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| Feedback on Silas Artoria | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 14 2017, 08:05 PM (215 Views) | |
| LHudson | Dec 14 2017, 08:05 PM Post #1 |
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So I want to improve my character writing and wanted some general character feedback. What do you think? What do you want to see? What sticks out like a sore thumb? |
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| Caledonia | Dec 14 2017, 08:26 PM Post #2 |
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Alright, so- You write well. As in, prose and everything is good. And I’m fairly intrigued by the idea that your character is actually that, a character, a persona. Trouble is, this isn’t fully explored. I’ll be honest - until I read this week’s piece, and doubled back to look at your bio, I didn’t even know that Silas wasn’t “real”, if that makes sense (unless I’m missing something?). My understanding, and please feel free to correct me, is that Silas (and the Bloodletter within) are an act put on by Brendan Fairwater, and once the show ends he leaves the characters behind. Part of the problem is the brevity of your RPs - that isn’t a problem by itself but it doesn’t lend itself well to character development, especially if it’s mostly just promos. Not that you need to crank out 4000-word monstrosities every week, but the additional power of just one or two scenes is considerable. For my own part I would enjoy seeing more development of Brendan as well as just Silas - the idea of someone under “efed kayfabe”, so to speak, actually being more like real wrestling kayfabe, has potential, but in this case it isn’t fully tapped. As an example, it’d be interesting to see Brendan walking down the street or going to a bar or something, and being accosted by someone who doesn’t “get” that he’s not really an aristocratic asshole, but just a guy playing a character on a show. |
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| The Weaver of Dreams | Dec 14 2017, 09:41 PM Post #3 |
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I really like your character development with the vessel and passenger and how the whole thing deteriorated into an internal conflict. ![]() What I do not like so much is two things in the matches you have written so far. For one, there are passages that read awkward and disrupt the flow and the other is the sheer length of them. I am pretty patient, but especially the last felt like it took forever... |
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| TheLostBoys | Dec 16 2017, 12:36 AM Post #4 |
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Definitely find ways to explore each persona, give us reasons for their (continued existence), how they came about etc. Similar to what I said about the Shadow, the more we know about a character (but don't always rush to reveal EVERYTHING straight away) the more we can engage and relate to them and therefore the writing in general. How would each persona function in society? What is the co-dependent relationship between them? etc Split personalities is a bit of a common path in e-fedding but as mentioned you write it well and make it interesting. |
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| LHudson | Dec 22 2017, 08:58 AM Post #5 |
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So I've put some of you guys' notes into my recent RP. Improvement? Anything missing? Anything needed to enhance it's quality? |
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| J. Rish | Dec 22 2017, 09:40 AM Post #6 |
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Administrator
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Well as I skim through the comments on the CWF facebook chat last night, it seems everyone on there really quite enjoyed it. I know that doesn't tell you much as far as a critique is concerned, but I figured I would share that information with you anyway.
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| Deleted User | Dec 23 2017, 09:58 AM Post #7 |
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Deleted User
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Woah Silas you have improved waaaay more than what you use write before. I loved it. You are heading in the right direction. I would say to go more in depth with both in-ring character and outside the fed character. But still wow. That was really good. |
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| LHudson | Jan 6 2018, 05:41 PM Post #8 |
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So....yeah, got a new one out
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| TheLostBoys | Jan 6 2018, 06:07 PM Post #9 |
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I enjoyed it, the ending teaser was particularly a nice touch. Got to see a bit more of what makes Silas tick and a nice explanation of the team up with Autumn and Silas. I feel you may have focused too much on Marksman as the third wheel then your opponents when it came to match-talk. What you had was good, well thought out and made sense. Just seemed like you could have done more, especially since your building up to this whole new goal for Silas and Autumn. How does that play into this match? That sort of thing. Enjoyable regardless and I do like the way how you play between Vessel and Passenger Well done ![]() |
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| LHudson | Jan 12 2018, 05:59 PM Post #10 |
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Noted, and added it in this weeks post ^.^ |
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| The Weaver of Dreams | Jan 12 2018, 07:58 PM Post #11 |
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I must say, I am impressed. Your character development is dense, it is interesting and it wants me to read more of it to see, where you are going with it, which is perfect for the CD. The trash talk could have seen a little more depth, but was still good. The only part I do/did not see why it was there for (like last week) is the match talk from Japan, so unless will lead to something in the future, it is a what feels lukewarm opening that people are likely to skip in future editions unless they will see a benefit from reading them. |
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| LHudson | Feb 10 2018, 08:11 PM Post #12 |
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So.....thoughts? |
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| LHudson | Mar 18 2018, 04:10 PM Post #13 |
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Bumping because I can't be arsed To create a new thread :3 Any thoughts on the latest RP? Improvements need to be made? |
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| The Weaver of Dreams | Mar 20 2018, 01:41 PM Post #14 |
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I really liked your rp, the wheat field dream, while short, had great depth and really intrigued me from the start. The team meeting was well executed and really was telling a story, a bit like a movie scene that furthered the events in the past and set the trail for the future. I also really enjoyed flashback story to Ito and it gave a very good insight into why it meant so much to Silas to actually win that match. The match talk was not bad, but given the richness of the rest of the story and backstory around it, it felt as if you could have gone a bit further, elaborated a little more. Like I said, it was not bad, but at the same time it paled in comparison to the rest of the rp. |
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