhaps there is a God after all? If there be, he be a pirate! Yo ho! Moving on, CWF Superstar and Sex Icon has been seen, in the most unflattering place. See, during my explorations, I spotted her myself, shopping at Walmart!"


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"Ye, but it remains to be seen if the CWF will now market the trademark "Fart Loading" t-shirt that Angel has revolutionized! Next, Omega takes a deep sea voyage, taking a long overdue trip to her jolly ole grandmother.


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"But blimey, all those scallywags forgot to inform little Miss O that her dear grandmother has been dead for at least three years. At least she can still go to the funeral!"

"Rounding up the reports on the CWF woman wrestlers, here is one regarding the Potsmoke Princess, Abigail Starr. True pirates don't smoke dope, true pirates drink rum! Rum, rum, rum. Feels so good in my tum, tum, tum. But blimey, I digress! Seems like little Abi is regretting the forced abortion of her child. Just this week, Ms. Starr went out and bought a new vehicle, calling it her "baby". She even went as far as to name it after the unborn child, putting the name of the would be child on the license plate of her vile vessel!"

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"An interesting name, to say the least. But we should be a-movin' on. Meanwhile, the father of that unborn scallywag, the President of the CWF....is still stuck in his office, after an unfortunate run-in with his new office door."

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"According to our reports, he left his keys in the other door. Alas, we're out of time! I got places to plunder and people to booty! Until next time, this is the News, the Booze and the Booty with your pirate friend, Captain Johnny Blackheart!"
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Yo ho, I'll take you for a ride on my pirate ship, yo ho.
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