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"A Moment of Clarity" Feedback Thread
Topic Started: Mar 8 2018, 02:05 AM (50 Views)
Jace Valentine
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Feedback me moar.
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It's Jace Valentine's world, and you're just living in it.

A CWF Triple Crown Champion -- Former Paramount, World Heavyweight (2x) and Academy Championships
A Two-Time "CWF's Superstar of the Month" -- October 2017, November 2017
2017 Co-Superstar of the Year


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TheLostBoys

First off, I am so glad we get this deep look inside Jace's mind and how he will cope (or not) with the consequences of his decisions and actions.
I think building on this would be a great way to develop Jace's character.
Though I do admit I haven't managed to follow along with everything going on I do like what's happening here.

Noticed a couple of typos, but nothing major that detracts from the writing or the flow.
In my personal opinion the dissolution of the conversation between Sunset and Jace seemed a bit rushed, to me the pacing was a bit off and could have progressed a bit more. Perhaps Sunset trying to negotiate and convince Jace more before getting aggressive.
If he valued Jace so much I don't think he would have gone straight for the jugular at the first sign of dissension. Perhaps I have the wrong image of Sunset in my mind, but I would have figured him a bit more manipulative and conniving as the supposed leader of this cult-like group.

It makes sense that Jace would take some time off, and this explains it fairly well, the almighty Jace has been humbled and forced to accept his mortality and culpability. A great way to work in a possible face turn and I'll be keen to see what happens with Jace, where he goes from here.
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Freddie Styles
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THe introspective, stripped down to the bare essentials Jace. It makes good sense to show this side of him after the whirlwind that he's been on the last few weeks. It's a good restart to go off of. I look forward to seeing where Jace goes from here
Death is on the tip of her tongue and danger's at the tip of her fingers

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It's better to be a first-rate version of yourself than a second-rate version of somebody else
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The Weaver of Dreams
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After everything that happened at Modern Warfare and Jace spiraling into Sahn-induced madness, this piece was a very, very sombre look into the inner core of Jace, the "real" Jace. It shows that Sahn has not completely taken over and that he is not fully corrupted by Sunset and the Institute.

It is a very haunting piece at the beginning and the turns into outright defiance when faced with Buddy, really opening the character and the story to go pretty much any which way. Will he complete his face turn, will he succumb to Sahn in the end and come back into the fold of the Institute or will be go into a completely different direction? After this rp I just want to know and that's the best way to have it. Have the reader at the edge of the seat and then just leave the carrot dangling.

Very intriguing and cliffhanger-y. Enjoyed this one a lot!
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ChristianSTARR
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I'm still trying to make sense of all the Institute, Academy stuff but I really enjoy your writing. This was a nice way to bring Jace back down to earth after his less than sane actions at Confliction. It's not hard to see why you are the former champ.

Only thing was the lack of any match talk, but I have a feeling this is more of story building week for you so I understand that situation. Good work.
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THE FORMER PARAMOUNT CHAMPION
Break-Out Superstar - Confliction Block 2018
Champion of the Block - Unhinged Block 2018
Superstar of the Block [Tied] - Unhinged Block 2018


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