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| Gotta Start Over; Roid Rogers' Story | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 1 2017, 02:05 PM (25 Views) | |
| Roid Rogers | Dec 1 2017, 02:05 PM Post #1 |
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“I don’t think this is a good idea, Ernesto.” Said Ursula Mustache in her typical raspy shriek. She was the matriarch of the family, and made most of the decisions, but was always dependent on her husband and sons to make the money that she was able to spend humbly to support their family. Though they had made decent investments and were never overtly extravagant with their money, they had hit some financial hard times. “I’ve spend half my gawd damned life dealing with ya gawd damn wrestling and then I had to watch my sons fawking wrestle too and what happened to them, Ernesto? Huh? They broke their gawd damned penises, that’s what happened!” “They broke them training, not wrestling, brother.” Ernesto replied, not helping his argument. “I don’t care if they broke them having sex with those fawkin’ ring rats, it’s still because of fawking wrestling that they got injured and now we gotta take care of those two assholes.” “Well they’ve been taking care of us for the past 10 years…” “And we took care of them for the 20 years before that. It was our turn, Ernesto. And I REFUSE to let you step back into that ring and put your body on the line because I can’t rely on our butler Tinder Maballs to please me sexually the way that you do on a tri-daily basis.” “Tinder works wonders on your privates, brother. And I’ve always done what’s best for the Mustache Family, brother. And in this case what’s best is me lacing up the old yellow and reds and stepping into the squared circle and winning one last championship to get that one last paycheck that will give us the retirement that we deserve. I have put you through a lot, brother. That’s why I’m putting you through this one last time. One last time then it can be me, and you, and Tinder, and Ulysses, and Biff and buff on our own private island having as much anonymous sex that we could possibly have.” “How can we have anonymous sex when we’re on our own private island, ya fawkin’ douchebag.” “That’s your job to figure out, brotha. And it’s my job to give you the money to help figure it out. Now I gotta run, I’ve got some interviews coming up to try and get a new job.” Ernesto kissed his wife on her neck and started groping at her sagging breasts as she woefully moaned and grabbed his ass. Upon release it’s revealed that the two were completely naked the whole time and they just had gross old person sex. Roid Rogers then laced up the yellow and reds and headed off to get a job. |
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| Roid Rogers | Dec 1 2017, 05:21 PM Post #2 |
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Ernesto Mustache got in his 1989 Jalopie Convertible and put the top down as he has done with countless ring rats during his time in the ring. He turned on his favorite song, “The Final Countdown” by Europe and blasted it through his outdated stereo system. He put on his sunglasses and hiked up his yellow trunks before putting the car in gear. ”Hey, Pops… wait up!” he heard before setting sail. He looked over and saw his youngest son Biff come running out in his mustachioed glory. The youngest of the Mustache brothers could only grow a smattering of a mustache, but he was proud of it nonetheless. What he lacked in facial hair he more than made up for in catch as catch can style wrestling submission maneuvers. Ernesto waited as the boy limped out to the car, “He son… how’s your penis?” Papa asked. This was not an uncommon question in the family, but this time it was more pertinent than ever. Poor Biff Mustache was vying to break his father’s record of 203 penis pushups in 2 minutes and in training bent it. It was of course naturally curved upwards as Papa Stache had much experience seeing, but now it was bent upwards and to the left, and the cast covering his crotch left little to the imagination. “It’s ok.” Biff glumly replied. “I’ve only been able to masturbate 3 times today so far.” It was 8 in the morning. “Biff… be honest. Did you ejaculate?” Papa asked disapprovingly. “No… I just peed on myself.” “And what do we call it when you masturbate and just pee on yourself?” “Peejaculation.” “And is that really masturbating?” “No, Papa.” They’ve been having this same conversation since the first time Biff whipped out his Jolly Roger at Thanksgiving dinner in 1997 after watching the Montreal Screwjob… which is a porno starring Bret “Hit That” Ass and Shawna Michaels. Biff looked down defeated. Ernesto hated doing this to his son, but he was 32 years old for Christ’s sake. It was time to learn how to masturbate correctly, but most importantly not lie about it. He had never taught his children to be the most philanthropic nor down to earth people. He never instilled moral values or common decency… but the one thing he always preached was always to tell the truth. In fact it was one of the Roidmandments. Say my name. Take your Roids. Drink your Protein. Tell the truth. Believe in yourself and believe in Roidmania, brother. “Hey Biff…” Ernesto started as his son slyly lifted his head up. “You wanna come with me t…” “YES!” Biff exclaimed and opened a hatch on the front of his cast that he had inserted and started going to town on himself. Papa laughed, dropped his drawers and did the same to himself. And the Patriarch and the youngest of the Mustache family masturbated… Together. |
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