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| Requesting feedback for "At the Gallow's End" | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 19 2018, 05:06 PM (93 Views) | |
| The Weaver of Dreams | Feb 19 2018, 05:06 PM Post #1 |
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Hi all, I'd hope to be getting some feedback on my new rp At the Gallow's End, please, hoping to get a little more than last time, lol. Thanks! |
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| TheLostBoys | Feb 19 2018, 09:17 PM Post #2 |
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Love it! A very evocative and gripping start dripping with the visuals. I enjoyed the intrigue and mystery, almost expecting someone grander or more important then who it was revealed to be (Or is it...hm...) The middle section doesn't exactly jump out, but is the continuation of Shadow and his Druids efforts against the Institute, keeps it present and relevant. As I think of it I've noticed this arc has kind of detracted from the original image of the Shadow, though still contains many references to Demonology and his origins it's not quite the same. The thing that really got me of course is the match-talk. Intelligent, insightful and packing quite a hefty punch. Almost clinical dissection Elisha and I enjoyed practically every sentence. It's obvious the importance of this match for both you the writer and the character lol. Looking forward to the match and have enjoyed this angle. Elisha's got some work ahead of them. |
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| ChristianSTARR | Feb 27 2018, 11:23 PM Post #3 |
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You sir are an inspiration, I haven't been around for long but your character reminds me a lot of an old character that used to be in one of my old feds and I've always enjoyed the darker sort of characters. You did a great job of summing up a good chunk of your rivalry with Elisha even for someone still pretty new like myself. I didn't feel lost too often and when I did I felt like it was meant to be somewhat vague. The only negatives I saw were a few minor spelling and grammar errors but nothing too serious at all. I'm starting to get a good feel for your character and I've been liking what I've read so far. Keep up the good work. |
![]() ![]() THE FORMER PARAMOUNT CHAMPION Break-Out Superstar - Confliction Block 2018 Champion of the Block - Unhinged Block 2018 Superstar of the Block [Tied] - Unhinged Block 2018 | |
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| Jace Valentine | Mar 4 2018, 08:50 PM Post #4 |
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This was a really solid piece of work, and it is evident that a lot of time and effort was put into carefully crafting it from start to finish. I personally am a fan of using song lyrics and relating them to a piece. With that said, any criticism I would have is that the opening scene is a bit too vague and beyond the lyrics and the visuals...nothing is really happening. The second scene with the druids is interesting. Well written throughout and an impressive reminder of how seamlessly you've integrated yourself into a storyline that started here before you did. At times I question the relevancy of what this means in connection to everything else, again, perhaps a bit too vague but nothing crippling. The match talk is outstanding. Top notch work and by far the highlight of this piece. Dissection, character assassination. Visuals and raw emotion, it had it all. Good work overall. |
![]() It's Jace Valentine's world, and you're just living in it. A CWF Triple Crown Champion -- Former Paramount, World Heavyweight (2x) and Academy Championships A Two-Time "CWF's Superstar of the Month" -- October 2017, November 2017 2017 Co-Superstar of the Year | |
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| Freddie Styles | Mar 4 2018, 09:33 PM Post #5 |
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You took on the mystique of Elisha and basically smashed what was lefto f it in this post. Your scenes are almost always set beautifully, and this one is no exception. You tell your story and describe it where someone can feel like they're almost in it. Your match talk hit the right notes, and you weaved between that and your story very well. Overall, a great RP |
Death is on the tip of her tongue and danger's at the tip of her fingers![]() It's better to be a first-rate version of yourself than a second-rate version of somebody else | |
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| The Weaver of Dreams | Mar 5 2018, 10:37 AM Post #6 |
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Thank you all! And Ronnie, yes, I try to set my scenes in a way that the reader is able to picture what I see when I write the roleplay, I figure that it's the only way the reader is able to get the whole experience. And John, the opening scene was not meant to have much happening, it was almost purely for atmosphere and symbolism
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