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| Markie feedback please | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 4 2018, 03:25 PM (36 Views) | |
| Marksman | Apr 4 2018, 03:25 PM Post #1 |
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I haven't asked feedback since like my second post here so would love some on the rp i just dropped. please! |
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| The Weaver of Dreams | Apr 20 2018, 10:10 AM Post #2 |
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I apologize for the delay in getting this out, but better late than never... It's obvious from the beginning that Marksman is determined and ultra focused. Now it is a very find line between determination and stubbornness and it is easy to fall off the ledge by putting on blinders. I mean, you've build Marksman to be THE cocky chauvinistic all-around asshole of the century and every action, every word, every metaphor oozes of it and it definitely makes him immediately hateable, no questions asked. There is not one thing that a fan could latch onto and cheer, unless they are of the same ilk, obviously. Now that being said, this is very much a do or die roleplay. If you win, you've done everything right, if you lose, you have painted yourself into a corner, because a loss would negate pretty much every single thing you put into the roleplay and that is very, very thin ice to walk on. It obviously shows that you are extremely (too?) confident and that matches your character, but in hindsight I can't help but wonder, if this all or nothing approach already took into consideration that in the case of a loss you would leave the fed? It is a good roleplay but to me it is a bit too over-focused on the one ring, your precious, especially since the character development part is nearly non-existent in this one. The setting is very nice and the books are an interesting addition, but that part does not add anything to the roleplay or the character, because it comes in and then as soon as you send the woman away to get drinks, it's forgotten, there is no added value and in the end comes off as filler. Sorry to see you go, because you played the ultra heel very well, but maybe with some time away you can come back refreshed and with a new plan of attack. |
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| userpoets | Apr 20 2018, 01:20 PM Post #3 |
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If I can piggyback on and agree with most of what Alex said - Christian STARR and Jace Valentine should be taking lessons in how to be an arrogant douchebag heel from Jay Mora, because you do it almost perfectly. The 'almost' is in the other thing Alex said - you went all in. By not winning the match, there is literally nowhere for you to go on the next show without fundamentally changing who Marksman is. To be the same old arrogant asshole would be to reek of desperation against an opponent you've lost to twice, to be humble and contrite would be very non-Marksman of you. Honestly, I hope you come back. My suggestion, if you are willing to come back, would be to enter into the Golden Intentions match. That gives enough space so that Mora can come back as the guy he was without any real hits to who he is. The other thing I'll say that wasn't really touched on in Alex's post - is that I think part of the issue was the way in which you trashed MJF. Your mileage may vary because I was your opponent, but here's how I look at it, just as an example: MJF accused Mora of paying everyone who's around him to be around him, which I pulled from your prior RPs with the half naked women that Mora alternately sweet talks and talks down to, and the subordinate men that clearly are on his payroll. The implication was that he'd created an alternate reality where he's the man, when the truth was that he was told he was the man because he paid people (essentially) to tell him he's the man. Mora accused MJF of being a holier - than - thou, who hid from the fans and was all talk, but would clearly abandon the CWF the second she hit a roadblock. He called her a placeholder and a worthless champion. Had you won the match, everything MJ said would still have been valid. You didn't win, and therefore most of what Mora said was invalidated. I guess the TL;dr of all of that is that in my opinion (and it's just mine, so take it for what it's worth), the biggest misstep you made was trying to create a narrative starring the opponent you wish you had instead of working around the strengths and weaknesses of the opponent you actually had. Was a blast, though - and I really hope we get to do another thing at another time. |
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