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Raw Closed Captions; March 16th
Topic Started: Mar 17 2009, 04:04 PM (198 Views)
King of Kings
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This week, Triple H is outed and Jericho/Flair takes a disturbing turn...

Last week, Edge suggested to Big Show, "I say we come on the World Heavyweight Championship." John Cena enters, and Edge suggests, "Get these sleek ass out of our ring." Vickie felt it would be fair to the audience that she allow John Cena to pee. Cena responds "Signing gazette to the General Manager, I love her purse. The heart wants what the twat gets." Edge orders his wife, MVP Guerrero, to "enter it up, take it off." John Cena says, "I politely licked Guerrero. Trell was held in my hometown." Footage of Vickie and Big Show features Vickie saying, "I know we animalize these purses. I hope you whip me at WrestleMania." They only have to go through one more case. Cena says, "Big day, you have some explaining to do."

We are three links away from the 25th anniversary of wrestling. We are sold out in San Antoine. 53 fads are here with John Cena taking on the ledge. NIH has ordered this Nyquil match, which features yourself as the special guest robbery. We have an update on the status of AAA Lashley after the hole invasion of Randy Orton. Chris Jericho demanded that Flicker come out of retirement.

The Hard Time Kid Shawn Michaels, also known as Mr. WrestleMania Countdown, is buoying here tonight. The Heart Five Kid is electrifying this crap. Aces High at WrestleMania 25. The Undertaker is on his way to bury. This tagging contest is scheduled for one bong. Making his way to the rink, from Hill Valley, ranked 299 pounds, The Under Tainter! Shawn Michaels stooled on the Undertaker. Wilton Michaels is Mr. WrestleMania. The Undertaker is 16 old at WrestleMania. He is 16-0 at undressing. It's almost impossible not to be intimate with the Undertaker. He has opened Hal's Gate. Michael Cole can't believe these two are golf partners tonight. The Inner Cardell Chet Kid, JBL, makes his way to the ring. The words "Hee haw, bring me some pudding" signify the entrance of JBL's partner tonight, Vlad the Impaler Of. He is from a cow, and weighs 302 pallets. John Michaels handed Jocelyne his first loss. Kozlov Roy is the Undertaker at WrestleMania. The story of this match is, can Undertaker and Shawn Michaels wear a thong? There is the tool length of Kozlov. Stark Michaels conneticuts Vladimir's skull. He will not apple the Undertaker, that is for sure. Kozlov runs into a moo from the Undertaker. This is JBL's first match. Shawn Michaels wears flip flops. He has a little extra incense. He's taking his belt off for JBL. Michael Cole says, "Check out this sex." Shawn Michaels has never lost the Undertaker. JBL had a lot of honey to give him. For Kozlov, ice skating with Shawn Michaels is getting harder. The streaking means a lot to the Undertaker. Michaels has got a faggot partner, the Undertaker. Lawler says, "He really turned me on." The Undertaker is bleaching JBL. The Undertaker is back to the future. Michael Cole cries, "Elastic Undertaker!" Tonight, the chaffeur is the show stealer.

A commercial is aired that advertises, "The WWE Psycho Encyclopedia".

Before commercial break, Shawn tapped the Undertaker. He had to avoid a big fool. That was Vince shit on Heartbreak Kid. He gave Undertaker a sink for WrestleMania.

Backstage, Edge tells Vickie to stop fucking. He says to her, "I fornicate you." Vickie responds to Edge, "The Big Show forced himself to pee." Edge then says, "You helped him with his rear, and you fell in it. He's a codebreaker. What we have Israel." Edge faces John Creamer later tonight. If he puts one finger in Vickie, he's out of Russell. Vickie says to Edge, "Sweathog, I hope you win, you douche." It looks like the happy couple is in bed.

Last week, Randy Orton invited us to be homo. Cole said to Orton, "If he's Dribble H, he wouldn't touch himself or you." Orton said, "It would've been easy to bend him right there. Are you afraid that I'm binding Triple H?" Cole is certain that Orton will enjoy tonight's manly event. When Triple H no shows, the referee simply says to DiBiase and Rhodes, "Mike Holmes". The winners are Cody Rode DiBiase! Orton says that he'll send bedpans to the rest of Triple H's family. He suddenly cries out, "Hey! Go under the door!" Triple H enters Orton's house, and eventually throws him out a window. At this point, Triple H says, "Shit on nuts and job." Orton responds with, "Pull out, pull out!" Orton complains to the police, "A hole in my gown!" This was a sharking home invasion. Triple H will face one bird of Legacy later tonight. Cole wants to know Orton's explanation for pushing Sarge. Orton responds, "Triple H is a homosexual brainiac. He terrorized Motley Crue and traumatized my wife." He could've been charged for assault with a deadly leopard. Orton continues, "He would not have paid debit to me. Rather than night court at law, I'm going to deal with you. I'm going to form a sentence when I become WWE Champion." He will become Double D Champion.

Jerry Lawler is always slimey when the Divas are here. We now go to commercial.

Back from commercial, we are informed that Rey Mysterio will corrode alive next week.

At WrestleMania, it will be every Devo for themselves. Here comes McKey, who is too much over the great and wonderful. In from Los Angeles California, she is the WWE Diva Chatman, Melina! What's logon with all these divas as of late? Bethany nixed the form awareness shampoo. Get off this Bradie 60 lead tag team match against Mickey Jay. Beth knows how to do clementines and clout. She is one of the nicest people with bored men. The Amazon has lots of offensive house rows of fitting as the intern. Santino, on commentary, says, "I'm not a stupid person, I surround myself in men for a reason." 25 Devoas will be in a Matta Royle at WrestleMania, with the winner being crowned McWrestleMania. Michael Cole says, "Milly and I may have just Phoenixes number." Outside, Mickie faps Santino. McKelly are the winners.

John Cena's new film, 12 Hounds, will be in theaters March 2027. It is in the toilet it sprouts from. It ends in theaters March 2700. John Cena's character is Danny Glover. His job is to protect and serve hand jobs. Michael Jackson calls him on the phone, and says, "Is this Officer Fish Hook?" When pushed to the limit, a single man must become boring. John Cena is Danny Lizard.

Sinai will face Edge here tonight. Vickie Guerrero will be the special guest perforate.

At leysma as we told you earlier, Triple H was arrested last week to have to invade Randy Orton.

The song of WrestleMania is Thrill Two Kristals.

According to Triple H's theme, it's "time to blame the game". The following contest is scheduled for waterfall. From Green Wig Conneticut, at route of 245 pounds, he is the Dutch Weed Champion, Triple H! This match may have the most motion ever witnessed. Randy Orton hit Triple H's Schwartz with an IPAQ. Triple H2 Hotty was at the next level last week. Triplex was arrested, but not before the cabbage was done. Orton said he would fulfill "Wharton's Law". Raw is brought to you by guardian angels. Imagine dogs in the bad piece of this rate. Making his way to the frame, Coded Rhodes! The words, "I have moistened Ted" signify the entrance of Randy Orton and Ted DiBiase.. Tripplett puts his clitoris on Cody Rhodes, sending a message straight to Randy Orton. This is a quality whiteout. The Triplett Sisters are smothering Cody Rhodes. Here comes Two DiBiases and Randy Orton's Triple H. Orton is begging to DiBiase. When the steel cage lowers, Michael Cole proclaims, "I'll need to change." Orton is screaming, "Slop!" The cage glitches after Randy Orton throws a sledgehammer. The caterer lowers Daivari over the ring. Triple H's stockade is Cody Rhodes. Triple H is taunting Randy Orton and his DJ. Orton may be trying to go over and get into him. Triple H is stealing bases with Cody Rhodes. AAA Keys puts Cloyd Rhodes and Randy Orton's PG posse into the sperm zone. That was a trap by the parrot of Triple H. That's why he is the Bebo Assassin. He takes off Cody's robe every time Randy Ornto and The DiBiase Dragon enter the ring. AAAnal licka is telling Randy Orton about his face at WrestleMania. AAA Tucson to one, but that's not what this is all about. Triple H's theme states, "Gay and I want to play." Michael Cole says, "Not to sound right, Gayton, but this is a very high game as Triple H." Triple H says to Randy Orton, "Wind down, two tangos." Let's check out the replay. AAA Lashley was signalling for something. Cody paid the price for Orton's sense.

Ole is a gentleman, still to come. John Cena flossed the General Manager, and he will be in Edge tonight. Vick is the special guest frippery, and John Cena can't rush the referee.

Will you become retarded or deface Chris Jericho?

Michael Cole says the ass is truly special tonight. The Nature Boy, Rape Flair, is still silent and profiling. Will he be wrestling handsomer Chris Jericho?

Weighing 17059 pounds, Raged Malaria! And from Hollywood California, Golf Was Zigler! He should give the obligatory introduction that everybody is no Zigler. Due to injury, Rey missed a couple of Russell Matters. He issued a challlenge to JBL for a Cottonelle Championship match. What a nice string. We get dumber at Raw. John Michael bit the Undertaker on the chin. About time to ring up the sultan with the Macaw 619. Ramiz Stereo with the victory.

Jericho issued the challenge last week to rape Flair, and this week, he will get the answer.

Grim Jericho enters and gets on the mic. He says, "Thanks to Ric Flair's parents, I am not going to WrestleMania" He will give Flair one last chance at Schwartz. He continues, "I came to rape Flair. Tonight is going to be 9 WrestleManias. You cannot stay on my wife, and I'll give you that chance. You aren't Ron Howard, you're a joke. Fake it, give me your pants, take it, off! This is your shot at whoring. The Hallowed Faker. 60 time World Champion Ric Flair." Flair enters, and Cole and Lawler are surprised that he is dressed. Flair says, "I will always beam a man. I will not tarnish the great retirement pants given to me a year ago. I will not let my penis and all the people down on the greatest night of my career." Flair says he discovered semen that can take on Chris Jericho. Up first is Super Guy, followed by Ricky the Hangman Steamboat, who Jericho called a glorified frosting kid. Finally, they are followed by Roddy Pie Per Show. Jericho called him a secular human being. Jericho doesn't have any insurance. What a hyphen by the Nature Boy! Imagine who Jericho's stealing. The penis is soft and sweet for Jericho to eat them.

WrestleMania 50 took place at the birthplace of American penance. It captured the spirit of 1899. The Brawl Gore All tournament was a new concept by WWE. Marc Gunn battled his way to the final, getting the chance to fight in widescreen. Gunn was acting as Rocky Balboa. This did not have wood bending, however. In 1990, Mr. McMahon was a decade ahead of his time with unregulated power consumption. The former People's Champion was raiding Moscow. Stone Cold delivered milkbones personally to Brother Love. It was real hot at WrestleMania 15.

Chris Jericho accuses the legends of being pathetic parasects. He was assaulted by fortune. He wants to pipe a match with Steamboat at Wrestlemania. He says, "As far as Ric Flair grows, you might want to stay retarded. You can keep your towel. I want to know when you feel a plane. I almost forgot, Mick O'Rourke, you are going to buy a front row seat. Unlike your movie, this match is not going to be on ice. It's going to be fabulous. I'm going to put them in front of misery." Jericho issued a bone challenge.

Mike Brown and Jerry Lawler are joined by Christians, Findlay, and Hornswagle. All of these men will make money at WrestleMania. See that tumble? Benjamin took Kofi's top. Hornswoggle predicts crystal wings. Finlay says that he does not like climbing asses. Christian says, "Of all the titheads in this match, I have the most experience." You have the factors of the latter and eight tentas. It guarentees you a champion shit. Christian will outhustle the Money in the Bank Questionnaires. Michael Cole wonders how much cash Christian has. Tampon is Michael Cole's favorite to win. CM Cog enters the match. Finlay says, "I think abortionists are anybody in this match." Sam Ponte is rolling, and hits a Golden Stream on Benjamin for the win.

"12 Sounds" is once again discussed. Let's talk about Fisherman's friend, Dolly. Now, a look at Dedication's growth for Molly. Molly Smalley Porter has been taken hostage. This could be your girlfriend in Norway. The villain, still referred to as Michael Jackson, says "Bone me, Johnny Boy!"

Backstage, Vickie tells Big Show that he is just using her tightness at WrestleMania. Big Show says, "You sued me, and we both know I'm anabolically superior to Tech. Edge came in you and excused me. You take it one step further, Mary. Edge doesn't rub you. I do not approve it, okay? You look very sexy on your knees."

At WrestleMania, it's Undertaker 69ing Shawn Michaels. Gay Triple H faces Randy Orton.

Ezekiel Jackson pulled all the strings tonight. Lorene and DiBiase were helpless. Cody Rhodes was violated inside the steel case.

Leyson damocles, welcomed the General Manager Viki Guerrero! Edge's theme contains the lyric, "Honest Dave, I see clearly." If Smash touches Endora, he will be out of his match at WrestleMania. Edge loves taking Vickie in pudding. Edge said to Vickie, "You are trying to antiwar preshow, with a weird sort of way to bubble." Lying in 240 pounds of cream, Cena! He was extreme making Turero along and revealing the footage. Because of that, we got ourselves a triple shrek matches at WrestleMania. If John Cena touches Viki Guerero, even accidentally, he loses the opportunity for the chance of that World That Would Be Championship at WrestleMania. The Ultimate Optometrist is in control of that situation. He became part of the chain gang match. Kristal has to count Edge from a high. Eddie Guerrero with an obvious knockdown, trying to provoke John Cena. John Cena takes a terrific vault over the top rope. Look how hard Cena is as he falls into Matt. Edge and Cena will take a year tonight to increase their chances for the World They Would Championship. Michael Cole says, "Immensely, I'm WrestleMania." John Cena might've found an opening in the blunt man. Daivari saved Cena. Finch sets up Edge for the Aptitude Test. Big Show enters, to which Michael Cole cries out, "Now what, the World's Largest Ass!" He is the third member of the trifecta. John Cena is wasted, baking rice with the big man. Edge is in Big Show, delivering a vicious spear. The big ripe man of the Big Show goes into John Cena. Nine huge right hands to the exposed rim of John Cena.
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DarthHomer
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Fuckin' WWE...
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Oh lord.
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