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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 6 2018, 08:57 PM (167 Views) | |
| TheRealDC | Mar 6 2018, 08:57 PM Post #1 |
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http://s6.zetaboards.com/CWF_Wrestling_Forums/topic/10031552/1/#new Asking for some feedback, would like some. I’ve let people know ahead of time I will be out most of Wed, and all of Thursday/Friday, so I will either get to your RPs as soon as I can, or payback in full the week after. Thanks in advance. |
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| TheLostBoys | Mar 9 2018, 01:00 AM Post #2 |
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The opening interaction with Cali, DC and Eli got me chuckling from the get go. A nice, interesting way to get a look into the mindset )and morality) of the character. In general the interplay between the characters is amusing but also feel legitimate. Now when I first saw the Chrono Trigger and Chrono Cross mentions I marked out a little (bit of a fan of the games here), but I wasn't entirely sure what you were referring to or meaning with those comments. Had me a bit confused. Which to me is kind of how I read your match-talk. In some parts it was really good, brutal and to the point. Other times I wasn't sure where exactly you were going, some even feeling like they were pop-culture references for the sake of the references. I fully accept however that there may be something I misunderstood or just missed entirely. Overall I enjoy the he no-holds barred and arrogant character you are writing, and for the most part that comes across well in both DC's dialogue and in how you write the character. There is also mostly a good flow to your writing, it's just those instances where you seem to go too far a-field in your match talk. I'll be keen to see where you go with DC And welcome to CWF!! Edited by TheLostBoys, Mar 9 2018, 01:01 AM.
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| The Weaver of Dreams | Mar 10 2018, 12:06 AM Post #3 |
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I know how hard it is to write a first roleplay in a fed you don't know the characters, the feel and the dynamics of, but I really liked your rp. Starting off with the research on Elisha/Choronzon on the Tube and the ensuing hilarious discussion concerning the monkey sacrifice and anything DC has done to humans before. Even though it goes on for quite a while, it is immensely entertaining. The match talk also is very entertaining, I liked all the variations of the names, since I constantly (and consciously) do this myself, it struck a chord with me, haha. It was great that you managed to get a very decent amount of text on each of the competitors! For a first gig, I must say, I really enjoyed reading it and can't wait to see what you'll be capable of once you're fully settled in! |
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| ChristianSTARR | Mar 10 2018, 09:27 AM Post #4 |
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BOOOO! YOU SUCK! But seriously, you.showed me bits and pieces of this over the day or two you were working on it and I told you how much I liked it then. D.C. and Eli's banter is as hilarious as it has always been and I like the new direction you're taking with Cali. You and I both know it's not your strongest showing but still solid and all around a great RP for your first week here. Glad to have you in the mix my old friend. |
![]() ![]() THE FORMER PARAMOUNT CHAMPION Break-Out Superstar - Confliction Block 2018 Champion of the Block - Unhinged Block 2018 Superstar of the Block [Tied] - Unhinged Block 2018 | |
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| Elisha | Mar 17 2018, 02:00 AM Post #5 |
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Liked this piece a lot, only wish I'd been more with it that week to be able to respond. I really liked the bit where they're freaking out over the Chosen's animal sacrifice. The back and forth between the characters was solid and did a lot to establish their relationship, and helped both develop the characters and build the match at once. Match talk was solid all round, gave a good insight into the opponents. Liked it, looking forward to more
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Prick your finger, it is done The moon has now eclipsed the sun The angel has spread its wings The time has come for bitter things... | |
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| TheRealDC | Mar 18 2018, 06:59 AM Post #6 |
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..::Checking In...::.. http://s6.zetaboards.com/CWF_Wrestling_Forums/topic/10032241/1/#new Instead of making a new one each week, I’m gonna try to just make this my official feedback thread. Update when a new one goes up, or bump it for that nostalgic terminology. |
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| userpoets | Mar 18 2018, 04:40 PM Post #7 |
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Opening paragraph is very American Psycho. "Before Eli can open the trunk the trio is approached by two robbed and turban wearing porters" - Who robbed them? Things like that are nitpicky but they do take me out of the post because it's clearly not what's supposed to be there. Will refrain from pointing out any other typo I might see, because my feelings are the same. I realize it's part of the sport but I'm never a fan of wrestlers talking shit to the interviewers or commentators or announcers or other NPCs that belong to everyone. There's no payoff, there's no retaliation - it reads like a "cheap heat" kind of way to show off your characters as badasses. Now, with your trio of dysfunctional weirdos it sort of works, but I'm not a fan of the concept as a whole. Promo part was good stuff, you cut to the core of everyone's strengths and weaknesses in the match, and managed to be a massively character-consistent dick in the process. Overall this was a strong promo. |
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Former CWF World Champion x1 Every generation needs a revolution Buy my book here! | |
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| The Weaver of Dreams | Mar 20 2018, 01:57 PM Post #8 |
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I second Pete, the promo as excellent and really put your character over as a giant asshole, including how you dealt with poor Tara, you made it very clear that you do not care and that you have your own path all mapped out and have on interest in diverging from it. I liked the story and dialogue between the three characters, was spot on last week and is great again this week as well, but there are quite a few typos in there, which make it feel rushed at least to a point. But that aside, good balance between story and match talk and especially with the exit from the battle royale and then the scathing promo segment after, can't wait to read more! |
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| TheRealDC | Mar 24 2018, 09:06 PM Post #9 |
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http://s6.zetaboards.com/CWF_Wrestling_Forums/topic/10033330/1/#new Asking for any feedback. I know I got a lot of ground to make up when it comes to feedbacking others. I’ll try to make up for it. |
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| TheLostBoys | Mar 25 2018, 01:19 AM Post #10 |
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DC has the potential to over throw Jace as the dude we all love to hate. His character is just pure, heel gold. When all the girls were introduced I got a little tripped up trying to figure out who was who and what was going on and some of the dialogue in that section seemed to drag and felt a bit like waffle sorry to say, at least as far as I saw it. But then you hit hard with your match-talk, making up for it. I like how DC knows he's an asshole, not pretending otherwise and just takes that ball and runs with it. It feels like a fresh-take on the heel angle. The way in which DC dresses down Dorian and picks him apart is very well written. Very captivating. I hope to see more and learn more about DC, his history and his driving forces as time progresses as I just really enjoy the character. Keep it up! |
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