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PP RP Feedback
Topic Started: Feb 28 2018, 03:03 AM (49 Views)
TheLostBoys

Sorry folks, been a bit out of CWF writing and the like lately, so not as active with feedback etc.
Has been a bit of a struggle to find the drive to write.
Would like some feedback on my ppv post and I hope this pushes me to get back into the groove
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The Weaver of Dreams
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I really liked it. Now I've liked all of your work with the Lost Boys, but this one pushes it even more. You always have managed to really build the characters through each piece, be it CD or RP and you are taking them to newly found emotional depths here.

In the past the interaction between Dean and Sam had really been exemplary in how you can use the two characters from a tag team and bounce things off each other and develop this immediate rapport that you can connect with.

Here you explore both the inner family workings on both sides and through that manage to highlight the bond that Dean and Sam have developed between each other, making you feel for both and it is easy to picture them on the camera.

Also the match talk was nice and on point and it was not drowned out by the CD, which can happen at times, especially if you had faced the same team several times before.

I always have looked forward to your posts and that has not changed one bit :)
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ChristianSTARR
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I enjoyed your work and I like how you give people who may not be familiar with Australian slang the definitions of certain phrases as it helps to understand the reading. The only issues I saw were a few formatting issues but that happens to the best of us.

I like the development on both men's families. And the match talk was done well. I can only wish you the best of luck in your tag match and hope someday we'll get to work together.

Well done.
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THE FORMER PARAMOUNT CHAMPION
Break-Out Superstar - Confliction Block 2018
Champion of the Block - Unhinged Block 2018
Superstar of the Block [Tied] - Unhinged Block 2018


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Jace Valentine
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Quote:
 
It was a call from Dean’s younger brother, Thomas, someone he hadn’t heard from, or seen, in years. Not since his decision to choose his own path and become a wrestler. A decision that had alienated himself from his father, and by extension his family.
A feeling of ill omen crept over Dean.

“Anthony. It’s mum…She’s….She’s had to go to hospital…”


This part threw me off a bit. Who is Anthony? That is Dean's "real" name, then?

And I get a little further and ah, yes, that is explained. Carry on. :P

The dynamic of dysfunction between the two really works here and makes an interesting introduction to the piece to draw the reader in. The family dynamics also bring a level of realism and backstory to the characters, expanding on their "world" very well.

The Australian slang is on point throughout, and really has become a defining characteristic of your writing that I look forward to every time I click that link. There is emotion here and it makes me want to keep reading.

A promo that is actually an honest-to-god in studio promo...interesting concept these days. :P

A few coding/typo issues here and there, but nothing stands out as particularly offensive. The match talk was fine, borderline good, but I find myself really wanting to see Sam and Dean let loose and "cut deep". Some real seething degradation of their opponents. Typically, I feel like we see some comedic relief in those portions of your work and while that suits you and it is well done, I would perhaps like to see you mix it up a bit in that regard.
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It's Jace Valentine's world, and you're just living in it.

A CWF Triple Crown Champion -- Former Paramount, World Heavyweight (2x) and Academy Championships
A Two-Time "CWF's Superstar of the Month" -- October 2017, November 2017
2017 Co-Superstar of the Year


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