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| Smackdown Closed Captions; March 13th | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 14 2009, 02:43 PM (105 Views) | |
| King of Kings | Mar 14 2009, 02:43 PM Post #1 |
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As the guy who originally posts these said, in light of the news that just broke, I considered not posting these, as I felt it may have been inappropriate. I have ultimately decided to do so, as something silly and stupid like these captions are just what some people need during a time like this. John Cena told Vickie that he'd fuck her. The heart is why the heart wants his World Championship. He then says to Edge, "You're mine Edge, I don't love Vickie." He then goes on to say, "I politely told the caterer that I got some friends." In the security footage, Vickie says to Big Show, "What are you doing, queer? Edge wants in the Show." They are ballistic virgins, apparently. After the footage is over, John Cena says, "Vickie, you got some draining to do." The Smackdown theme lyrics apparently say, "If I want the Gore, don't ever count me out." The Rhodes at WrestleMania continues here tonight on Friday Night Slop Down. The Undertaker seeks renting Houston against the man that gave him a couple of cousins. We are going to hear Matt fart himself. This bat is set for one fall! Approaching the ring for Rotting Ontario Canada, when 241 pounds, he is a Turtle Heavyweight Champion, the Raided Our Superstar, Edge! Tazz says, "On Monday night, I was absolutely soaking." Only imagination the fluctuation and embarrassment. Johnston is sick. Cody Kingston is Edge's opponent tonight. If you go all the way back to Norway and other, Edge took Kofi's place. Gopi Kingstand was set to compete for the World and Does. Edge experienced humiliation of pasturization. That has to be going through the mind of Edged right now. Edgehill gets a near fall. To whack Jack is his ultimate revenge. He gets a letter of resiliency from Kofi. WrestleMania of them all is in the World's Jan. Look at the vertical leak of Kingston, shorn amazing athleticism. Pinkston flies with the main thing all the time. There's a young athlete, Kofi will leave it all outmenu where you can get it done. Edge has experienced a humiliating Lee. Kofi hits the rips and yells "Oh Oh Oh!". The World Edward Champion is in trouble. Amazingness did a hurricane rana. Edges is ramming the ring steps/ He is using the ring steps for Ally. Jim Ross hits a cross body. Edge suddenly morphs into Ricky the Dragon Steamboat, as the captions begin to refer to him as such. What a big time counter by H, nothing fancy, but very effective. Edge is a measure of old school tapings. He takes a case of downers for another near fall. He blocks and shaves his breath like that Hitman Hart. The WWE Hall of Famer uses the Sharpshooter on Kofi. That's a lot of pressure in his ass. There was no shame in Kofi tapping Edge with that Hard Shooter. The tormented Edge salivates. What an amazing gentlemen. The HHH/Orton incident is shown, where Orton yells to his wife, "Wade, stop, book the door!" Carlino and Primeau are getting a chance at the World Tag Team Titles up next. A WWE Canada Update features Jack Korpela talking about WrestleMania 25's Canadian sponsor. He says, "I'll be in Beth". Mr. Morrison, the tacky champions, are in the ring. John Morbid missed. The words "I spray on the face of people" indicate the entrance of the Clone Brothers. Primo and Carlito are successful fags. They are accompanied by Mickie and Pre-Dollar. Jim Ross talks about "John 'Don't Call Me Him' Morrison". The World Tag Team titles are a shake. Tazz says, "I like Carlino's game, man." John Morrison is opening up Carlito. Tazz says, "How much more cock could you get?" Jim Ross comments, "Nice ass, Carlito." John Morrison's urn is inside out. The Russian lady gets a near fall. Carlito and Primo have Advent candles. Great yardwork. The Bell Of Sisters are at ringside. Morrison is the opportunity to get the opportunity. Once he gets going, he has a mean stream to pee. Tazz says to Ross, "I would pay to see you and John Morrison inside." Morrison and Miz are compared to Midnight Sex. Ross says to Tazz, "Stop brushing my cock." The sad duck southpaw is trying to get his younger brother into the ring. Talk about poetry in Morrison. Primo is channeling the spirit of Geraldo, Rico's champion. The Miz was just passing poo. Look at Them Is. Morrison hits the Moon My Bride to pick up the victory. Carlito was extracted. They protected the girls' tag team titles. The Cologne Brothers have been defeated as Morrison and Miz leave with Bel-Air. The oddball Undertaker has a chance to be meet Vladimir's cousin in our main event tonight. Triple H broke into Randy Orton's home and asked, "Where to shit?" The song "Warren Sheet" from ADHD is the theme song for WrestleMania. Matt Hardy is tall, we'll hear it from Jim tonight. Randy Orton has whipped us. He says, "You call it my nation? I call it rape. It would have been easy to read everything right there, but I didn't. I am proud that I troll." As a result of a forfeit, Roller DiBiase win. Orton says in regards to Triple H, "I gave you too much rent. My choice cut will be on the kettle. You will award me Rachel." He turns to his wife and says, "Hey man, get the door." The closed captions decided to caption the grunting and groaning made by Orton and Triple H, making the home invasion seem like another type of invasion. "Argh, oh, oh argh, yeah, argh, oh!" are among the captions presented during this sequence. After throwing Orton out the window, Triple H says to Orton, "You should've faced Steve Jobs." Orton yells at the cops, "He spanked me, he spanked me!" R-Truth comes out rapping and says, "Feed me and wash up." According to a commercial, WrestleMania happens for a year. The theme song played during this commercial contains the lyrics, "I shoot some pills," followed by "Shoot Jews down." Our Truth and MVP are joining forces against Trouble and Shelton Benhammer. At WrestleMania, business will pick up on top of a 2-foot ladder. Imagine the danger. What a kick, that Kofi! MVP uses a comma art down. He ate Trish. Tazz says, "Kind of reminds me of the fencing I used to ring." Jim Ross says, "Don't be surprised if Andy doesn't win the ladder match, he's on a roll." He is straight up bawling. Jim Ross yells, "Hurt me Benjamin, hurt me Benjamin!" He continues, "It's very rare, he won't take my ring." The pathetic Benjamin wants to get drilled. Benjamin is the prototypical ghost ship athlete. Look at him utilize an Asian. Chavo delivers a nice Belly to Kelly suplex. Tazz says that he's a big fan of Captain Christmas. Ruth is all about Vietnam and all stretch. MVP gets into the ring, and the Israelis doing, here we go. He gets his balls in. Jim Ross comments, "I love this watch." Benjamin is stark naked. Joseph Benjamin gets the pinfall. Tazz says, "Look at this boing up." Everyone is counting the arse. Man Hardy is up next. Footage from last week shows the Money Ion Bank Walt Disney match. Tazz says, "Shelton has men in him." Jeff Hardy hits Whisper and wins. Matt comes out and shatters his brother's streams. Matt Hardy enters, but the captions tell us that Jeff's music is playing instead. Matt made sure that Hife did not get into the match. Matt's theme (or Jeff's theme, I'm not even sure by this point) contains the lyrics, "I can dry up semen." The black cow Fruit of the Looms are over Jeff's head. Matt says, "It will continue until Jeff sucks me off, cums, and fights me. Tonight, I'm going to force you to shit fit." They have had a lot of thighs and loads. Matt didn't have a natural match last year because he was injured. He had a Slim Jim injury. No one cared about door mat. Instead, everyone asked, "Is Jeff going to get off his knees? Is Jeff sinking?" Jeff locked himself in his studio and recorded socks. Everyone expected Matt Hardy to come in and pick up the penis. Jeff was attacked in the stairwell of her car. There was an accident with Spyro. Was it a groupie? Matt remembers shortly after Jeff got his suspenders, him and Beth decided to leave his horse. A few minutes later, Jeff received Khali from Matt. Matt told him, "Jeff, I'm drowning in fire, all in fire." Jeff lost everything he worked Josh hard for, and all of his recordings. Upon hearing about his house being in flames, Jeff asked Matt over the phone if jacking off on a log was okay. He wasn't naked. Accents turned into tragedies. They are incredibly hard meat. Matt wants to toke as a sign of his love. Jeff Hardy enters and is immediately identified by the captions as Kristal. Jeff says, "This is so Indigo League. You tried to blow me. I never thought my flesh and blood would be capable of whoring. Don't wrong my house number and dog. You want to hurt me, don't you want to squirt me, don't you, Matt? You raid me, don't you Matt? You ate me. You know what, Math You More Hardy? Because when we met that New England gent and you put it on my..." Jeff proceeds to attack his brother. Matt pleads, "Don't Jeff, I don't want to ride you. You're my brother, I'm sorry, please throw her away Jeff. Don't hurt me, I'm sorry, IW." Jim Ross says, "Did I just walk a mile for Matt Hardy?" Jeff accused his brother of twisting with Demento, but went on to admit that so did he. Tazz says, "I was happy to see Jeff do him." On Raw, we saw Champion vs. Champion when Maria took on Melina. As Michael Cole would say, it was vintage intimate action. We heard 25 of the current and former Devos are going to be involved in a Battle Royal. The winner will be named Ms. WrestleMania, and have first time ever sex. The WWE Champion Melina enters for this tag team match. We heard Mishael say she does not lick anybody. She has Lou Thesz chest. The first dealer champion, Michelle McCool, is so athletic. The former semen hall graduate is taking out her waste on Maria. We have seen a vicious, plastic side of her. At WrestleMania, we will see 25 current ladies banging each other and give head. It'll be a deep collision with casualties. There's a tap from the both of them. Jim Ross cries, "My ruby lives!" Sharks fly from Melina's fingertips. Cherry cooks French. Melina deats Marie's with a cradle. Maryse looks to cunt Michelle McCool. Backstage, Edge complains, "John Cena milked me last night." He says that Vickie was in John Cena. Chavo says, "She had my hand in marriage." Edge says he will not be played like a gay guy, and nobody is going to take the hamster away from him. The final liar in the Money in the Bank match will be determined next. After 200 years, WrestleMania returned to where it all benoit. It featured mud on trial. It was a night of stunning endings, like when Brock Lesnar got out of the ring and hit a stunner on Goldberg. John Cena became the franchise layer. John Wood captured his first championship at WrestleMania. The champion has arrived in WrestleMania 20. Also at WrestleMania 20, the encourager ball, Eddie Guerrero, outsmarted a limping champion. Look at this guy's small package when he's flying. He lies on the sheets with chins, and remains WWE Champion. This marked two decades of WrestleMania this year. Accompanied by Hornswoggled, from Belts Fast, Thick Meat! The Money in the Bank guarentees a future shot in the World Champion. Accompanied by See Til Jackson, from Venice California, Brian Kendall! Seven men are qualified, and the only slot left is in Brian Kendrick. Finley is inside the Money in the Bank briefcase. To win the match, you must capture the briefs. Talking about Kendrick's bodyguard, Jim Ross says, "He jacks off so well." Referring to Kendrick, he says, "Look at his big missile." This is a major leak opportunity to go to WrestleMania. Ross continues on, "Finley with a version of my Stone Cold Stud." Finley was distracted by the fleet. Look at the better tanned Finley. The Celts undress, and Finley is going to WrestleMania. The quiet man will represent Ireland, with not one man in Notre Dame's Charlie White. He was Ed Don, and he goes to WrestleMania. Jim Ross says, "Look at this field, who will I date?" Jack Korpela appears again for a WWE Canada Update, but is identified as Jack Bordello. Jim Ross says that, "our boy and only butt buddy," KID MOTHAFUCKING ROCK~!, performs the third theme song for WrestleMania. A preview of John Cena's upcoming film, 12 Pounds, is shown. Michael Jackson wants to face a double of him. The only thing worse than beating Michael Jackson is being Michael Jackson. He says to Cena's character, "This is how I'll rope your work. Round ones, I took your house. Round two, I'm your dolly. Round three, everyone will clean up." We are just about ready for 12 Wrongs. At WrestleMania, three men will go in, but only one will come on the champion. Can Shawn Michaels do the unthinkable, and end Undertaker's streaking? Jim Ross says, "I converse the icon 16-0 versus Ms. WrestleMania." There will be motion in brother versus brother. Jeff versus Matt versus Hardy at WrestleMania. The Game has torn Randy Orton's blouse, and he has dismantled the challenger shuttle at WrestleMania. Introducing first, from Depth Valley, wing 299 pounce, The Undertaker! Through Earth Wind and Firestone comes a man that has never lost at WrestleMania. He is the demon of Dallas, 16-0 on the grandest stage of the mall. Will it be that way at the end of the night on the 23rd anniversary of WrestleMania? The Undertaker and Sharmell had a memorable face-to-face confrontation this past Monday Night Brown. Neither man was giving an inch. Neither man is showing any fear or intimacy. Tazz notes that Undertaker is not used to being untied. He liked men facing each other for his 69 streak, and wished good luck to Shawn Michaels. There's not a better big match competitor in the entire endeavour to be, maybe in the entire history of the WB, and that's Shawn Michaels. If anyone can beat that man, it is Mr. Mysterio. The Undertaker has Smackdown vs. Edge with the Cow Mauler up next. A replay from two weeks ago shows Wladimir beating the Undertaker like that active fullback. He's taking him to school and gets a power slam. Ross cries out, "I can't believe that he has taken the Undertaker!" Back from commercial break, Jim Ross says, "Those are the breasts of the Undertaker!" The intro to Kozlov's theme states, "Let me staple ball sack." Vladimir Cum Slob makes his way to the ring. This alone is a very impressive status. Ross compares him to Examiner Carella. It has been 124 days since the upset of the Undertaker. Kozlov starts out the match with a quicky. He hits two elbows to the sperm followed by a late night bath. The Undertaker is dancing on the announcer's table. Swagger is flashing his back instinctively. He's trying to dry the air. Kozlov isn't a normal man, he'll use batteries. We will find out as Zach Gowan rolls on. A commercial for Smackdown on My Network Debbie is aired. Oh wow, look at this hay drop. Undertaker is against Flat In Mirror Kozlov. Kozlov sees how the tires turn. Undertaker is delivering a direct violent message to Shawn Michaels' Derek. We'll see Kozlov Inc. get put to the test by the Dead Man/ There was a neat fall. He berates the kidney, as he is relentless in his attack. The Undertaker is in the womb. Shawn Michaels played sweet music for Kozlov. Kozlov has mounted in the Undertaker. He's never lost his virginity until tonight. He hears the top players in CB. The Undertaker can really throw hams. He is jerking Kid Kash. He's got a head and he should blow her. The Undertaker has gotten to third base with Kozlov, which Jim Ross thinks is phenomenal. The Undertaker got in Kozlov. He delivers a duplex as it pops underneath him. Kozlov gets upswing in the Undertaker. He looks to gain the extended amount of Austin from the Phenom Meal Undertaker. It is Snail Eyes City. Jim Ross says, "I'm barely able to see rod, he is so sexy." He continues on and says, "Good grief, did you see Impact?" The Undertaker got in trouble at school a couple of weeks ago. He follows it up with a Tombstone Pal Driver. Under That Taker is sending a direct and ugly message to Shawn Michaels. He had to take advantage of a big rat. |
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