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Star Wars; May The Thread Be With You
Topic Started: Nov 27 2007, 05:34 PM (9,585 Views)
Dark Lord
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The Lord Of Darkness
From NineMSN.com.au

Jedi fanatics pray to Ford
Tuesday Nov 27 06:00 AEDT
By ninemsn staff

Harrison Ford claims he is being constantly bothered by Star Wars fans, who pray to him as the leader of the "Jediism" religion.

Ford, well known for his performances as the space pilot Han Solo in the science-fiction film series, said the film fanatics prayed to him at the doorstep of his Wyoming home.

"It's flattering, but I can't accept their prayers," he told Associated Press.

Star Wars, which first appeared in the 1970s, became a pop culture phenomenon and inspired the so-called "Jediism" religion.

But in an ironic twist, Harrison Ford revealed in 2006 that he wanted to kill off intergalactic rogue Han Solo in Return of the Jedi, the series' concluding film.

"I did think the character itself was relatively thin. I would have liked to see some complication for the character; the only complication I didn't get was to die at the end of the third one," he said.

"I thought that would have given the whole film a bottom, but I couldn't talk George into it."

Meanwhile, the 65-year-old has claimed another award, which could see him swamped by archaeology extremists.

Harrison Ford's character Indiana Jones has been named the greatest hero of all time, in Total Film magazine's list of 50 best movie heroes and villains.

Star Wars villain Darth Vader came second in the villains list, behind Batman's arch nemesis The Joker.

The star — who dates former Ally McBeal star Calista Flockhart — has admitted he does not enjoy his celebrity status.

"Celebrity is a pain in the ass. I think the loss of anonymity is the greatest trade you make," he told Empire magazine.

"There's no way to imagine what the loss of anonymity will do to your life until you try it."

Fucking nerds. Don't get me wrong, I'm a Star Wars geek, but these fuckwits give us a bad name.
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"There's an old saying in Tennessee, I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee, that says, fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me... you can't get fooled again." - Oscar Wilde

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Darryl The Hitman
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The Doctor Is In
I haven't seen much of Harrison's work but he always gives a solid performance, I think.
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Quadruple Tree
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I ain't got a gat, but I got a soldering gun.
White And Nerdy
Yes, he does.
Compassion! Courtesy! Let's be really FUCKING polite to everyone!!!

Pepper: Well, Quadruple Tree has done it. He’s officially broken wrestling.

Sliding headfirst down a vagina with no clothes on and landing in the freshly shaven crotch of a screaming woman did not seem to be part of God's plan for me.

--George Carlin
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Darryl The Hitman
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The Doctor Is In
The following 3 articles are from http://www.backofthehead.com

Nerd Alert!
April 19, 2005

Luke and Leia

Sucks to be those two kids. From the moment they were born, their destiny was to kill their father. That's shitty. They were each other's only family but were separated at birth, raised on separate planets and never knew each other growing up. When they met by confluence of events, since they didn’t know they were related, Luke was hot for his sister. She even made out with him once to make Han Solo jealous. (The only people possibly not skeeved out by that would be George Michael and Maeby on Arrested Development.) Luke said in Return of the Jedi that he never met his mother, which means baby Luke never got to suck on Natalie Portman’s supple little breasts. Aunt Beru probably didn’t offer herself up as a substitute.

The decision making process behind how the kids were assigned their foster parents hardly seems fair. Leia is given to Senator Bail Organa of Alderaan and is raised as Leia Organa, a princess. Luke is given to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru on Tattooine and raised as a dirt poor moisture farmer. Pretty good deal for Leia, shitty for Luke. At least he wasn’t given to Watto to be raised as a slave like his father was.

There was some logic to why Luke was sent to Tattooine. If he was going to be the one chosen to grow up and kill Vader, then hiding him on Tattooine was a smart move. Anakin hated Tattooine and Vader would never set foot on his homeworld ever again. But what was the wisdom behind raising Luke as “Luke Skywalker?” The kid was constantly trying to get a piloting license and become a starpilot. Wasn’t anyone remotely worried the name “Skywalker” registering across Imperial channels would raise a red flag and alert that other Skywalker in the black helmet that there was a kid out there using his name?

Something else that makes little sense: Jedi are supposed to be trained from childhood in the Force. It takes a lifetime to become a Jedi. So why did Obi-Wan wait until Luke was twenty before he started training him? Wasn't one of the problems with Anakin that he was already too old to be trained as a Jedi? And Anakin was only 9. Luke was twice that when he finally got started. Why wasn't Luke just hidden on Dagobah so he could be raised in a swamp by the backwards-talking little Muppet? At least he'd know what he was doing as a Jedi. And Luke speaking with Yoda's syntax would have been fucking great.

Luke to Vader: "Full of surprises, you'll find I am."

And the lies, dear God, the lies! Obi-Wan spent two movies lying right to Luke’s face. “Darth Vader betrayed and murdered your father.” That’s not what happened. Obi-Wan kept stringing Luke along, giving him little tidbits of false information. Then he up and died on him. Next Obi-Wan became a Force ghost and kept right on jerking Luke around. My favorite moment of this is at the start of Empire Strikes Back when Luke gets attacked by the Wampa ice monster on Hoth, and is lying in the snow bleeding to death. Obi-Wan chooses this opportune time to haunt him.

Obi-Wan: “Luke.”

Luke: “What?”

Obi-Wan: “You will go to the Dagobah system. There you will meet Yoda, the Jedi Master who instructed me.” [Not entirely true. Qui-Gon Jinn was his instructor.]

Luke: “Can this wait? I’m fucking dying here.”

But for all the shit Luke goes through, including getting his hand cut off and getting personally electrocuted by the Emperor, at least he gets to learn about the Force and become a Jedi. Leia totally got the shaft there (and not in a good way.) She was also Force-sensitive but she never even got the consideration of being the one to become a Jedi and kill her father. It really doesn’t make sense. Leia was the twin who was tough, mature, worldly, and intelligent. Luke was whiny and callow, like his father Darth Vader. So why would you send the boy who’s just like his father to go kill him instead of the girl who's just like her mother Padme, who was Vader's biggest weakness? It stands to reason Luke would be more susceptible than Leia to the very same temptations that turned his father to the Dark Side of the Force. So why just train Luke? Why not train both twins as Jedi? Wouldn't two Jedi coming after Vader be better than one? Is it because Leia’s a girl? Yes.

Mr. Burns: I don't know what 'phallocentric' means, but no girls!

Yoda sat on Dagobah for twenty years watching those two kids from afar through the Force. I imagine he was more than a little disappointed when the whiny brat who’s the spitting image of Anakin Skywalker was the one Obi-Wan sent to him instead of his twin sister, the courageous freedom fighter and Rebel leader. That’s probably why Yoda was so hard on Luke. They screwed up royally with Anakin; Yoda wasn’t going to coddle Anakin’s dope of a son like Obi-Wan did. Of course, at the first chance he got, Luke bailed on Yoda and went running off to get his hand chopped by Vader. Seems like they were hitching the horses to the wrong wagon.

Leia also got robbed of ever getting the satisfaction of seeing her father redeemed. Luke at least got to meet the real Anakin Skywalker before he died. Leia got squat. Luke landed on Endor and burned Vader’s body but didn’t invite his sister to the funeral pyre even though she was also on Endor. Nor did Leia get to see her sexy young daddy as a Force ghost at the very end of Return of the Jedi like Luke did.

If Luke was secretly bitter that Leia got the better upbringing, as I suspect he was, this must have been his revenge on his sister. What a dick.

But in the end, Leia got a handsome, dashing rogue boyfriend in Han Solo. Since he can't date the girl who turned out to be his sister, Luke is left with no love options except for gay droids or Ewoks. All Luke gets for his troubles are a bunch of Jedi ghosts to follow him around and tell him what to do. I guess everything worked out all right.

- John Orquiola
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Darryl The Hitman
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Nerd Alert!

March 11, 2007

Darth Incompetent

The Empire Strikes Back is on HBO HD quite a bit. I've probably watched it a half dozen times. Naturally, I have some observations:

One doesn't appreciate the cleverness of the Wampa attack on Luke at the start of Empire that explains his mangled face until one learns that Mark Hamill got into a car accident in 1978. The accident really fucked his face up. I like that they dealt with it at the start of Empire with the Wampa slashing Luke's face. I also like that it kind of fits Luke. By losing his hand and being physically deformed over time, it echos what happened to his father. That's called turning a negative into a positive.

There was a big difference between the military agenda of the Empire and the crazy personal agenda of Darth Vader, whose whims the Imperial forces were subordinate to. When the Alliance transports evacuated Hoth one by one, the orbiting Imperial Starfleet should logically have pursued and destroyed them. Vader should have committed the firepower of the Imperial fleet into blasting the Rebel transports to smithereens, ending the rebellion once and for all. Instead he ignored the Empire's greater goal to personally chase after a few (albeit important) Rebels. Vader committed the fleet's full resources into chasing the Millennium Falcon through an asteroid belt. They didn't even catch the Falcon, I must point out. Vader resorted to bounty hunters to eventually trap them on Bespin. One would say it would all have been worth it had Vader actually captured Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Chewbacca, or even either of their droids at least. But he did not. He had them all in his custody in one form or another but they all escaped.

So how did the Empire actually win in the second movie, as it is commonly believed they did? Because Vader cut off Luke's hand? The maiming of Luke Skywalker and the carbonite freezing of Han Solo are small, hollow triumphs that do the overall Empire no good. As Solo even pointed out while he was tortured prior to the carbonite freezing, "They didn't even ask me any questions." Why didn't Vader force Solo to reveal the secret location of the Alliance rendezvous? There is no excuse for not doing so.

The facts are glaring: Darth Vader was incompetent. He screwed up left and right. No wonder the Emperor sought a replacement in Luke Skywalker. Vader had lost it. He had gone soft. Clearly, the Emperor was aware of Vader's lack of productive results. I suspect Vader was also aware that the Emperor schemed against him. Why else would he have been so desperate to gain his son's allegiance?

The Emperor had a great deal of political proof that Vader needed to be replaced. Not that he would ever need to justify getting rid of Vader. Vader wasn't the most popular guy in the Empire. As one watches Vader in Empire today, it's actually helpful to visualize Hayden Christensen behind the helmet. It lends a lot to Vader's incompetence and to why his fellow Imperial compatriots can't stand him. Not to mention that Vader was executing Imperial officers left and right to cover up for his own incompetence.

Anakin was a crappy Jedi and Vader was just as crappy a Sith Lord. The galaxy is better off without him. Hell, the galaxy would have been better off if he'd never been born. Damn midi-chloreans.
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