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| An Amazing Return; Billy Anderson | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 3 2018, 02:41 AM (27 Views) | |
| AmbroseRollinsFan | Feb 3 2018, 02:41 AM Post #1 |
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http://s6.zetaboards.com/CWF_Wrestling_Forums/topic/10029590/1/#new ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am not really sure about Billy's promo at all |
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| The Weaver of Dreams | Feb 3 2018, 02:58 PM Post #2 |
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Definitely a step forward, I would say. Right from the get go, far less run-on sentences and it immediately is a far easier read. You have both characters in it, there is a little interaction, so yes, definitely improvement. It gives you so many more options to build up things, because you can showcase their different personalities so much better than just by saying I am or he is the crazier character or whatever. It makes it more believable to see them react to things, but you have to have more interaction for this to bear better fruits, like dialogue or a description of how differently they react to a certain situation (like the one that Dan had suggested in a bar people badmouthing country, for example). Unfortunately good parts still keep feel like the same cookie cutter stuff all over and while you at least mentions the Lost Boys going against America, there still is no elaboration, no distinction of your opponents. What I mean with that is that most parts of your roleplays (and not just this one) are almost interchangeable regardless of the opponent, because you don't touch on who you are fighting against enough. You did mention them being against America, but there have been several other things you could have touched on, such as their recent alignment with Silas Artoria and Autumn Raven or them coming in and laying into Caledonia and Eris, so there are a lot of missed opportunities to build on that, which is something that in CWF right now you pretty much have to do to have a real chance to win a match. If you had more meat like above, then one whole paragraph just about their attire could work, but here it is the longest paragraph of the whole roleplay, which is too much. Also try to avoid the use of "you two" too often, use the wrestlers' names or the name of the tag team instead, makes it more directed at the opponents directly. |
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