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Seeking Feedback on my RP and the Invasion
Topic Started: Mar 1 2018, 12:18 PM (81 Views)
Caledonia

The four-and-a-half-part Invasion of the Academy was one of the most ambitious projects I’ve ever been involved in, and I’m curious what people thought of it.

And, of course, what people thought of my RP, Prepare For Battle.

Will try to get reciprocal feedback up but unfortunately can’t make any promises; real life has kept me consistently busy of late.
CWF’s Current World Champion
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The Weaver of Dreams
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It was a riveting read for sure and it really put the reader right into the thick of things. The whole angle could be a TV series and have people glued to the screen. I liked the inner workings of how Caledonia perceived how things unfolded and how it affected her on a personal level, nicely showing her inner struggle with what was happening and what she had to do, which was very well portrayed. The settings were very well established to give the reader a good mental image of what was happening, which to me is very important, because it enables you to really picture the action and also the turmoil of emotions. Very, very well done!

Only criticism would be that it overshadows the match talk quite a bit. Now I understand that the story is huge and highly ambitious, but there's just that kind of "shadow" (no pun intended) over it.

Oh, and the one loose end that I couldn't find a, well, end for is, what happened with Flame in the end?
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J-Dub

So just as a reminder, my feedback is strictly based off of the writing, as I am not up to date on all of the storylines currently in play.

The first thing that stuck out to me was the use of "I", instead of writing as a narrator, you are telling the story from the point of the character as the character telling the story, with is new for me, but refreshing as it stands out for me. Just based off this RP (and the fact you're currently tag champion) the exchange between the characters were well done. Nothing seemed too forced, and I use that lightly as I always feel everything in writing has a level of "forced" conversations to arrive at an arch. I don't know who the institute is yet, but they seem like a bag of assholes. I do like how you use the traditional American Novel structure for your RPs. If I had to make any suggestions, completely off personal preference, is be consistent with the details. You have great peppering of details of actions and the scene itself, but others could have used that palate cleansing to create the emotion throughout, and giving the location a character feel as well. Again personal of course. Overall it was a good read, with a good flow.

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Jace Valentine
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The Invasion of the Academy stuff was fun. 10/10 would do again.

I, too, am interested in hearing some opinions on how that all turned out.

As for the RP, strong work. I felt it really worked well with everything else going on. We got strong emotion from Caledonia, we got strong interactions between her and the other characters. Really well done. The one thing I wasn't super happy about as the arrow through the head stuff, and all the gunfire etc. In a sense, I felt like maybe it was too "over the top" for a wrestling show. People being killed on live TV, etc, it creates that suspension of disbelief, where we are really pushing the line between "wrestling show" and some comedic action movie of sorts. Which, for my part, I kind of just took that and ran with it... so maybe I shouldn't be the one bringing that up but here I am :P
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It's Jace Valentine's world, and you're just living in it.

A CWF Triple Crown Champion -- Former Paramount, World Heavyweight (2x) and Academy Championships
A Two-Time "CWF's Superstar of the Month" -- October 2017, November 2017
2017 Co-Superstar of the Year


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