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Feedback for a new character
Topic Started: Mar 22 2018, 01:08 PM (93 Views)
ChefRex
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I know I'm new. this is a character that I've toyed with in a joking manner, had him be the jobber manager for a real character, but I always thought he was interesting and wanted to try him out.

I used to have him do old wrestling promos but insert culinary terms instead of the wrestling ones.

For Example

He did Dusty Rhodes Hard times promo, but complained about his hard limes making key lime pies

He did Chris Jericho's man of a 1002 holds armbar promo, but he was the chef that knew how to cook eggs 102 ways (the pleats on a chef's toque represent the 100 ways to cook eggs- he knew 102)
"Omelettes,
Frittatta
Scrambled
Omelette
Hard boiled
Soft Boiled
Medium Boiled
OMELETTE!"

etc...

But I wanted to take a more serious route with it while also hassling/embracing the "millennium generation" culture that I understand but drives me so crazy sometimes. So I'm trying to make him unlikable but also trying to have him tell the truth, or what he believes to be the truth.

any thoughts on the first RP would be appreciated.

Thanks.



Edited by ChefRex, Mar 22 2018, 01:08 PM.
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Ataxia

I'm gonna be perfectly honest here I sense a little Kurt Angle heel here.

And that's not a bad thing. It's a good thing *owes DDP like five bucks*

That example and also like the indy wrestler whose a liberal southerner is a great example of using culture/counter culture to work for you to get a character over. Everyone knows someone like this, and while they mean well, they tend to get on everyone's last damn nerve. I think it has potential. I definitely see something with you and Ramsey with the whole chef thing as a possibility. You can also pull on face and heel turns easily depending on if someone is mistreating someone by your beliefs or you feel like they aren't treating your beliefs with respect. I definitely like the valet character being the social media manager. It reminds me a lot of Alexandra York (Terri Runnels) with the York Foundation back in early WCW.

I think it has potential but you definitely need to plan how long you wanna go bad guy and when to do switches because this, like the straight edge society or the RTC has a way of wearing itself out if it's not worked out in the long term.

Looking forward to the next round of stuff.
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userpoets
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I'm gonna get the obvious out of the way first - and this is a personal preference, so take it with a grain of salt - the center justification is killing me.

Beyond that, I enjoyed. The ideas are well put forth, the character appears to have a decently enough fleshed out backstory to have those little nuances. I like seeing characters who act like real (if exaggerated) people.

The opening scene where he's talking to the crowd was a little much; the idea of an entire group of stereotypically obnoxious SJW hipsters I had a hard time believing, partly because as someone who practically lived in Brooklyn for several years (before the gentrification really went into overdrive), I never saw these types. I had my little pockets of heavy metal dive bar decadence and local music that was more concerned with music than gender politics. But I also figured, perhaps correctly, perhaps not - that these SJW weirdos were being used intentionally stereotypically to drive home how annoying they can really be, and in that, you succeeded wildly.

I'm looking forward to a lot of good stuff from this character in the future.
Former CWF World Champion x1

Every generation needs a revolution


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TheLostBoys

Am inclined to agree, the centre justification doesn't feel right, though in general some proof reading would be advantageous. I noticed some typos and run off sentences don't really flow, so be mindful of punctuation and grammar.
It's an interesting character we got here and I like the way you have depicted Atticus. It is clear you are very familiar with the culture/counter culture with which provides the context for Atticus. Match-talk was fun and enjoyable.
Definitely have something going for you and I can see this developing into quite a fun and interesting character
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ChefRex
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Thanks for the feedback everyone. I like center justification. I feel it separates dialogue and narration more clearly without color coding. But if it’s a general consensus that it’s less pleasing on the eyes I’ll change it up. I’m not sold on it.

To userpoets- bedstuy is the real hipster gender equality area right now and the hall I used was a real hall where meetings like this are run. Williamsburg and red hook are the big music areas which is where I prefer to be, my band played a lot of shows in those towns that didn’t fit in. We were a punkish band but the music was always progressive techno and electronics we played with.

And proof reading is definitely needed. I was not pleased with my work as far as that goes with this one. I need to slow down.

Thanks everyone.
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userpoets
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I seriously miss Duff's Brooklyn. What's your band's name? If you played in the usual haunts in Williamsburg/Red Hook from 2006 to 2011 there's a decent chance I've seen you play.
Former CWF World Champion x1

Every generation needs a revolution


Buy my book here!
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ChefRex
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The criminal bogies. I doubt you were one of the 100 unique people we played in front of. Usually about 10 people we didn’t know at each show.

We stopped playing in about 05.

My drummers new band barbaric yawp has been playing ever since though.
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userpoets
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Shame.

You ever work with Tim no 37?
Former CWF World Champion x1

Every generation needs a revolution


Buy my book here!
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ChefRex
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Never heard of them.
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The Weaver of Dreams
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Good introductory rp to get a bit of background on the chef, who is an interesting take on someone that is "real" (It feels odd commending people on having characters that are very different from mine, lol). Given that you are new, the match talk was good, it's always a difficult thing when you just start out and you don't know the ins and outs yet.

And I echo the sentiment of the center justification making it hard to read. To me it does not separate the dialogue and other text any better, because you constantly are being drawn to the middle instead.
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