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| Feedback Please | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 6 2018, 09:31 PM (124 Views) | |
| PlayerOne | Mar 6 2018, 09:31 PM Post #1 |
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I am trying something quite different with the Impakt character and story and would very much appreciate some feedback |
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| The Weaver of Dreams | Mar 9 2018, 11:49 PM Post #2 |
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First ever rp, first impression. I like that you give a nice glimpse into the past of Impakt and what drove him to start and then the frustration of Elijah not letting him go in the ring and him eventually leaving. I know that the battle of the Academy threw a bit of a wrench into your plans, but I think you made a great recovery returning just after it happened. Plus you managed to spin it with what had happened between leaving the Academy and coming back. The match talk was very nice and on point, obviously despite it being a brand new character it helps that you've been around for a while, lol. Well thought out and giving each opponent an equal share of the love. The final part adds just the right amount of emotion and makes you wonder, if Celia might not become a recurring character ![]() Overall it is a solid start, even though I personally prefer the Lost Boys, but those two are a one of a kind thing and we only are starting to get to know Impakt. |
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| PlayerOne | Mar 25 2018, 12:36 AM Post #3 |
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May follow the trend and maintain just one thread for feedback. Took me a while to work myself up to my rp and as I've mentioned this character is a bit different, bit more of a challenge, so I'd love to get overall thoughts on current rps and the character in general etc. Also just to clarify, I also handle the Lost Boys so any feedback given under that account is me (so people don't think I'm asking for feedback without giving it) |
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| userpoets | Mar 25 2018, 07:47 AM Post #4 |
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Very interesting character, and I actually enjoyed ready player one so I support that. I think this guy could make it. Looking forward to seeing where things go. |
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Former CWF World Champion x1 Every generation needs a revolution Buy my book here! | |
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| The Weaver of Dreams | Mar 25 2018, 10:03 AM Post #5 |
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Despite your early troubles the rp turned out really well. We are getting a very good insight into the past and what set things into motion, then the interview was nicely done (and I really liked the little added detail of the suit/mask being out for cleaning) and the match talk was on point ![]() For the character overall, it is a very fresh breath of air in a day and age, where many people in different feds try the true and tested. While obviously all the pop culture and gaming related things are completely lost on me, it is this vibe that draws me in and the character feels genuine. It feels relatable, which is a big plus. |
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| Marksman | Mar 29 2018, 11:31 AM Post #6 |
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Hey just read your paramount title match rp. I like the character, I like the promos you do. One thing I've noticed reading yours and this is just me and maybe im picky but reading the description sometimes throws me off due to your spacing. It seems like you hit enter to start a new paragraph but its not spaced that way. That's just me though for readability and again maybe im just picky. |
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| PlayerOne | Mar 29 2018, 08:42 PM Post #7 |
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That could be when it comes to the coding, the end tag of the code is 'entered' but not the actual text. Will keep an eye on that |
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| PlayerOne | Apr 5 2018, 06:11 AM Post #8 |
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Bumping for the ppv rp feedback |
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| userpoets | Apr 9 2018, 10:59 AM Post #9 |
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I really liked this one. We got a good glimpse into Impakt's head and where he stands - he's looking for someone else 'real' in the CWF, and he's hoping to find it. Literally the only issues I had with these RPs were the big blocks of text. Separating out the different ideas would make it easier (for me, at least) to read. |
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Former CWF World Champion x1 Every generation needs a revolution Buy my book here! | |
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| The Weaver of Dreams | Apr 20 2018, 12:24 PM Post #10 |
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As usual, I love how you bring in some back story at first and then jump into the here and now. This way we gradually get to know how everything came to be, like Starr, this is done really well. Also as usual most gaming references go right over my head, but that's just me, no complaint, I like it when a character gets fleshed out and relevant within its universe. The little story with Emon was funny and fits within the storyline of Starr just being cocky, leading into the other new and very intriguing storyline of Impakt/Zach being followed, can't wait to see what comes from that! Match talk was solid, it's always hard to rp against multiple opponents and exponentially so, if you face the same in a short amount of time, it makes it difficult not to repeat yourself, but at the same time still be able to get something hard hitting on each of them and I know only too well that some characters are hard to rp against one, let alone twice... I think that whatever the match talk may have been lacking was made more difficult by you already having faced them. So as conclusion, I'm eager to get more of Zach's back story and see where that new thread leads
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| Caledonia | Apr 21 2018, 06:37 PM Post #11 |
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Delayed feedback here, but I’ve been promising to give for ages and not delivering lol. So. I’m going to start by echoing the above points. The origin story is fun, it makes sense with the character’s motivations and such, and I feel like we know Impakt a little better at the end of it. I’m enjoying the Deadpool parallels particularly, it’s a nice bit of extra humor. And the choice of Akihabara as a setting is an excellent use of the location of the show. The big changes I would suggest are in paragraphing. Much like what I said to Jazz over in the other feedback thread, this may just be a personal stylistic choice, so feel free to ignore it, but I feel like the match talk would be better broken into several smaller paragraphs. Having a line space between paragraphs in particular helps separate the points, makes it feel like you’re addressing each of your opponents rather than just having one big block. It would even help to have some more descriptions of either Impakt/Zach’s movements, or his surroundings. Perhaps the cosplay stuff could have been spaced through? Aside from that, this was a good piece. Good humor, solid match talk (given the fairly difficult circumstances of, as you put it, a multiplayer game). The character is coming along well. |
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